05-17-2007, 02:54 AM
I have discussed this with Blue (or what he portrayed himself as) and well all I felt for Gunter, and all my love that I had for him was made from malice and a form of betrayal. I thought this person could be my one and with my luck the one thing I thought that was right, was clearly something that was fake. My loss is the weight that Atlas has carrying the Earth on his back every day. It hurt me so much to not only fall for such a vindictive charade, but hurt my esteem and made me feel like it was my fault that life had screwed me again. I have dealt with so much in my 21 years of existence which shouldn't be dealt with by anyone.
"It makes you stronger".... That is Bull shit and the truth in so many more ways.
Bull shit in that each time something happens, it tends to hurt more then the next because when you think things can't get any worse, there is life reminding you that it does. Then here is the truth behind it that when you get that, it seems as if, you know someone else who is going through the same thing, you can help them because you understand through experience. I guess by me going through the fires of Hades that I can help others that need it but its getting to the point where I would like for someone outside this oasis, and someone in the real world to be a superhero to me rather, me to them.
With this stuff, I really kept in to myself, and I wanted to quit, because the reason I was originally here is gone, and I was a total wreck. I was depressed and gained a good 10+ pounds in the process. I couldn't talk to anyone and when my close friend found out, he was his same non-comforting self. I was trying to think why should I be here when the only thing that kept me here was something that was made in a way to mock me? Why should I stay?
I believe that because of my heartache and loss, that yes I am a better person, but who is to say that I can't feel pain or be upset about it?
Blue kept asking me to hate him and I can't because no matter how much he has done, he had the guts and did the right thing, which is to tell us "honestly" what had happened and the whole story which he clearly did, and for that, yes I could be upset with him and in the way, I think a part of me died when I found out. I still have hope for tomorrow though, no matter how long it takes, I will walk across the hot coals.
My heart is broken but the puzzle is slowly being rebuilt back to the way things were....I hope things get better for me....(sighs softly) I really did love them all, with more then my being...and in an instant.....gone.
To all those people that I made feel bad for not believing in the truth or not believing that the one's I loved were fake and brushed it off, I am sorry. I just hope everything can be patched up to the way things were..... To all those that believed that he was real, I'm sorry that you fell in the same trap as I did..... (tears up) heh, I'm sorry.....for being me...
Heart broken....
Lonely Gabu
"It makes you stronger".... That is Bull shit and the truth in so many more ways.
Bull shit in that each time something happens, it tends to hurt more then the next because when you think things can't get any worse, there is life reminding you that it does. Then here is the truth behind it that when you get that, it seems as if, you know someone else who is going through the same thing, you can help them because you understand through experience. I guess by me going through the fires of Hades that I can help others that need it but its getting to the point where I would like for someone outside this oasis, and someone in the real world to be a superhero to me rather, me to them.
With this stuff, I really kept in to myself, and I wanted to quit, because the reason I was originally here is gone, and I was a total wreck. I was depressed and gained a good 10+ pounds in the process. I couldn't talk to anyone and when my close friend found out, he was his same non-comforting self. I was trying to think why should I be here when the only thing that kept me here was something that was made in a way to mock me? Why should I stay?
I believe that because of my heartache and loss, that yes I am a better person, but who is to say that I can't feel pain or be upset about it?
Blue kept asking me to hate him and I can't because no matter how much he has done, he had the guts and did the right thing, which is to tell us "honestly" what had happened and the whole story which he clearly did, and for that, yes I could be upset with him and in the way, I think a part of me died when I found out. I still have hope for tomorrow though, no matter how long it takes, I will walk across the hot coals.
My heart is broken but the puzzle is slowly being rebuilt back to the way things were....I hope things get better for me....(sighs softly) I really did love them all, with more then my being...and in an instant.....gone.
To all those people that I made feel bad for not believing in the truth or not believing that the one's I loved were fake and brushed it off, I am sorry. I just hope everything can be patched up to the way things were..... To all those that believed that he was real, I'm sorry that you fell in the same trap as I did..... (tears up) heh, I'm sorry.....for being me...
Heart broken....
Lonely Gabu
