07-19-2006, 12:13 AM
No problem, I'll review the second chapter for you now. I'll use the same method as before.
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Plot: 7/10. My idea in how the plot is here, is almost the same as the previous chapter. However, this one seems troubled, it lacks description of the past events, and everything happens way too fast, without actually letting one character to walk and make him or her instantly change location.
Characters: 6/10.
Veedramon: He's ALMOST same as before, good characterization, though he doesn't take a very similar attitude than in chapter 1, it seems he's more tranquil and yet he doesn't do much here.
Gatomon: Nothing big actually happens, but her atittude remains unchanged, so it's ok.
Patamon: This new character personally confuses me, his attitude changes way too fast from angry to happy or to disrespectful or anything else I forgot to mention. His background isn't too clear and it confuses me even more.
Semantics: 5/10. Unfortunately, here you go through the same track, variation of words is your problem. It's like you don't difer from using other words to talk about the same. An example is the over-use of the word ''Human'' in the beggining, where you could have used other words like: "Being" "Man/Woman" "Guy/Girl" "Person" and many more.
Writing: 5/10. Your writing is average good here as well, but then again, it would be good to give new speakers new paragraphs, also, there are many punctuation errors after dialogues mostly.
Lemon: There's no Lemon in this story, so no comment or qualification will be made.
Final score: 23/40= (5.75)
Notes: This chapter had a good air with it, but unfortunately, mistakes with your writing and the lack of good Semantics leaves lots to expect. A pity you couldn't add a Lemon scene here. I recommend you to try to work the characters a bit more, it's like they appear and do and say things randomly. Overall, this chapter was average. Keep going with your work, I like it.
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Plot: 7/10. My idea in how the plot is here, is almost the same as the previous chapter. However, this one seems troubled, it lacks description of the past events, and everything happens way too fast, without actually letting one character to walk and make him or her instantly change location.
Characters: 6/10.
Veedramon: He's ALMOST same as before, good characterization, though he doesn't take a very similar attitude than in chapter 1, it seems he's more tranquil and yet he doesn't do much here.
Gatomon: Nothing big actually happens, but her atittude remains unchanged, so it's ok.
Patamon: This new character personally confuses me, his attitude changes way too fast from angry to happy or to disrespectful or anything else I forgot to mention. His background isn't too clear and it confuses me even more.
Semantics: 5/10. Unfortunately, here you go through the same track, variation of words is your problem. It's like you don't difer from using other words to talk about the same. An example is the over-use of the word ''Human'' in the beggining, where you could have used other words like: "Being" "Man/Woman" "Guy/Girl" "Person" and many more.
Writing: 5/10. Your writing is average good here as well, but then again, it would be good to give new speakers new paragraphs, also, there are many punctuation errors after dialogues mostly.
Lemon: There's no Lemon in this story, so no comment or qualification will be made.
Final score: 23/40= (5.75)
Notes: This chapter had a good air with it, but unfortunately, mistakes with your writing and the lack of good Semantics leaves lots to expect. A pity you couldn't add a Lemon scene here. I recommend you to try to work the characters a bit more, it's like they appear and do and say things randomly. Overall, this chapter was average. Keep going with your work, I like it.
![[Image: FearthatPlushy.jpg]](http://i24.photobucket.com/albums/c40/BlackSpyromv_33/FearthatPlushy.jpg)
