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need a beta reader

Wisemon Offline

The Cold Voice of Logic

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#10

03-09-2005, 06:12 AM

Quote:and wisemon how do you suggest i improve the way that the speech is set out?

On second thought, it is pretty clear. You just need to switch out the few ambiguous "he's", and change the periods inside the quotes to commas.

"I looked up and saw you;
I know that you saw me.
We froze but for a moment
In empathy."-Rise Against

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Messages In This Thread

need a beta reader - by Archaon - 03-03-2005, 02:02 AM

[No subject] - by Wisemon - 03-03-2005, 03:40 AM

[No subject] - by Archaon - 03-03-2005, 06:30 AM

[No subject] - by Wisemon - 03-03-2005, 07:11 AM

[No subject] - by Archaon - 03-03-2005, 05:23 PM

[No subject] - by hhvorausgesagt - 03-03-2005, 05:24 PM

[No subject] - by Archaon - 03-08-2005, 06:33 AM

[No subject] - by hhvorausgesagt - 03-08-2005, 09:52 AM

[No subject] - by Archaon - 03-08-2005, 05:21 PM

[No subject] - by Wisemon - 03-09-2005, 06:12 AM

[No subject] - by hhvorausgesagt - 03-09-2005, 03:26 PM

[No subject] - by Archaon - 03-16-2005, 02:06 AM

[No subject] - by Wisemon - 03-16-2005, 09:10 AM

[No subject] - by Archaon - 03-17-2005, 06:59 AM

[No subject] - by hhvorausgesagt - 03-18-2005, 12:16 PM

[No subject] - by Link7 - 03-18-2005, 12:32 PM

[No subject] - by hhvorausgesagt - 03-18-2005, 12:42 PM

[No subject] - by Link7 - 03-18-2005, 12:46 PM

[No subject] - by hhvorausgesagt - 03-18-2005, 12:50 PM

[No subject] - by Link7 - 03-18-2005, 12:51 PM

[No subject] - by Link7 - 03-18-2005, 12:55 PM

[No subject] - by hhvorausgesagt - 03-18-2005, 12:56 PM

[No subject] - by hhvorausgesagt - 03-18-2005, 12:57 PM

[No subject] - by Link7 - 03-18-2005, 12:59 PM

[No subject] - by hhvorausgesagt - 03-18-2005, 01:06 PM

[No subject] - by Link7 - 03-18-2005, 01:10 PM

[No subject] - by Archaon - 04-21-2006, 05:01 AM