There's so much shit around me, such a lack of compassion

[Crim]

My Lord, fault them not for their lack of knowledge of handling the divine discharge that springs forth from your bowels! Forgive them, my lord.

That's hilarious, nice word choice, but I'm really not so inclined to forgive a major plumbing design flaw.

Mercy, my lord, I'm pleading your mercy on the behalf of the heathens. Beseech your servant's prayer!

Either that, or lay off on the fiber. If your making "Mt. Kilamanjaro" every time you drop the boys off at the pool, you're pooping just a wee bit too much.

The toilet should conform to my diet, not the other way around. Besides, I just had a physical, and my blood tests show I'm very healthy. It's a good diet.

*Z snaps* Damn straight, my lord! You TELL him! Change your damn diet. -the hell he think he is? Dr. Oz?

I have to say this is the most sophisticated poop thread I have ever seen.
Is your cistern holding enough water?

cistern = the place where water resides pre-flush. The box structure on which your back rests when sitting.