03-07-2006, 02:30 PM
Okay, so the first story I have took place in May of 2003. A prof was going to Ireland for the summer, and she asked me to housesit for her and take care of her cats. She also said I could use their car and have parties if I wanted to, as long as the police didn't end up showing up. I gladly housesat for them, though I think my perscription sunglasses somehow fell into their luggage, because I never saw them again after that first day.
So a few days in, I decide it's time to have a bash. A creepy pseudo-friend of mine's birthday was coming up, so it was a suitable excuse for us to get pie-eyed. Everything was in order. I built it, and they came.
Among the people who came that I am no longer friends with (long story there!), one of them was quite famous for his very potent punch. Potent in that it was so alcoholic that you couldn't even taste it because it burnt the fuck out of your tongue. Aaaah, I loved that stuff.
I was drinking the classy combination of shots of tequila followed by a bottle of Rev, a super sugary cooler kind of drink made from guarana. A female friend of mine said, "Hey Jon, wanna play '1-2-3 drink a cup'?" Naturally, I obliged.
The object of this game is to count to three (relatively quickly) and then drink a whole glass of punch. And then to do it again, and again, and again, until one of the participants could no longer continue. I'd like to point out that at this point, I'd already had about 5 shots of tequila and 2 Rev and was in no shape to continue drinking, by my philosophy is that if I can stand, I can drink. And stand I could, so drink I did.
I can't really remember a whole lot else after that point, except for when the four girls that referred to themselves as "my hos" were getting ready to leave. One had a girlfriend (incidentally, this was my current girlfriend) but the other three were single. Capitalizing on this 75% singleness, I drunkenly slurred at them, "No nonono, c'mon up and see the bedroom, the bed is soooo big."
Just to stop your thoughts right there, no, we didn't have an orgy. But I did make out with three of them, and one of them ended up spending the night in the bed with me. Score!
My body wasn't quite finished with me yet, however. I decided at 6AM that I had slept long enough, and it was time to take care of a few things. After talking to Ralph on the big porcelain phone for about 25 minutes, I managed to suck back some water to get back into bed a seize for about 5 hours, getting up intermittently to vomit.
Incidentally, I was trying to get on the go with the girl I ended up sleeping with, but shortly afterward deemed that her psychotic and egocentric personality deemed her to be "undatable." Shortly after, she was expelled from the ranks of "my hos" and to this day remains standoffish to us.
Yes, this story wasn't the best one, but I just had to set up a few things, like my proclivity to drinking far too much, and the physical ramifications this has. I really shine in the next story...
So a few days in, I decide it's time to have a bash. A creepy pseudo-friend of mine's birthday was coming up, so it was a suitable excuse for us to get pie-eyed. Everything was in order. I built it, and they came.
Among the people who came that I am no longer friends with (long story there!), one of them was quite famous for his very potent punch. Potent in that it was so alcoholic that you couldn't even taste it because it burnt the fuck out of your tongue. Aaaah, I loved that stuff.
I was drinking the classy combination of shots of tequila followed by a bottle of Rev, a super sugary cooler kind of drink made from guarana. A female friend of mine said, "Hey Jon, wanna play '1-2-3 drink a cup'?" Naturally, I obliged.
The object of this game is to count to three (relatively quickly) and then drink a whole glass of punch. And then to do it again, and again, and again, until one of the participants could no longer continue. I'd like to point out that at this point, I'd already had about 5 shots of tequila and 2 Rev and was in no shape to continue drinking, by my philosophy is that if I can stand, I can drink. And stand I could, so drink I did.
I can't really remember a whole lot else after that point, except for when the four girls that referred to themselves as "my hos" were getting ready to leave. One had a girlfriend (incidentally, this was my current girlfriend) but the other three were single. Capitalizing on this 75% singleness, I drunkenly slurred at them, "No nonono, c'mon up and see the bedroom, the bed is soooo big."
Just to stop your thoughts right there, no, we didn't have an orgy. But I did make out with three of them, and one of them ended up spending the night in the bed with me. Score!
My body wasn't quite finished with me yet, however. I decided at 6AM that I had slept long enough, and it was time to take care of a few things. After talking to Ralph on the big porcelain phone for about 25 minutes, I managed to suck back some water to get back into bed a seize for about 5 hours, getting up intermittently to vomit.
Incidentally, I was trying to get on the go with the girl I ended up sleeping with, but shortly afterward deemed that her psychotic and egocentric personality deemed her to be "undatable." Shortly after, she was expelled from the ranks of "my hos" and to this day remains standoffish to us.
Yes, this story wasn't the best one, but I just had to set up a few things, like my proclivity to drinking far too much, and the physical ramifications this has. I really shine in the next story...