09-26-2006, 02:48 AM
-First thing's first. Your setting lacks any imagination whatsoever. 'A deserted city' is ambiguous and vague to start with, more over, it's a classical stereotype that leaves me bored. It fells alot like Wisemon's stories, passages with little or no narritive description to give a reader a sense of place within a writer's world, which can put off alot of readers.
Setting influences alot of things inside a story. The core reason is to give a sense of place within your Lead's world. A secondary reason is to set an atmosphere or tone to give your reader a certain mood towards your story. A third, which I consider reasonable, is establishing credibility towards your world, making it believable.
How does the city look. What conclusions can your character generate. When is this happening?
I will not let nother writer fall into the deadly Wisemon Trap (technically called the stagnant screen)!
- Your fight scenes seem kind of boring. Throughout the entire fight I don't think Delta Cody lands a blow on him (I'm not counting the kick the gut, since David recovered anyway), which also waters down the credibility--therealism--of David's techniques. Its hard to believe that he would be left unscathed from sword wounds after an assault from an experienced Kendo and Martial Arts adversary.
When in an action scene, keep the persepctive on one person. Bouncing the camera around in a high-tempo environment confuses the reader and makes them lose interest. I myself had to re-read several lines to make sure I was following the right character.
Setting influences alot of things inside a story. The core reason is to give a sense of place within your Lead's world. A secondary reason is to set an atmosphere or tone to give your reader a certain mood towards your story. A third, which I consider reasonable, is establishing credibility towards your world, making it believable.
How does the city look. What conclusions can your character generate. When is this happening?
I will not let nother writer fall into the deadly Wisemon Trap (technically called the stagnant screen)!
- Your fight scenes seem kind of boring. Throughout the entire fight I don't think Delta Cody lands a blow on him (I'm not counting the kick the gut, since David recovered anyway), which also waters down the credibility--therealism--of David's techniques. Its hard to believe that he would be left unscathed from sword wounds after an assault from an experienced Kendo and Martial Arts adversary.
When in an action scene, keep the persepctive on one person. Bouncing the camera around in a high-tempo environment confuses the reader and makes them lose interest. I myself had to re-read several lines to make sure I was following the right character.