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+--- Thread: Original poem: Visiting the Rural Society (/showthread.php?tid=4739)
Original poem: Visiting the Rural Society - The Anti Wisemon - 04-11-2006
The success that my other poem had made me work even harder for you!. And please, vote again in my poll. Enjoy!
Visiting the Rural Society
Visiting the Rural Society
I know I'll never see again
Cows on a spree in a Jaguar
Cause you'll take their place
I like to kiss you
Despite the shit scent
In the horses stand
I gave you a lottery ticket
And told you that in the 'Cap' stand
A female would give you a cookie
So I met you again
Trying some pate
Visiting the Rural Society
They gave me a cap
That protected me from heat stroke
And had an insecticide badge
I saw you sitting on a pipe
You tripped on a bull turd
And fell in front of my flip flops
Hot dog, hot dog!
- Wisemon - 04-11-2006
Would you care to explain the meaning, or are you just hoping that somebody invents one for you? It's euphonic; I'll give it that, but it could use some punctuation. I think "Give Me a Lemon" was better in that it had a point.
- Herr Mullen - 04-11-2006
No rhythm, no rhyme. Seemingly romantic; is it supposed to be a parody? Are you trying to take the micky out of traditional romantic poetry? There's no imagry. It was boring, and wasted about a minute of my valuble time.
- The Anti Wisemon - 04-11-2006
Quote:Would you care to explain the meaning, or are you just hoping that somebody invents one for you?It's about a visit I once made to a rural society and met a friend there that stalled me. Is that so unclear?
Quote:It was boring, and wasted about a minute of my valuble time.I am extremely sorry. How can I make it up to you?
- Wisemon - 04-11-2006
Quote:Is that so unclear?No, but can you explain this:
Quote:Cows on a spree in a Jaguar
Cause you'll take their place
How about this:
Quote:I gave you a lottery ticket
And told you that in the 'Cap' stand
A female would give you a cookie
Quote:I saw you sitting on a pipeHow can somebody trip on a bull turd while sitting on a pipe. What's the "pipe" supposed to be?
You tripped on a bull turd
Thank you for verifying that there was no deeper meaning here, no extended metaphors. If, as you say, this is just a story, I believe it is more suited to prose, though it's not a very interesting story.
- UnknownH - 04-11-2006
Like I said, any "idiot" can write something that looks like a poem. It just doesn't make much sense.
- blueeyedgabulvo0o - 04-11-2006
well i am trying and maybe I should post it here too...... I am making a poem booklet soon too....But thats a work in progress....
and Anti-Wisemon your poetry seems to lack
1> rhythm
2> texture
3> word choice.
4> structure
5> orignality
6> metaphor
7> story within a story
8> suspension of disbelief
9> one good line
10 regularity
No offense but your poem is not that well worded and it should be fixed and maybe you'll have something......
Good luck and a poet takes skill.... and a lot more than boostingabout a work that feels unfinished
- Gunter VanCrimson - 04-11-2006
Is a poem... supposed to be "romantric"?
-'Cuz I don't know anything about poems.
- blueeyedgabulvo0o - 04-12-2006
really and you have some really good ones.....
Everyone is a poet inside its there choice either to shine or to fall.....
- Blitz VanCrimson - 04-12-2006
Gunter has poems? Where? Did he tell you?