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need a beta reader
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03-03-2005, 03:40 AM
I read your first lemon. No offense, but grammar is the least of your problems. Your dialogue is choppy and all over the place. Start by identifying who your speakers are, and then maybe somebody will be able to follow your story enough to fix it.
![[Image: AppealtoReason.jpg]](http://i54.photobucket.com/albums/g100/baw01002/Album%20Covers/AppealtoReason.jpg) "I looked up and saw you; I know that you saw me. We froze but for a moment In empathy."-Rise Against |
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| Messages In This Thread |
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need a beta reader - by Archaon - 03-03-2005, 02:02 AM
[No subject] - by Wisemon - 03-03-2005, 03:40 AM
[No subject] - by Archaon - 03-03-2005, 06:30 AM
[No subject] - by Wisemon - 03-03-2005, 07:11 AM
[No subject] - by Archaon - 03-03-2005, 05:23 PM
[No subject] - by hhvorausgesagt - 03-03-2005, 05:24 PM
[No subject] - by Archaon - 03-08-2005, 06:33 AM
[No subject] - by hhvorausgesagt - 03-08-2005, 09:52 AM
[No subject] - by Archaon - 03-08-2005, 05:21 PM
[No subject] - by Wisemon - 03-09-2005, 06:12 AM
[No subject] - by hhvorausgesagt - 03-09-2005, 03:26 PM
[No subject] - by Archaon - 03-16-2005, 02:06 AM
[No subject] - by Wisemon - 03-16-2005, 09:10 AM
[No subject] - by Archaon - 03-17-2005, 06:59 AM
[No subject] - by hhvorausgesagt - 03-18-2005, 12:16 PM
[No subject] - by Link7 - 03-18-2005, 12:32 PM
[No subject] - by hhvorausgesagt - 03-18-2005, 12:42 PM
[No subject] - by hhvorausgesagt - 03-18-2005, 12:42 PM
[No subject] - by Link7 - 03-18-2005, 12:46 PM
[No subject] - by hhvorausgesagt - 03-18-2005, 12:50 PM
[No subject] - by Link7 - 03-18-2005, 12:51 PM
[No subject] - by Link7 - 03-18-2005, 12:55 PM
[No subject] - by hhvorausgesagt - 03-18-2005, 12:56 PM
[No subject] - by hhvorausgesagt - 03-18-2005, 12:57 PM
[No subject] - by Link7 - 03-18-2005, 12:59 PM
[No subject] - by hhvorausgesagt - 03-18-2005, 01:06 PM
[No subject] - by Link7 - 03-18-2005, 01:10 PM
[No subject] - by Archaon - 04-21-2006, 05:01 AM
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