Lady of Corruption (Mind Control, straight)

[Renafan]

Quick and to the point. It's not bad it just needs more room to develop. This is more a teaser than anything else. This shows you have potential...you have good grammatical ability and can tell a short story if anything. Practice and develop your writing style, see how other people write their stories and go from there. The greatest stories of today's generation are drawn by inspiration from other works.