Join our server on Discord

A introduction to a story I am working on.
#1
(Unknown entry V2)
By Ryan Cruey

Entry date: 2/8/14
Collective Data//1.2/segment error file/Alabasta.txt
Engine: gamma Track
Experimental data codenamed “G-Bomb”
Test field data… Corrupted
Bio: corrupted
About_file… 300kb
Open x:/data/about_file.txt.

Technical engineering and creation of the G-bomb

Never once did I think one of my jokes would become a reality. This is the Technical engineering and creation of the G-bomb. Before you read this I have to say this. When I was developing this experiment a lot of lives where taken away. This is no joke either. This was only the beginning of an ultimate destruction that could not have been predicted. Three states where blown off of the face of the earth. With this said. Lets start with the part of HOW it was created.

It started with the idea of being able to help the A.D.I.S.I.A (Additional domestic information satellite incorporation association.) These people worked with the basic units of mass weaponry and infantry. If you would of spoken with these people they would of know who you where and where you lived. This was the mass knowledge center of the U.S.A. When I had the written report done on the G-bomb I also had the blue prints. This weapon of destruction was made for destroy continents. Making it easier to destroy other weapons of mass destruction and every one with in a hundred thousand mile radius. I called it (Forgive and forget) forgive the dead and forget the pain. After destroying the people and weaponry we could scope out the area and get what we needed if it would have survived. I was a fool.

The first testing of the product was launched into Iraq. We pulled every solider out of there before we launched it. When it hit Iraq it did not just clear Iraq. I cleared everything around it too. Iran, Jordan, Syria, Egypt, Malatya, Al-udeid, Incirlik, Djibouti, Diegogarota. It was a mess. Nothing but Ruble was left. The main leaders of the A.D.I.S.I.A where so pleased they even announced it to the M.W.P.P.N.W (Main Product Placement Of Nuclear Warfare) after they announced it they began to mass-produce this weapon of mass destruction. This made life for America a lot harder. Because after we completely destroyed Iraq and its surrounding we triggered a retaliation from other forces. The Russian Federation, China, and North Korea launched some powerful nukes. Starting with Americas first creation the Hydrogen bomb. Then they launched the atom bomb. The Eastern part of America was wiped off the map. This is the starting point of the nuclear warfare that began with a bullet sized nuclear bomb.

How the g-bomb works is very simple. It is made with Gamma radiation with a mixture of the hydrogen bomb and Atom bomb. Making its explosion more powerful than it should have ever anticipated. We made the size of the bomb into a bullet sized so a L96a1 could fire it. A sniper rile used by the S.A.S (Secret Air Service). When shot the tip would hit the ground. As soon as the tip of the bullet would hit the ground it would explode. It would start off very silent. But then get really loud. Making it the first almost invisible nuclear weapon.

After the first continent was destroyed, there where about eight hundred people who survived. They developed a powerful Muscle structure. Making it harder for them to be killed by bullets. Even knifes where out of the question. The only known ammunition known to be able to destroy these beings was a rocket. But running low on ammunition alone because of the first strike of multiple b nuclear warheads we could not fight them for long. The eight hundred became the best solders. But refused to even cooperate with the U,S.A.

After trying to negotiate with them, they decided to start a new civilization where the old one was. The new name for the continent was Alabasta. They planned a attack on America. Same with other nations. Now we had to fight two wars. Like they say (Time is like a river. It repeats itself). We first had to fight two wars in World war two. Germans and Japanese. Now we have to fight another nation and a mass amount of super solders. All because of one test field project. Now let the true battle begin.

End transmission by Ryan Cruey.
Date 1-24-12
--------------------------------------------------------------------

So uh...... What do you guys think?
Reply
#2
Okay, you asked and i deliver Mr Ryan.

On first readthrough, it's a pretty decent story...i like the logging format, almost like an official diary, i expecially like how the initial of the G-bomb can stand for Gamma.

However, there are some issues here that i'm really not satisfied about...First of all, the whole nuke in a sniper rifle idea. This is the same warhead that whiped out the entire middle east and you've not only put it into an impossible sized projectile, but in a completely stupid weapon. A sniper rifle typically has a range less then that of the country's borders, so to fire the weapon you'd have to have AT LEAST one U.S marine there to fire it, in which case a bomb would be a better idea, or even an Inter-Continental Ballistic Missile (ICBM).

Secondly, the technical description of the G-Bomb is confusing; How can fusing together a H-bomb, A-bomb and a bit of gamma radiation cause such a huge payload? I know detail can flounder a reader but to be honest i'm the opposite :P
A third thing i'd mention is punctuation, but i doubt you really care on that front much so i won't go into it.

One final thing, what is the main plot? We've been given the background, the whole post-apocalyptic summary but whats gonna happen now? Is this going to be the diary of a wacky military scientist that has to develop new weapons for the U.S against these mutants? or does he go "screw this shit" and hang around with the Mutant Geiger-crowd?

Sorry for the agression that may appear in my writing, but i really really had some issues with this i wanted sorting out :P
UnknownH Wrote:We do have soap and smarter doctors now
Yay!
Renamon's Army
Veemon's Followers
The Sabre Clan
Creative Minds
Reply
#3
(01-10-2010 10:14 AM)Guilmon and a shotgun Wrote: Okay, you asked and i deliver Mr Ryan.

On first readthrough, it's a pretty decent story...i like the logging format, almost like an official diary, i expecially like how the initial of the G-bomb can stand for Gamma.

However, there are some issues here that i'm really not satisfied about...First of all, the whole nuke in a sniper rifle idea. This is the same warhead that whiped out the entire middle east and you've not only put it into an impossible sized projectile, but in a completely stupid weapon. A sniper rifle typically has a range less then that of the country's borders, so to fire the weapon you'd have to have AT LEAST one U.S marine there to fire it, in which case a bomb would be a better idea, or even an Inter-Continental Ballistic Missile (ICBM).

Secondly, the technical description of the G-Bomb is confusing; How can fusing together a H-bomb, A-bomb and a bit of gamma radiation cause such a huge payload? I know detail can flounder a reader but to be honest i'm the opposite :P
A third thing i'd mention is punctuation, but i doubt you really care on that front much so i won't go into it.

One final thing, what is the main plot? We've been given the background, the whole post-apocalyptic summary but whats gonna happen now? Is this going to be the diary of a wacky military scientist that has to develop new weapons for the U.S against these mutants? or does he go "screw this shit" and hang around with the Mutant Geiger-crowd?

Sorry for the agression that may appear in my writing, but i really really had some issues with this i wanted sorting out :P

The plot is being worked on. I said it was an introduction to give you guys a preview of what the story I am working on is going to be about.

For the Rifle thing. *rofl* I couldn't tell you. It was an inside joke between me and my friend tanner. So I kinda wanted to do it like that.

The mixture of the two bomb and a massive load of gamma radiation also gaining power from the ground on impact which also sends a shock through it destroying every missal plus its own explosion makes a very big explosion. Also here is a fun fact. All of the places I named that where destroyed are actually places that surround Iraq. XD

Punctuation errors I kinda already saw. so yeah don't need to go into big detail there.

But does that answer some of your questions?
Reply