09-10-2010, 12:30 AM
There are several things you oughta check. You've been forgetting some aposthropes here and there when you're being objective about someone's or something's stuffs. Maybe you write too fast and forget to re-read your sentences? Also, try hitting Ctrl + F and typing in "continue", search until you find a weird sentence where you forgot a D at the end to have said sentence make sense.
There are other minor, overlooked errors such as these throughout the fic, but like you said it needs to be perfected, so it's no big deal.
Other than grammar & spelling, the story went smoothly. Right up until there was a bulge against Natsuko's back. A light hint of foreshadowing could've prepared me to discard the possibility of Sayuri being a herm (or futa) in this fanfic; because, that dildo actually came outta nowhere.
On a personal note, that's some particularly interesting method to seek the focus of a student and I think I've seen it before, just not in this way you portrayed it as; extrapolated to cooking. Not complaining though. Crimson would love this.
There are other minor, overlooked errors such as these throughout the fic, but like you said it needs to be perfected, so it's no big deal.
Other than grammar & spelling, the story went smoothly. Right up until there was a bulge against Natsuko's back. A light hint of foreshadowing could've prepared me to discard the possibility of Sayuri being a herm (or futa) in this fanfic; because, that dildo actually came outta nowhere.
On a personal note, that's some particularly interesting method to seek the focus of a student and I think I've seen it before, just not in this way you portrayed it as; extrapolated to cooking. Not complaining though. Crimson would love this.
![[Image: FearthatPlushy.jpg]](http://i24.photobucket.com/albums/c40/BlackSpyromv_33/FearthatPlushy.jpg)
