A-Sides
The Alternative Polka
By Wisemon
It was the fall of
2002, my third of ten semesters as a mechanical engineering student at the
highest rated public university in
Solidly introverted, I based most of my life on fantasy. My favorite fantasy involved boys and girls stranded in dangerous worlds. They had to defeat the evils of these worlds in order to return home, but once these evils were defeated, they realized that they had created a paradise, and they would rather settle in that paradise than return home. Besides, true love amongst comrades had been found. I know; it’s a rather specific fantasy. It’s mostly influenced by Lloyd Alexander’s The High King, but it’s also where the heart of the initial appeal of Digimon came to me. So, in my dorm room, as I looked for a fantasy to escape from my lonely, struggling, seventy pounds overweight existence, I came across certain Digimon message boards. Naturally, the arguments about DigiDestined “couples” appealed to me the most. I was too shy at the time to give my two cents, but I learned a lot about what fanboys called “evidence.” For that matter, I learned what a “fanboy” was.
Eventually, I stumbled across the Digi-artist’s Domain, and the world of lemons was opened up to me. It took a while for me to find an author whose series could hold my attention (read “You Don’t Love Me Anymore” to find out which author). I said to myself, “It’s nothing I can’t do; it’s nothing I can’t lick.” I just wasn’t sure which season of Digimon to write about. I was leaning towards something where Jyou and Mimi got together, but a series about Daisuke and Miyako was also quite tempting. Then I found out that a fourth season of Digimon had been airing on UPN (after Fox Kids was replaced by the Fox Box, I had assumed that the third season of Digimon was the last). Though I accepted the rumors that the fourth season was inferior, I decided to tape the episodes so I could watch them for myself.
Many aspects of the fourth season lived down to their rumors, but certain episodes reached me on a personal level. In “The Odd One Out,” Junpei and Izumi both confessed to finding true friendship difficult to attain, each for their own back-story reasons. While admitting this to each other, they became closer friends. For the adult audience who idealizes relationships based on friendships (namely me), it was dangled in the air that they should be more than friends. In “No Whamon,” the normally laidback (lazy, reluctant to fight) Junpei was fierce and, as Grottomon said in the subbed version, “pissed off,” because he was fighting to get back Izumi’s spirit. Of course, getting back Izumi’s spirit was also a means to an end; he was trying to win her affection. More than anything, what I took from that episode about Junpei’s character was his willingness to fight despite odds and injuries for just a chance at what he believed was his future wife (as depicted in his fantasy in “A Hunka Hunka BurningGreymon”). In “Darkest Before Duskmon,” Junpei told Izumi his philosophy of finding balance in personalities, and it seemed that Izumi was seeing more to Junpei than just a jumpsuit and a weight problem.
The show broke off for a while after “Ice Ice Baby,” and that’s where I decided to start my series. I checked around, and best I could figure, I was (or would be) the only adult fan fiction writer at the time writing a major series with only Digimon Frontier characters. As someone who’s spent his entire life veering from trends, this was the final selling point for me on writing my Alternate Ending Series. I chose Wisemon as a pen name, not knowing that Wisemon was also the name of a carded Digimon. When I found out this information, I worked Wisemon into my story in a semi-postmodernist “authors are gods of their own worlds” kind of way.
The overall plot of my series was simplistically beautiful. A boy (Junpei) and girl (Izumi) with no friends in the real world become best friends in another world. They fall in love. Their love for each other conquers the ultimate evil and renders a paradise in which they settle down as the king and queen of the world. They spend their days in absolute bliss with no cares for society or their former families. They have lots and lots of sexual intercourse.
In the spring of 2003, I began to make my ideal a textual reality (another name for a fantasy). It’s not like I had anything else to do in my free time. My parents forced me to leave the videogames at home to avoid another GPA crash, which would’ve been fatal in my state of academic probation (getting a GPA under 2.0 the previous semester put me there).
I thought my first five chapters came out alright, but after I really got the hang of this writing thing, I realized how much they truly sucked, and I rewrote them as much as I could. The 90’s rock and roll lyrics, though undoubtedly influential (and as some critics rightly argue, detrimental), came in later in the story, as my CD collection expanded exponentially over two years. By the end of 2004, I had about two hundred CD’s. I currently have about three hundred. The fighting moves that I gave to Junpei, for the most part, are not practical in a real fight. I have since learned Brazilian Jiu-jitsu, a little bit of Jukido Jujitsu, I practice high kicks and spin kicks (I enjoy kicking), and most importantly, I have watched UFC fighters in action. One of the few “professional” wrestling moves that can work in real life is the DDT. I’ve taken one of those in Brazilian Jiu-jitsu, and it dimmed my lights for a split-second. In theory, you can stun your opponent and take him right into a guillotine choke, but that probably wouldn’t work against someone who knew some basic defenses.
