Better Late than Never: The June 2006 Lemon Contest

[Herr Mullen]

I actually told Nate not to publish my first two reveiws, as they were all in note form, and I couldn't be bothered to style them as I was really tired that day.

But here they are anyway.

First, May I Take This Dance. The title doesn't make much sense, does it? Oh, well. "Dwelled" is followed by "In". Proofreading! Mecca is a small city notable for its role in Arabian history (especially during and after the time of the Prophet Mohammad [pbuh]), and is quite out of context. To describe Tokyo as an "elaborate Mecca" is to belittle Mecca's fantastic and beautiful architecture. However, it is a fantastic intro; it poses questions and provides a "Where" immediately. I was drawn in by the style of that very first paragraph. It also makes me feel as if my skill is faded when I find myself feeling concerned for Veemon as early as the first sentence of the second paragraph. What a wonderful play on the readers' sympathies! But, I have issues with ".. makes him unique like any digimon". Nobody says "sigh," either. He could heave a dejected sigh, perhaps, but he doesn't say it. There's a sentence with a question mark rather than a full stop. Nothing a quick few proofreads wouldn't have discovered. Veemon's call on "justice" is an example of fantastic characterisation. Spot on Davis, as well, good work on his dub dialect. The brief and informative description of Davis's room is well written, not boring, and further characterises Davis and Veemon. "Disorganised desk" is a fine alliteration. Time is well established with "I thought the fighting days were over?" I was suspecting a Davis/Veemon pairing until I realised Davis wasn't going. The description of Digivolution proves a challenge to all authors, who either fail to discribe it, or skip over it entirely, however this author rises to the occasion. As soon as we enter the forest, there is a sense of Danger, with a capital. I couldn't really see the Bakemon chanting "blood". Flamedramon's "Here I was worried!" remark seems out of place, giving the reader a sense of unease. Fustrastion and futility is well highlighted. Flamedramon made friends far to fast for anyone, but I suppose his other Digiegg is friendship. The fight is interesting, engaging, and well written. Lordbakemon is fantastic; the way he swears so much puts him at odds with the heroes immediately. Really convincing, but like most Digimon baddies, he's ever so slightly comical. The romantic build up is brilliant; I'm fed up of people jumping into bed with each other as soon as the meet them. "Sleep Renamon, the nightmare is over" should really have a colon. I can't imagine Flamdramon saying "total dork." Long and detailed kiss description. That's some good softcore build up to the real scene. Very romantic. Renamon suddenly becoming uncertain is a great touch of realism. Licking his cheek is a great twist on conventional manners. He says "Armoured Warrior", even though he's just taken his stuff off. He changed tense. Fantastic one liner at the end. Lordbakemon, did I mention, is fantastic. Reminds me ever so slightly of Herr Mullen.

Plot; 8/10
Character; 9/10
Semantics: 9/10
Lemon; 8/10
Writing; 8/10, not enough poetic devices.

The Break Up hurt my eyes. Every sentence is brief to the point of non-descript. There is no narrative voice. There is no reason to suck on his testicles; she'd get some ice, or make him sit down: she would not put his genitals in her mouth. Very out of character. Davis is held up by his collar; he says "I understand". No he wouldn't, he'd be bloody ruffled, and slightly indignant! "Figured" is used out of context. There is no sense of time for the reader. I was under the impression, from the brief non-narrative, that everything happened a few seconds ago, but the characters talk about it like it was a few hours ago. "100%" needed a comma after it. The tense changed. This scenario can't slip anywhere onscreen during The Kaizer Arch. Political analysis isn't the right way to go in social situations, but an attempt at foreshadowing Cody's switch in sides, clearly. Trivialises the Nazis outside a comedic sphere. Where the hell did Sora appear from? "Inside of him": Kari turned into a man during lovemaking. TK must have enjoyed it, though, according to the epilogue.

