My SECOND Piece

[Marine]

Strange, I actually though some of the action scenes were too short. I like to do everything frame-by-frame.

The actions scenes weren't long, but the scentences you used to write it could use some tinkering. For example:

The ramp of the assault boat splashed down into the surf, barely missing an anti-ship mine planted earlier by the Krauts.

planted earlier by the Krauts is unessecary and from my viewpoint, placing backstory in an action scene.

-Some places suffer from what I call the 'Wisemon effect' (or telling instead of showing). Where you place an abstract fact where it could be shown over the course of the craft, thus creating interesting setting or character that your readers can indulge.

For Example:

The waves were crashing against the bow of the small assault craft. Machine guns were heard chattering up ahead.

Even though readers prefer to draw pictures from their own imaginations, its better, when writing setting, to draw with unusual words or strong verbs and nouns to help them draw conclusions. 'Were and was' aren't action verbs, as a matter of fact the just relay blatant facts about the subject.

Another Example:

Forgetting he wasn't a medic, forgetting he wasn't a hero,

-You could expand on that characteristic based on actions. In my opinion, nothing makes a character more real when they act, thus revealing character.

--As I tell all those writers who ask for critique or opinion, it is only that. My opinion. You are welcome to embrace my thoughts or ignore every word.