07-19-2006, 01:59 PM
I'll be taking this one along too with Marine. Hope you don't mind :P
Well, let's start by common things, the graduation will be based on five aspects I'll clarify below. After I sum all the scores, a single grade will remain.
Just for you to know, this is NOT meant to bash or literally or indirectly tell you that you suck. My criteria is only to help you improve.
Here are the things to note:
Plot.
Characters.
Semantics.
Writing.
Lemon.
------------
Plot: 9/10. I've been reading the whole series, and I enjoy it; the story has a very special air about it... I love how it develops part by part, everything is connected just good, and it almost never loses it's grip! And this Chapter was no-exception, the plot was complete and understable, though Ex is too mysterious and I think he needs a bit more of an explaining of why he acts the way he does.
Characters: 7/10. I like to divide and judge the characters individually.
Flamedramon: Unfortunately, being the series's Flamedramon, he seems not to have much courage. But otherwise, the plot itself would be ruined if his attitude matched the one of the series in every aspect. Not bad, but not good either.
Greymon: Yeah, his evil character with an OVER-jealous attitude convinces me in this chapter, you did a good job with him.
ExVeemon (Ex): He's too shady and it's difficult to comprehend him without a porper background, but his kind attitude is more than good for making him be a kind BIG friend for Flamey.
Gabumon: Barely appeared, but I enjoyed the way he did, besides, he acted like he would.
Semantics: 8/10. I liked the variations in vocabulary you use, words are barely repeated in each consecutive sentence. Your way of describing the events using signs ( ? ! ) is something very like you, but it gives the sentences themselves a good air along with them.
Writing: 8/10. Your writing is very appropiate and neatly done, though I wouldn't mix speakers in the same paragraphs, sometimes, it makes the readers get confused. You should also revise the punctuations in some dialogs where they are misused.
Lemon: 8/10. I liked how it went, starting from a bit of arousal, to an oral Yaoi scene. This plainly shows how Ex cared for his friend, just so he could make him feel good. What I think, is that you could have made Ex caress Flamedramon some more before starting to directly suck. What about some tail-playing? I particulary like that when it comes to two dragons mating. Overall, you did a pretty good job with it.
Total Score: 40/50= ( 8 )
Notes: The whole story, I liked; but you could improve when it comes to the correct characterization of the main character, he isn't a scardy cat, though it makes him CUTE, it is not the Flamedramon we know. Keep doing a good job, Wolfey, Im looking forward to see more of your work, I want this series to be continued!
Well, let's start by common things, the graduation will be based on five aspects I'll clarify below. After I sum all the scores, a single grade will remain.
Just for you to know, this is NOT meant to bash or literally or indirectly tell you that you suck. My criteria is only to help you improve.
Here are the things to note:
Plot.
Characters.
Semantics.
Writing.
Lemon.
------------
Plot: 9/10. I've been reading the whole series, and I enjoy it; the story has a very special air about it... I love how it develops part by part, everything is connected just good, and it almost never loses it's grip! And this Chapter was no-exception, the plot was complete and understable, though Ex is too mysterious and I think he needs a bit more of an explaining of why he acts the way he does.
Characters: 7/10. I like to divide and judge the characters individually.
Flamedramon: Unfortunately, being the series's Flamedramon, he seems not to have much courage. But otherwise, the plot itself would be ruined if his attitude matched the one of the series in every aspect. Not bad, but not good either.
Greymon: Yeah, his evil character with an OVER-jealous attitude convinces me in this chapter, you did a good job with him.
ExVeemon (Ex): He's too shady and it's difficult to comprehend him without a porper background, but his kind attitude is more than good for making him be a kind BIG friend for Flamey.
Gabumon: Barely appeared, but I enjoyed the way he did, besides, he acted like he would.
Semantics: 8/10. I liked the variations in vocabulary you use, words are barely repeated in each consecutive sentence. Your way of describing the events using signs ( ? ! ) is something very like you, but it gives the sentences themselves a good air along with them.
Writing: 8/10. Your writing is very appropiate and neatly done, though I wouldn't mix speakers in the same paragraphs, sometimes, it makes the readers get confused. You should also revise the punctuations in some dialogs where they are misused.
Lemon: 8/10. I liked how it went, starting from a bit of arousal, to an oral Yaoi scene. This plainly shows how Ex cared for his friend, just so he could make him feel good. What I think, is that you could have made Ex caress Flamedramon some more before starting to directly suck. What about some tail-playing? I particulary like that when it comes to two dragons mating. Overall, you did a pretty good job with it.
Total Score: 40/50= ( 8 )
Notes: The whole story, I liked; but you could improve when it comes to the correct characterization of the main character, he isn't a scardy cat, though it makes him CUTE, it is not the Flamedramon we know. Keep doing a good job, Wolfey, Im looking forward to see more of your work, I want this series to be continued!
![[Image: FearthatPlushy.jpg]](http://i24.photobucket.com/albums/c40/BlackSpyromv_33/FearthatPlushy.jpg)