Plot: 3/10
Character; 2/10
Semantics; 6/10
Lemon; 4/10
Writing; 3/10

And Wisemon's was written in style, so here it is.

The style here is Wisemon; that cynical, musicly heavy satire of popular culture that I do so enjoy. The opening paragraph doesn't ask the obvious questions, though it is a good establishment of Who, Where, Why, and such, but it does ask "What made him change so much?" This is the subtle question that makes you read onward. Jyou's stop to smell the roses is a fantastic touch: he's almost died so many times I daresay he's come to appreciate their natural fragrence. This immediate hint at change is another hook. Sora is inspired. I should give her a nice role more often, really... "Please stop staring at my breasts." That's the pitfall all youthful gentlemen seem to meet. Jyou's decision to forego his glasses mark further changes. I have to give Wisemon huge credit for his character development. The story remains true to life, especially to Jyou's. I think quite a few of us know these character explorations of our youth, and the tragedy of parting friends. I've got to hook up with some people, now, actually; this is a Wisemon Effect. He can make me long for my youth and the people of those times. This bus-station scene is at contrast with his inspiration: we smart guys have it just as bad as the stupid ones, don't we?

The lemon scene I daresay is deliberately sparce on sensation, as it never happened. I still get the impression of Jyou being calm and controled, dispite his third orgasm. This is probably down to Mimi not really knowing Jyou. I want so desperately to give the "Lemon" rating a high score on the basis of the thought that's gone into it, but I can't on the basis that, although deliberatly so, it is poor, and I can't give a high score for being poor, can I? Such a shame.

I cannot express the joy I feel at these characterisations.

Jyou has a huge capasity for compassion, but he also has that social awkwardness that makes him list reasons not to be sad. He seems almost fatherly when he asks if Mimi needs a hug. I'd say I detect a peice of childhood seeping in, but that would be pretentious, so ignore this sentence and I'll pretend I never wrote it. Mimi's huge knowledge of sex (for her age) highlights a problem that Japan has been dealing with in recent years. The children there are having sex younger and younger. They are facing a collapse of traditional Japanese morality. The effects of that problem on the indivdual are displayed here perfectly by Wisemon. I find myself stepping closer to Jyou when I read his doubts. At such a stage of his life, when he has been pushed so far to his future, and he has to make life changing decisions, these doubts will seap in.

I do like the joke about Mailer Deamon. In my early days of email, I had no idea what the thing was.

Mimi's hearlessness toward her fans reflect quite a few things I've heard: I was once told a story about a footballer, who was staying in the same hotel as the one who relayed this to me. She saw a famous footballer, who I can't remember the name of (I don't follow football) and these two children were begging him to give them autographs. He took the paper off the girl gruffly, scribbled as fast as he could, shoved it back into her arms and left hurriedly, leaving the little boy he ignored on the verge of tears. The same feelings I felt at this story of anger and irratation rose again when I read this episode.

Jyou's interjection made me laugh.

There are references dotted all the way through this story. Jyou's mind over matter thing, and the fact that, actually, he didn't have a bad voice, it was just the wordyness of the lyrics he chose in the Princess Karioke episode. I can see Wisemon slip inside Jyou when he says Jyou scored highly at writing. I'm going to be harsh, as I know he'd hate me to be leanient, and say that though he shows relation to the character, he has taken Jyou out of character and put himself in his place.

I love the audience dialogue. The audience as a persona is a fantastic device. There was an extra large space between two paragraphs that made me think, briefly, that Jyou was talking to Sora again.

Jyou's question "...Or was it Taichi?" points out Sora's flaw. She is not just someone to be talked to. She has a persona, and she has some real qualities to her. Without that ending, the entire thang would have suffered for Sora's absence of character.

Plot; 8/10
Character; 9/10
Semantics; 10/10
Lemon; 6/10
writing; 9/10

Congradulations to Wisemon, and also to Crimson Fox who actually wrote something very enjoyable, as well.