In order for Junpei to be the “romantic” hero I saw him as, I had to have him kill for Izumi, as much out of fear of losing her to another man as losing her altogether. Killing for Izumi would not be enough, not for a character who was truly willing to do anything in the name of love. That’s when I came up with the defining vow of my series:
“If I’m willing to kill for you, don’t you think that I’d be willing to diet for you?”
A few weeks later, the vow hit me personally. Though I hadn’t found a girl I could deem worth losing weight for (personality-wise), I wanted to be ready if she ever showed up in my college career. Over the summer of 2003, I lost thirty pounds just by cutting back on certain non-necessities, and I looked respectable after that, but not as stunningly handsome as I looked after I got on the strictest form of my diet.
I’ve been on a diet of bran cereals, skim milk, lettuce, carrots, other assorted vegetables, tuna, hardboiled egg whites, fruit, and fat free ice cream (sometimes all in one day) for nearly three years now. My weight still fluctuates a bit, depending mostly on portion size. Right now, I really need to cut down on the fat free ice cream, but my job is just so stressful. Anyway, I started on this form of my diet for a very specific reason. In the fall of 2003, I met a girl whose hatred for the world was just so adorable; she lived in the dorm room next to me. To get the whole story, read my notes in “I Think I’m a Clone Now (Pretty Fly for a Rabbi).” “If my protagonist was willing to give up on the fleeting pleasure of fattening foods to be with the girl he was destined for, then so was I.” As I found out, that sort of “destiny” has to exist in both participants’ heads in order to work properly. This event in my life was one of the main reasons why I felt the need to write a sequel series.
Getting back to “Season 4: Wisemon’s Alternate Ending Series,” I intentionally wrote “Eat It” and “Smells Like Nirvana” as my “poppiest” lemons. For both stories, I made the first half of the chapter an enthralling digimon battle, and I made the second half a nice little lemon scene. Both chapters were made as cookie cutter lemons—singles within the series. “Addicted to Spuds” was my first experimentation with straight parody. It came out alright, but I wish I’d put a bit more thought into it.
“Everything You Know Is Wrong” was the hardest chapter to write. As someone who’s never been to a pot party, or any illicit party for that matter, I was just writing based on some educated guesses. Apparently, I guessed right:
“Well good news, for you, that doesn't ring true. I just finished reading it, and I must say, you're doing a damn good job, buddy. (Pun intended.) Just a couple things I want to say. Your writing is done very well. It's not too long, per chapter, and it's very real. It what WOULD have happened in the Digital world. Second, you said you don't have experience with drugs, but as a weed user, I commend you. You did a good job describing it's effects, more or less, and you did a damn good job with Takuya and Junpei having their man to man talk. Keep up the good writing.”-Joseph Caron
I recall spending most of the summer of 2003 writing “Headline News,” “Generic Blues,” “I’ll Be Mellow When I’m Dead,” and “Dare to Be Stupid.” I would wake up, go down to the basement, type until , eat lunch, go back to typing, eventually eat dinner, and I just kept on typing, proofreading, and retyping as I listened to my accumulating collection of alternative rock. After I wrote the last line of “Generic Blues,” I knew that I had something special, not just the chapter, but I knew that I had something special, something at a level that I still have yet to see in another lemon writer. I knew I was right when I got my first emailed comment:
“hi, i recently started reading your lemons on digiartistsdomain.com, and i just finished Generic Blues, it was amazing work.. i haven't seen stories like these in a while, they seem to combine a lot of different genre, and make a really good story out of season 4. while there are some things in your story that i disagree with, it does seem pretty good so far.. keep up the good work”-Michael Morgan
I had a lot of fun writing “Dare to Be Stupid.” In retrospect, I realize how improbable all of those orgasms were, but that was just part of Takuya’s “blaze of glory” and Izumi’s healthy appetite (see “Bizarre Bazaar”).
