03-31-2003, 04:35 AM
ThunderEchoes, and Hazan also, I would much appreciate if you would post your comments on the fics. My final judge didn't have any, but I still have little time to spare, so I'll keep my comments short, and just C&P them from the judging file.
----- Judgement Day: Kharon Alpha's Scores -----
Entry 1: Unforgiven
Lord Archive
Plot -- 14
A bit bland. Original, hell yes, but a bit bland all the same. A few plot twists add a bit of spicy flavor, but not quite a saving grace.
Character Depth -- 16
Most of the characterization comes from the few plot twists, but thanks to them, the story flows smoothly and Ruki's character change is understandable.
Lemon scene(s) -- 18
Only one, and well written as he usually does. Though it seems like a rape, and is portrayed as one, it's a fine example of this story.
Writing Quality -- 20
He is Lord Archive, and his writings are always above par. The judgement is not made because of who he is, though, but simply on this story's own credit.
Grammar -- 19
Excellent grammar, but the usual typos and occasional missing words keep it from perfection. No fears, nobody is perfect in grammatical skills.
Shakespeare Reference: +1
Total: 88
Overall: 92 (I feel this story is worthy of a 92% score through it's blending use of all the categories, and not relying on any one of them.)
----------------------------
Entry 2: Submission to Love
Chibi Renamon
Plot -- 12
To be honest, slave girl stories aren't uncommon, Digimon ones aren't even rare. Triggering the story on her birthday wasn't new, but a few nice devices (wanna know what they were? Read it yourself) were welcome changes from the norm in this category.
Character Depth -- 10
Capturing accuracy of their portrayal is great, but an apparent lack of growth since the series hurts the depth of the characters. The two focused on were decent, but they didn't excel in characterization, in any way.
Lemon Scene(s) -- 16
Excellent work, but they're dry. We don't need technical descriptions, but the short sentences used in this entry limit the experience a bit. It got me going, but only because of the grand scale used here.
Writing Quality -- 18
Well done, but the sentences and paragraphs were too short. I know even I've fallen into the line by line format at times, but I also recognize that doing a whole story in line by line form isn't good.
Grammar -- 18
Well done, not too many typos. As I've said, nobody is perfect.
Shakespeare Reference: +0
Total: 74
Overall: 80
Worth reading, the overall score is from blending the elements. It's a mini-epic, done in short chapters, and is worth reading. It would've been a shame to overlook this, but I'd likely have done so had it not been in the contest.
----------------------------
Entry 3: Servitude
Red Rover
Plot -- 19
Not quite the tack I was expecting to be taken by those who chose Tailmon, but still not bad. His plots often make up for his poor grammar.
Character Depth -- 14
Tailmon, Pico Devimon, Vandemon... all portrayed somewhat blandly. They know and react to the others, but still they are dry and bland.
Lemon Scene(s) -- 18
With the position this story puts Tailmon in, it should be little surprise that the lemon scene is a bit dry and dull -- read if you want to know why. Because this type of scene works with the story, I feel it deserves a good score.
Writing Quality -- 14
This is largely tied in with the grammar score, because despite being known for high quality lemons, this author hurts his quality in some views by his grammatical and typographic errors.
Grammar -- 17
As usual, the story is plagued with grammatical problems. Though many overlook these errors due to his status and renown, in a contest such things must not be overlooked.
Shakespeare Reference: +0
Total: 82
Overall: 82
This is Red Rover, and he's not someone to be taken lightly, even if he does suck at grammar. The story is great, but a bit rushed. Also, I expected the strong Tailmon, not the pre-Eighth Child one. Sadly, Red withdrew after I had judged the story, making his score invalid.
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Entry 4: Cat's Outta The Bag
Paladine900
Plot -- 3
PWP: I think we know what that means. The bare minimum of exposition is given that it isn't a pure lemon, but it may as well be a PWP. This is not to judge all of her work, but this one lacks plot.
Character Depth -- 13
Not really there. Little background on the situation, and it moves into a ten page lemon scene by page three. You don't need character for that kind of story, even though it wouldn't hurt.
Lemon Scene(s) -- 20
Damn, it is fucking rare that I see such an excellent scene. Were I in the mood, I could address how the grammar problems hurt it, but the scene itself was good enough to earn a perfect score, and I have no doubt this will be her trademark: Excellent, thorough, and arousing sex scenes.
