It's Only Fair: Herr Mullen goes Under the Knife

[DragonMasterX]

I'll review: "Don't mess with Tuxes." I find it interesting.

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"...You had Hikari labour over creating you a tuxedo for me? Oh, Veemon!"
He leaped off the chair (as far as he could; no knees)and rushed over to Veemon, claming his highest pair of true legs
around Veemon, as Veemon held him in a real embrace. Veemon kissed Wormon on the cheek, and led him back up to the chair.

As you see, you are using too much of the same words to name Veemon, you could vary with nick(names) like: "The little blue dragon.", "His friend.", "The blue digimon.", etc. You don't need to use those, but it'd be better not to repeat same words over and over again.

And well, I fortunately didn't find anything else to be exactly descriptive; onto with the score.

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Plot: Hmmm, I'm doubtful, all of this happened so fast, this actually didn't have much of a plot. It was rather: Veemon gets dressed, Veemon talks with Daisuke, both go to Ken's house, Daisuke and Ken talk then go, Veemon goes to Wormmon, both talk, both fo to bathroom, sex. I think you could have written a small background to say the why of Veemon and Daisuke going to Wormmon and Ken, yes, I think you could have done that. Score: 4/10.

Characters: Let's see them individually.

Veemon: I don't really see him much like he would act in the series, he rather seems mature and grown up for being the childish Veemon. I don't even know when this actually takes part, so I can't be certain if it's before the 25 years pass or after (most possible opportunity to state that Veemon grows mature).

Wormmon: He actually seems me quite normal, BUT loyal to the series, he seems to be submissive as well, so it's pretty much like him.

Daisuke: I think I read parts in which he acted... well... mature, err... that scared me.

Ken: Pretty silent, pretty normal, seems you caught his characterization just good enough.

Score: 6/10.

Semantics: Yes, a semantic view reveals a splendid use in the variation in phrases, I personally like the ones used in the Lemon scene. I don't have many complaints here, BUT, there is the one in repeating the same words. Score: 9/10.

Writing: Your writing is good, but not perfect, very modest of you to have clarified at the end that you actually had spelling mistakes somewhere, I think "Apologised" is actually "Apologized". But generally, it was okay. Score: 9/10.

Lemon: Wormmon X Veemon= Cute. But let's go in depth with this. Having the characters have sex in a story which lacks very much of a plot actually isn't my cup of tea; I noticed they could have had a good reason to have sex instead of: "Oh, your tux looks adorable, let me take it off so we have sex!". Maybe I didn't understand the idea of your plot as you want the readers do, I apologize for that. And I think I found something which was sort of strange, both Wormmon and Veemon seemed to have their members erected, even though you didn't point they were ''horny'' or ''aroused'', and one more thing: Don't you think 4 inches is too little for a length to Veemon's dick? Personally, I think he could have 6 if you don't like them having their cocks ''big''. Score: 6/10.

Total Score: 34/50= ( 6.8 )

Notes: Very good writing indeed, could use a little more of a spell check, also, I'd like to point the way you tend to some times repeat words around too much, you could variate with your vocabulary. Also, I don't say the plot literally sucked, but maybe describing the situation would be better to make it be brighter. I enjoyed this couple, good job, Herr, keep writing!