I wrote “Livin’ in the Fridge” and some of “I Think I’m a Clone Now (Pretty Fly for a Rabbi)” in the fall of 2003 and spring of 2004. I finished writing “I Think I’m a Clone Now (Pretty Fly for a Rabbi)” in the summer of 2004. Because I wanted to stick in all of those quotes from The Offspring, Nirvana, Stone Temple Pilots, Alice In Chains, Soundgarden, and Rage Against the Machine, not only did the story come out a lot worse than it could have, it took me about three hundred hours to write the damn thing! I also wrote the two best chapters in the series that summer, “Ode to a Superhero” and “Happy Birthday.” “Ode to a Superhero” was a triumph of climactic final battle fan fiction backed by Metallica lyrics, whereas “Happy Birthday” was a triumph of dénouement consummation fan fiction backed by Foo Fighters lyrics. I just think it’s funny how two polar opposites can live adjacent atop the same fan fiction series.
I finished the last chapter in the series, “Amish Paradise,” just as 2004 was winding down. My series was completed, but I still had another three semesters of college to go, and I had the nagging sense that I couldn’t possibly let my story end as happily as I let it end. My “Death of Seasons: Shadow on the Sun” series will prove to be my superior series, but only to those with discerning tastes for literature. There’s still something raw, experimental, sentimental, and unrepeatable about my Alternate Ending Series, and it will always have a special place in my heart.
Stylistic choices:
All of my titles are “Weird Al” Yankovic songs. “Weird Al” Yankovic is a role model in both his professional and personal life. He was his high school’s valedictorian, he doesn’t do drugs, he doesn’t smoke, and he rarely drinks. When both of his parents died of carbon monoxide poisoning, he did not cancel any of his tour dates. Just like his fans, he relied on his music to cheer himself through hard times. Writing humorous lyrics is a lot harder than writing sexual or violent lyrics. Writing perfect parodies is even harder, a lot harder than people realize. “Weird Al” usually stays true to the original song’s meter and rhyme scheme, which is something that the wannabes hardly ever attempt.
A noticeable difference between “Season 4: Wisemon’s Alternate Ending Series” and “Death of Seasons: Shadow on the Sun” is that the latter has spaces between paragraphs (with certain defendable exceptions). Originally, I just figured that tabbing over to start new paragraphs would be enough, but then I posted on Mediaminer.org (a decision that I regret, the company of adult Digimon authors who update regularly is absolutely pathetic), and I noticed that my tabs were disregarded. In other authors’ stories, I find spacing between paragraphs to be more aesthetically appealing, so that’s what I decided to do with my sequel series. Granted, it looks less like a novel, but I’m more of a poet than a novelist anyway. Do note that this paragraph is not indented.
Why don’t I put a space after my ellipses? Now that’s a good question…I wish I could say it’s because I don’t want my pauses to last too long. I wish I could say it’s because I want you to be constantly bombarded by comedy, drama, and moral lessons. I wish I could say it’s because I’m rebelling against Walt Whitman’s whored-out four-dotted ellipses. Honestly, it’s because Stone Temple Pilots’ third album is called “Tiny Music…Songs from the Vatican Gift Shop.” It’s not that great of an album, but it’s one of the first CD’s I bought.
Why did I put song lyrics in brackets? Well, I don’t regret the brackets, but I do regret the whole spirit song bullshit. If I had to do it all over again, that’s something I’d probably do differently, but I’m damn sure not doing it all over again.
