07-18-2006, 02:11 PM
I'm going to review your series, I'll start with the first one now, my points to look will be the basic ones:
Plot.
Characters.
Semantics.
Writing.
Lemon.
Then, a single grade will result out of this.
Thing to add, don't take this review as an offense, my intention is to give out advanced constructive criticsism.
---------------
Plot: 8/10. The Plot for the first chapter is very nicely done, I enjoy the descriptions in the prologue and the whole beggining, still, I would like to see a bit more background for Gatomon, since she takes a good part in the story itself.
Characters: 7/10.
Veedramon: His story is quite blurry to get at first, it's somewhat confusing how he acts here, but it's not bad.
Gatomon: Again, she is literally used as a hole for Veedramon, not much is given out for the kitty. Maybe a little background would help.
Semantics: 5/10. You lack variation in words, you tend to repeat them over and over, like the names for example. Another good thing you could do is get the characters to speak out more. It seems everything happens WAY too fast for them.
Writing: 6/10. You have good writing, but you seem to have a problem with dialogues, you should let new speakers have new paragraphs for themselves. Also, little spelling mistakes I noticed, and some tense misusing in some parts.
Lemon: 7/10. It's good overall, but you could have done better, it's like they started and had 6 seconds to enjoy, then they cummed. I think you could have described the way Veedramon moved inside her when he was riding her, or as bonus, a better way of describing how he played with her chest.
Final Score: 32/50= (6.4)
Notes: Your writing is good, you barely have typing mistakes, but you could describe in better ways when it comes to the character's themselves, not to mention their own attitudes and the way they speak. Also, a nice variation with words will be pretty good. And finally, when making a Lemon scene, I'd try to make the characters enjoy something that can last, not days, but some good time.
Plot.
Characters.
Semantics.
Writing.
Lemon.
Then, a single grade will result out of this.
Thing to add, don't take this review as an offense, my intention is to give out advanced constructive criticsism.
---------------
Plot: 8/10. The Plot for the first chapter is very nicely done, I enjoy the descriptions in the prologue and the whole beggining, still, I would like to see a bit more background for Gatomon, since she takes a good part in the story itself.
Characters: 7/10.
Veedramon: His story is quite blurry to get at first, it's somewhat confusing how he acts here, but it's not bad.
Gatomon: Again, she is literally used as a hole for Veedramon, not much is given out for the kitty. Maybe a little background would help.
Semantics: 5/10. You lack variation in words, you tend to repeat them over and over, like the names for example. Another good thing you could do is get the characters to speak out more. It seems everything happens WAY too fast for them.
Writing: 6/10. You have good writing, but you seem to have a problem with dialogues, you should let new speakers have new paragraphs for themselves. Also, little spelling mistakes I noticed, and some tense misusing in some parts.
Lemon: 7/10. It's good overall, but you could have done better, it's like they started and had 6 seconds to enjoy, then they cummed. I think you could have described the way Veedramon moved inside her when he was riding her, or as bonus, a better way of describing how he played with her chest.
Final Score: 32/50= (6.4)
Notes: Your writing is good, you barely have typing mistakes, but you could describe in better ways when it comes to the character's themselves, not to mention their own attitudes and the way they speak. Also, a nice variation with words will be pretty good. And finally, when making a Lemon scene, I'd try to make the characters enjoy something that can last, not days, but some good time.
![[Image: FearthatPlushy.jpg]](http://i24.photobucket.com/albums/c40/BlackSpyromv_33/FearthatPlushy.jpg)
