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Hazan_Z's May Contest Results
#5
IceFlame, well, if you're gonna be so rude and such a bad sport about it, why did you enter the contest in the first place?

HH, I did gave a rating to your lemon, but I thought not putting it up in the first place, as I thought it might have been disrespectful, since it had to be disqualified. But since you asked, I'll put my judging on it, even thought it isn't exactly pretty:


"Heart of Ember"

By: Hybrid Halogen


Plot: 13 points

Alright, let me get this one straight. Are you trying to tell me that there is this serial killer, that rapes and them kills Digimon females, on the loose in the Digital world and the DDs are trying to catch him, then they suspect that it's BlackWarGreymon (who turns out to be innocent of this crime) and still get killed wrongfully by the original murderer, and in the end, no one's finds out the truth because the rapist sacrifices himself to safe his dream girl who was dying from the injury she got when she fought BlackWarGreymon?!?! What the hell was that?! The idea might be good but the execution was all wrong. I kept saying to myself "Why?" on and on as I was reading through. Sorry buddy, but this mess of a plot just won't cut it in my book.


Characterization: 10 points

Ok, first of all, why the hell is Veemon is the main mon in the story? Secondly, why add all the DDs if you're only going to use some of them in the whole lemon? Lastly, the next time you use a made-up Digimon, try to describe how he actually looks like. How the heck should I picture a Digimon fighting without knowing anything of him at all?


Lemon scene: 15 points

This is the only scene where I actually found one of the allowed male digimon that I wanted in the contest. I guess you took it as I only wanted them just to be in a lemon scene, even though I clearly stated that they should be the main character. I can see that it was well done and explicit, but it came by all of the sudden that I didn't see it coming. It was as if Gomamon and Palmon didn't actually know they were having sex and were just playing a perverted game. Also, one of the rules was not to use rape scenes at all, and I admit you told me so from the start, you claimed that it would be brief and just for the sake of the plot. Well, I didn't find as them as brief as you said and what ticked me the most is when you used Renamon as one victim. If there was someone I don't ever want to see raped, it's her. >_<


Writing Style: 16 points

The writing quality was quite good mostly and was easy to read through. Nothing wrong to say here, and nothing special as well.


Grammar: 17 points

The usual stuff you find in most lemons, but not too much. Okay grammar skills overall.


Overall: 71 points

I'll be honest; I actually didn't like this lemon at all. In addition to breaking some rules, I found the story to be average at best. Yeah, the battle scenes are good, but that's something I don't care much about. It's not that I was biased against Veemon, it's obvious it was just an attempt to pull out a lemon for the sake of doing it. I appreciate that the writer did try to do something good, as I know he could've done way better than this, but he should have paid more attention to what he was exactly doing. *sigh* This one really depressed me.
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Messages In This Thread
Hazan_Z's May Contest Results - by HazanZ - 05-27-2003, 04:24 PM
[No subject] - by HazanZ - 05-27-2003, 07:40 PM
[No subject] - by Hybrid Halogen - 05-27-2003, 09:22 PM
[No subject] - by Iceflame88 - 05-28-2003, 06:02 AM
[No subject] - by HazanZ - 05-28-2003, 08:05 AM
[No subject] - by Tazer - 05-28-2003, 09:16 AM
[No subject] - by Ruhe - 05-28-2003, 11:37 AM
[No subject] - by Hybrid Halogen - 05-30-2003, 10:21 AM
[No subject] - by Tazer - 05-30-2003, 11:17 AM
[No subject] - by Thunder - 05-30-2003, 10:48 PM
[No subject] - by Keeper Chronos - 05-30-2003, 10:49 PM
[No subject] - by HazanZ - 05-31-2003, 08:00 AM
[No subject] - by Tazer - 05-31-2003, 08:40 AM
[No subject] - by Mewtwo - 06-01-2003, 09:11 AM
[No subject] - by Keeper Chronos - 06-04-2003, 05:31 AM
[No subject] - by Tazer - 06-04-2003, 08:39 AM