Other emailed comments:
“I must say, I have enjoyed the entire series thus far. I cannot wait to see how it ends (though I already have a fairly good idea), and I hope you'll write more once this project is done. I myself am I huge Junpei/Izumi fan, and it's nice to (finally) read a fic where they get together. After so many times of seeing Takuya, Kouji, Kouichi, and even Tomoki get Izumi, it's about time Junpei got his wish. I'd like to say more, but I'm sort of pressed for time. Anyway, thanks for the great series.”-Jarkota
“very nice story indeed, the whole of it flows like a poem or a song. thanks for putting me on the mail list, and i look forward to your 17th chapter”-James Niu
“It was great. The fight scene really did kick ass!”-Julian Joseph
“Hey nice stories you've been writing! […] you're forgetting a lot of good songs like "I don't wanna be", "Breakaway", and "Crazy Train". But still I love the jokes, the romance, the "oops, did I just type that". I like your style and Guns are cheasy. Swords are cool too!”-Chris Ogden
“I am sorry to bother you but, I must state a few things. Firstly, I am sorry that I used your idea. It was an accident for I had not seen your stories until today. Secondly, I really enjoy your stories. They are so realistic and well written. Lastly, do you like Mr. Yankovic songs?”-Epsilon
“hey,i just read your 2004 winning lemon of takeru and hikari, with daisuke as the main character...i know, i read it late,i think you are a genius,which is amazing since you made my fav. character look bad (Kari) but anyways, you put an awful amount of work into it and i'd always wondered how he would feel if he had just looked on the side of the truth,the poetry was amazing at the end”-tails123
I too am a lemon writter, and artist "Zephyrmon" anyways I really enjoy your stories I too love the Frontier series and agree its the best series, I'm 19 so people find me pretty well, and i'm glad there is someone who understands these feelings of the characters, people make the comments that that was/is the worst season I disagree wholeheartedly, anyways I emailed you to let you know I think your a great writter and hope to see more from you :) […] it would be nice if you had msn or mIRC then we could talk more and stuff, and myself as an artist go into the fantasies myself, and thanks alot i'll read them as soon as they are up HUZZAH! now about me irl, i'm married lol believe it or not so yeah and my husband likes my little obession with the digis […] anyways its very nice talking to you”-Zephyrmon
“Umm.... neat.... but I'm not sure what you want me to do with this. If this is a story in a lemon series, you should just stick these pictures in the .doc file of the story and submit them like that. As they currently stand, none of them are hentai and they're all considered "non-digimon" pics. So, basically, their current status is that they're not going up on the site for those two reasons […] and you stink at drawing. OH! SoniBurn XD”-Sonimon
“Hi. I'm Senior Chief James Coleman and I'm the
U.S. Navy's Engineering Programs Officer based in
James A. Coleman
MMCS(SS),
Officer Programs, NRD
Ph: 617-753-4141
Cell: 617-519-1727
Fax: 617-753-3369
As a special bonus to this bonus, I’ll show you the original spirit poem that I wrote for Kenta. As you can tell by this poem, I originally intended to give Kenta a Rage Against the Machine attitude and speaking style along with the spirit of darkness. Halfway through writing the first chapter of my “Death of Seasons: Shadow on the Sun” series, I decided to give Kenta a more subdued personality (as little as his character was defined by the writers of the show, I wanted him in character) along with the spirit of earth. Then I made Daisuke my most rebellious (loveably obnoxious) character. I think I made the right decisions.
Graphite
I’m not so popular, and I’m not really cool.
I’m just fucking hot when I’m resetting the rules.
I’ll shoot off to anyone; am I not ‘sposed ta?
I’m really sorry teach; I know how that throws ya.
But if ya think ya know me, you’d better think twice.
I’m not the diamond-coated blade about to slice.
I can’t cut through life; I only get cut by it.
And they tell me it’s because I won’t stay quiet.
Yaaaahhhh!
Under pressure
With so much potential,
It’s not making a diamond;
It’s making me mental.
All that I give
Drains straight from my heart.
It drags me kicking and screaming
Down into the dark.
I helped the stoner girl, just because it was right.
I let my pal have the gal; she wasn’t my type.
Say I took too much time from their hanky panky.
He’s saying we ain’t friends; what a way to thank me.
If ya think I’ll make new ones, you’d better think twice.
I’m just sketching ideas with the kid who fries rice.
We ain’t really friends, don’t understand his problem.
If Ryo has Ruki, why don’t ya just rob him?
Yaaaahhhh!
Under pressure
With so much potential,
It’s not making a diamond;
It’s making me mental.
Because I give,
I’ll be forced to depart.
It drags me kicking and screaming
Down into the dark.
Life is beating me down,
But they won’t see me limp.
Gotta be the angry clown,
Not some pathetic wimp.
I try to do what’s right,
More than the heroes with the praise.
For what I believe I have to fight,
But I’m running out of fighting days,
And I’m running out of things to believe.
“Seize the day” is what they say,
But what I want I’ll never seize.
If ya think I’ll be alright, you’d better think twice.
I’m not the diamond initials rappers call “ice.”
But there’s life after death for this forgotten son.
The loser will come back to help battles get won.
Yaaaahhhh!
Under pressure
With so much potential,
It’s not making a diamond;
It’s making me mental.
A chance to live,
It’s a chance to restart.
I plan on kicking and screaming,
Drawn out to the dark.