Writing Quality -- 16
Great style, good story, but not quite up to par. A lot of it comes from an apparent lack of mastery of the English language, not a severe lack, but on par with what many high school students I personally know might have. It's not that they don't know it, but that they haven't mastered the skills they've been taught. It hard to describe, really.
Grammar -- 10
Could use a lot of work, maybe even a proofreader. The lemon scenes are great, and usually it's homonyms that she's mixing up, but on occasion there are typos that just make me pause and lose the flow of the story. Not good.
Shakespeare Reference: +0
Total: 62
Overall: 80
This is a poor example of a "story", but an excellent sample of an extremely good lemon scene, which makes up for the lack of plot and characterization. Read this one if only for the lemon scene.
----------------------------
Entry 5: The Abominable Triangle
Hybrid Halogen
Plot -- 16
Boy likes girl, girl likes other boy, other boy likes other girl. Throw in a dash of Digimon battles involving Henry getting beaten up, and you have a recipe for a story. This story might have done better if it hadn't recycled a plot device I used back when Tamers was freshly dubbed, though.
Character Depth -- 10
A few slight flaws with Rika, from the beginning onward. Also, Henry doesn't take Judo, as I recall he takes Tai Chi. Miss Asaji isn't Henry's teacher, and Rika doesn't even go to the same school as the boys, to name a few flaws. The story abounds with such mistakes.
Lemon Scene(s) -- 17
Not amazing, but decent. Working in two of them gets some extra points, though neither one is anything special.
Writing Quality -- 14
Stop stealing my plot devices! The whole Ruki/Takato/Juri triangle is MY job. Other than that, not a horrible style, but nothing too exciting. It doesn't draw me in, but it doesn't push me away either.
Grammar -- 12
Not great, a lot of missing punctuation, occasionally missing words, sometimes just letters. A proofreader would definitely be suggested, but the story flows well enough despite these grammatical mistakes.
Shakespeare Reference:
Total: 69
Overall: 75
It's a good story that would have done better without being a lemon, in my opinion. Also, proofreading and more thought on his own plot elements would be nice. But I was very reminded of my own story involving a Ruki/Takato/Juri triangle, though mine was a bit subtler.
----------------------------
There's my scores and reasonings, but I don't have much time right now. I've got work to do today, so I'll check back later.
----- Judgement Day: Kharon Alpha's Scores -----
Entry 1: Unforgiven
Lord Archive
Plot -- 14
A bit bland. Original, hell yes, but a bit bland all the same. A few plot twists add a bit of spicy flavor, but not quite a saving grace.
Character Depth -- 16
Most of the characterization comes from the few plot twists, but thanks to them, the story flows smoothly and Ruki's character change is understandable.
Lemon scene(s) -- 18
Only one, and well written as he usually does. Though it seems like a rape, and is portrayed as one, it's a fine example of this story.
Writing Quality -- 20
He is Lord Archive, and his writings are always above par. The judgement is not made because of who he is, though, but simply on this story's own credit.
Grammar -- 19
Excellent grammar, but the usual typos and occasional missing words keep it from perfection. No fears, nobody is perfect in grammatical skills.
Shakespeare Reference: +1
Total: 88
Overall: 92 (I feel this story is worthy of a 92% score through it's blending use of all the categories, and not relying on any one of them.)
----------------------------
Entry 2: Submission to Love
Chibi Renamon
Plot -- 12
To be honest, slave girl stories aren't uncommon, Digimon ones aren't even rare. Triggering the story on her birthday wasn't new, but a few nice devices (wanna know what they were? Read it yourself) were welcome changes from the norm in this category.
Character Depth -- 10
Capturing accuracy of their portrayal is great, but an apparent lack of growth since the series hurts the depth of the characters. The two focused on were decent, but they didn't excel in characterization, in any way.
Lemon Scene(s) -- 16
Excellent work, but they're dry. We don't need technical descriptions, but the short sentences used in this entry limit the experience a bit. It got me going, but only because of the grand scale used here.
Writing Quality -- 18
Well done, but the sentences and paragraphs were too short. I know even I've fallen into the line by line format at times, but I also recognize that doing a whole story in line by line form isn't good.
Grammar -- 18
Well done, not too many typos. As I've said, nobody is perfect.
