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+--- Thread: Ehh... I have to say it, a sneak to my new lemon! yay! (/showthread.php?tid=4764)
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Ehh... I have to say it, a sneak to my new lemon! yay! - DragonMasterX - 04-22-2006
Okay ppl, I have to say... I got a little impressed out of myself, I kinda didn't expect to have this struck of inspiration, I don't know if it was good or anything... but, guys, seriously, I had to make this lemon, at least once, I had to use this couple, anyways... here it is, enjoy :3
''Fire Dragon + Light Angel = w00t!''
By DMX.
- Herr Mullen - 04-22-2006
Only read a bit of it, I'm afraid time was limited, but my only major grevance was comma usage. "I've got a better question; can I have food now?" would be grammmaticly correct. I also wonder about the begining; why are you starting off as if we don't know who these characters are? It's a style thing, admittedly, but it isn't that good. Demiveemon and Davis are very much in character, well done on that.
- DragonMasterX - 04-22-2006
Yeah, I guess you are right- because most people who read Lemon's nowadays know them perfectly, I should be aware with the commas too... I really get bad with the punctuation it seems, thanks for pointing that out.
- rorancrystalwolf - 04-23-2006
Well besides the comma thing I think it was well done especially with the Veemon and Davis charchter (sp?) portrayal. Then again I thought it was often but that is my opinion. Besides the comma thing I didn't notice to much more but I might have missed something =p
- DragonMasterX - 04-23-2006
Hehe, thanks, I took the beggining from an episode of 02, and then just changed it to fit the story, that's what made Veemon and Davis look quite original I think :P
- Herr Mullen - 04-23-2006
DragonMasterX Wrote:Hehe, thanks, I took the beggining from an episode of 02, and then just changed it to fit the story, that's what made Veemon and Davis look quite original I think :P
The idea is that they're unoriginal.
- DragonMasterX - 04-23-2006
:oops: Kinda posted it in the wrong way oops... -_-
- Yoosei - 04-23-2006
well brother I surely like your lemon story. the begining was surely funny. and like the others said... the problem was just the comma thing. besides that I like it. well done.
- DragonMasterX - 04-23-2006
Hehe... thank you sis, I sure aprecciate that, thanks for the comment as well. I think I'm going to have to try to be careful with this comma thingie <.<
- DrunkenMunkee - 04-25-2006
The characters were all very much themselves-which made it great. ^^ but, as everyone else said, the comma thing, but, other than that, i enjoyed it. Nice job. : D