04-09-2010, 10:42 PM
(04-09-2010 02:33 PM)Psycho Backlasher Wrote: Yes, actually, I did listen to the songs. But like I said, I got totally different visions that clashed with the story. I think Lucemon, OOC or not, needs a more developed character, if he is the main protagonist of this series.
I can't tell what kind of person he is, for one thing. Its like him being a digimon doesn't amount for anything, and the story wouldn't be any different if he were just a regular human. All I've found out so far about him is that he's quite used to being in the human world like he's been there all his life, is addicted to drugs and can get sexually excited, but I don't know if he's a cheery person, if he's generally serious, lighthearted, kind, chauvinistic... I also know that he's at the very least, friends with your character, Ari.
My advice is to try and give Lucemon a little more depth, a little more personality, and try not to make music or Lucemon the main focus and backbone of the story. Lucemon is part of the story, not the story, so the plot will need to be a little more obvious. Currently, the plot you wrote is a muddled version of getting from Point A to Point B, in a straight line... but it felt lacking somehow, unless it's part of a series. I'm not sure what to say about that as I'm not much of a writer, and I don't really know so much about fine-tuning plots or characters, but I'm sure there's someone here or anywhere else on fanfiction.net who can give you tips.
Thanks for the tip, dude. I might just rework the entire story. Let me add something to this; the song choices I picked were set as a backdrop to the activity within the story, which I thought was a great idea. I should have shorten the paragraph lengths or included the lyrics on another line than the paragraphs.