Failed attempts at living simple lives are what keep me coming back to you

[blueeyedgabulvo0o]

It is a fast pace lyric lines and there are two points where you should try to double up your tempo cause in your attempt you seem to have lost your place. Other then those two times, this is really not bad. ^^

Thanks, which two points? This is the easiest one for me to adjust.

What sounds like the follow up to the mini chorus's the first two seem to be out of any pentameter and the last one is fine because its gives its concussive edge to the ending and makes for a better point to the piece.
"I don't have to drown in your waste."

"I don't have to browze all you like."

"I don't have to boy to your fix."

Double time the first time or even faster then that into your mini chorus's....

Hope that is insightful.