Shakespeare Reference: +0
Total: 74
Overall: 80
Worth reading, the overall score is from blending the elements. It's a mini-epic, done in short chapters, and is worth reading. It would've been a shame to overlook this, but I'd likely have done so had it not been in the contest.
----------------------------
Entry 3: Servitude
Red Rover
Plot -- 19
Not quite the tack I was expecting to be taken by those who chose Tailmon, but still not bad. His plots often make up for his poor grammar.
Character Depth -- 14
Tailmon, Pico Devimon, Vandemon... all portrayed somewhat blandly. They know and react to the others, but still they are dry and bland.
Lemon Scene(s) -- 18
With the position this story puts Tailmon in, it should be little surprise that the lemon scene is a bit dry and dull -- read if you want to know why. Because this type of scene works with the story, I feel it deserves a good score.
Writing Quality -- 14
This is largely tied in with the grammar score, because despite being known for high quality lemons, this author hurts his quality in some views by his grammatical and typographic errors.
Grammar -- 17
As usual, the story is plagued with grammatical problems. Though many overlook these errors due to his status and renown, in a contest such things must not be overlooked.
Shakespeare Reference: +0
Total: 82
Overall: 82
This is Red Rover, and he's not someone to be taken lightly, even if he does suck at grammar. The story is great, but a bit rushed. Also, I expected the strong Tailmon, not the pre-Eighth Child one. Sadly, Red withdrew after I had judged the story, making his score invalid.
----------------------------
Entry 4: Cat's Outta The Bag
Paladine900
Plot -- 3
PWP: I think we know what that means. The bare minimum of exposition is given that it isn't a pure lemon, but it may as well be a PWP. This is not to judge all of her work, but this one lacks plot.
Character Depth -- 13
Not really there. Little background on the situation, and it moves into a ten page lemon scene by page three. You don't need character for that kind of story, even though it wouldn't hurt.
Lemon Scene(s) -- 20
Damn, it is fucking rare that I see such an excellent scene. Were I in the mood, I could address how the grammar problems hurt it, but the scene itself was good enough to earn a perfect score, and I have no doubt this will be her trademark: Excellent, thorough, and arousing sex scenes.
Writing Quality -- 16
Great style, good story, but not quite up to par. A lot of it comes from an apparent lack of mastery of the English language, not a severe lack, but on par with what many high school students I personally know might have. It's not that they don't know it, but that they haven't mastered the skills they've been taught. It hard to describe, really.
Grammar -- 10
Could use a lot of work, maybe even a proofreader. The lemon scenes are great, and usually it's homonyms that she's mixing up, but on occasion there are typos that just make me pause and lose the flow of the story. Not good.
Shakespeare Reference: +0
Total: 62
Overall: 80
This is a poor example of a "story", but an excellent sample of an extremely good lemon scene, which makes up for the lack of plot and characterization. Read this one if only for the lemon scene.
----------------------------
Entry 5: The Abominable Triangle
Hybrid Halogen
Plot -- 16
Boy likes girl, girl likes other boy, other boy likes other girl. Throw in a dash of Digimon battles involving Henry getting beaten up, and you have a recipe for a story. This story might have done better if it hadn't recycled a plot device I used back when Tamers was freshly dubbed, though.
Character Depth -- 10
A few slight flaws with Rika, from the beginning onward. Also, Henry doesn't take Judo, as I recall he takes Tai Chi. Miss Asaji isn't Henry's teacher, and Rika doesn't even go to the same school as the boys, to name a few flaws. The story abounds with such mistakes.
Lemon Scene(s) -- 17
Not amazing, but decent. Working in two of them gets some extra points, though neither one is anything special.
Writing Quality -- 14
Stop stealing my plot devices! The whole Ruki/Takato/Juri triangle is MY job. Other than that, not a horrible style, but nothing too exciting. It doesn't draw me in, but it doesn't push me away either.
Grammar -- 12
Not great, a lot of missing punctuation, occasionally missing words, sometimes just letters. A proofreader would definitely be suggested, but the story flows well enough despite these grammatical mistakes.
Shakespeare Reference:
Total: 69
Overall: 75
It's a good story that would have done better without being a lemon, in my opinion. Also, proofreading and more thought on his own plot elements would be nice. But I was very reminded of my own story involving a Ruki/Takato/Juri triangle, though mine was a bit subtler.
----------------------------
There's my scores and reasonings, but I don't have much time right now. I've got work to do today, so I'll check back later.