Season 4: Wisemon’s Alternate Ending Series
Part 6: Polkamon
By Wisemon
Digimon is the property of Toei Animation. The songs that are named in this story, the legendary warrior themes, are: “Battery” by Metallica, “Gotta Get Away” by The Offspring, “Learn To Fly” by Foo Fighters, “Eye Of The Tiger” by Survivor, “Heaven Beside You” by Alice In Chains, “Whatever” by Godsmack, “Sleep Now In The Fire” by Rage Against The Machine, and “Hungry Like The Wolf” by Duran Duran. These songs are their respective record companies’ properties, with the possible exception of Metallica; they claim to own their own music (they own the rights, and they get a relatively large cut of the sales, but Time Warner is still the de facto owner). Not that it makes a real difference, but I’d like to mention that I personally own all of the albums that contain these songs, except for the Duran Duran, which officially belongs to my dad. In the last story, I revealed that all of the titles of the stories in this series are names of “Weird Al” Yankovic songs. “Polkamon” is actually a polka that he made for the Pokémon The Movie 2000 soundtrack. I couldn’t resist this opportunity; in my story, Polkamon is the name of a digimon. I think it’s rather ironic, using a song title from a Pokémon movie soundtrack as the name of a digimon. I don’t want to give too much away, but as you might’ve guessed from the legal part at the beginning, the legendary warriors will gain the ability to play music while they battle. Lyrics from the legendary warriors’ themes being played will be indicated with brackets. Unfortunately, this story doesn’t have any sex; it doesn’t even have any nudity. On the plus side, this is probably the funniest story in this series so far. Also, the music chosen in this story will continue to play a role throughout the series, so it’s somewhat important. Although there’s no sex, there’s some bad language, some innuendo, and some violence. If you’re under 18, you should stop reading now.
“Shouldn’t we wake him up by now?” Tomoki asked Izumi. “It’s already lunchtime.”
“He can afford to miss a few meals,” Izumi responded, reminding herself of her plan to get Junpei on a diet. “Besides, he did a lot of tiring stuff last night, the type of stuff that makes you really dehydrated.” Izumi couldn’t stop herself from smirking as she said that.
“I know, remember, I saw the whole thing. I lost count of exactly how many knee drops he hit Kouichi with, but I think it was over a hundred,” Tomoki said with a little too much enthusiasm in his voice. “Jumping up and sticking the landing that many times would make anyone exhausted.”
For a second, Izumi panicked a little and wondered how she would explain the latest thing that Tomoki shouldn’t have seen, before realizing that he was only talking about the fight. “If there’s one thing that I’ve learned about parenting so far,” Izumi thought to herself, “it’s that death is a lot easier to explain than sex.”
“Izumi, we still have a problem with lunch. We don’t have anything to eat. Junpei has all of the chocolate bars.” Tomoki could come to only one conclusion, “We’re going to have to wake him up.”
Junpei couldn’t remember the last time he’d had such a sharp and vivid dream. “The blowjob must’ve cleared my head,” his subconscious mind said to himself. He knew that he must be dreaming, because he saw two more versions of himself, clones. One was dressed in a solid yellow jumpsuit; the other was wearing a solid blue jumpsuit. The one in the yellow jumpsuit was snuggling with Izumi. He had a contented smile on his face; he seemed to be at peace. The one in the blue jumpsuit was fighting with Kouji, and Kouji was getting his ass kicked. The blue Junpei was also smiling, but his smile was a smile of superiority; he was definitely not peaceful.
“Wake up, Junpei!” Tomoki shouted as he smacked Junpei on the cheek lightly a few times until he opened his eyes.
“Did you have any good dreams?” Izumi asked him, thinking that she already knew the answer to that question.
“Yeah, when you woke me just now, I was starting to have this dream where there was two of me. They were doing my two favorite activities that don’t involve food.” Junpei had just woken up, so his reasoning abilities weren’t at their peak, and he answered Izumi’s question without thinking about the reason why she was asking it.
“I guess that is a good dream,” Izumi rephrased her question, “but did you have any good dreams earlier in the night?”
“Oh…yeah…I did,” Junpei was considering whether or not to tell Izumi the truth. He decided that he should at least give her a clue. “Maybe tomorrow night you can have a good dream like the one that I had.” Junpei nodded at Izumi (he preferred nodding to winking, because he looked spastic when he winked) and cracked a sly grin.
Izumi took a few seconds to translate what Junpei said into what he was implying; his nod and grin helped. “You were awake, weren’t you? Why didn’t you make any noise?”
“You have a lot to learn about the power of what you did last night. I could’ve taken a hundred valiums and there still would’ve been no chance in hell of me sleeping through that. However, if your plan was to make me think that it was a dream, that would’ve worked, except the draft woke me up first. No matter if I’d been sleeping, thought I’d been sleeping, or been awake, I still would’ve moaned and screamed.” Junpei pointed to the cuts on his lip and above his chin. “I didn’t want to startle you or wake up Tomoki, so I had to bite myself to keep quiet.”
“Speaking of bites,” Tomoki said, unsure of exactly what Junpei and Izumi were talking about, “I’m ready for lunch. Can Izumi and I have some chocolate bars?”
“Tomoki, your parents didn’t let you have chocolate bars for lunch, did they?” Junpei was once again forced to stop himself because he didn’t want to sound hypocritical. “I guess I don’t have a right to tell you what to eat. Here’s a chocolate bar for you, and one for Izumi, and I’ll…hold off until dinner.” Junpei knew that this was a small sacrifice to make in order to get what he wanted more than anything, but he also knew that he’d be making many more similar sacrifices.
Izumi paused from eating her chocolate bar to pat Junpei on the shoulder. She was trying to give him encouragement; she ended up getting chocolate on his jumpsuit, and he had just cleaned it the night before.
When they were finished with lunch, Izumi and Tomoki started to walk back to where they hoped Takuya, Kouji, and the digimon would still be. “Not so fast, guys,” Junpei addressed Izumi and Tomoki, “aren’t we forgetting something?”
“Oh, you’re right; we should give Kouichi a proper burial.” Izumi was surprised that Junpei would care enough to bury Kouichi after everything that he did to Kouichi the night before. “Maybe he does feel a little guilty about it,” she thought.
“You’re on the right track, but I meant that I think that we should take Kouichi’s D-Tector with us. If we leave it here, Kerpymon or one of his minions could take it. Besides, we need the spirits of darkness in order to do our unified evolutions.” Junpei realized how heartless that sounded compared to Izumi’s suggestion. “Izumi, I’m the one that killed him, so if it’s important to you, I’ll bury him.”
Izumi contemplated the importance of burying Kouichi. She remembered how Kouichi had tried to kill her. She remembered how Junpei had saved her. She remembered how hurt Junpei was because she’d temporarily chosen Kouichi. She remembered when she realized that she’d made a mistake. She remembered everything that Junpei had done and said thus far in the day to try to make their relationship work. “I’ll bury Kouichi myself.” She walked up to Kouichi’s battered body. She felt it up several times, but she couldn’t find his D-Tector.
“I knocked his D-Tector away during the fight, remember,” Junpei reminded Izumi with quite a bit of annoyance in his voice. “His D-Tector is somewhere on the ground; you groped him for nothing.”
“Actually, I’ve got Kouichi’s D-Tector,” Tomoki spoke up. “When you knocked it away, it landed on the ground right by where I was hiding. I wouldn’t have started to walk back to the others if we didn’t have it. I guess I should’ve told you sooner.”
While Tomoki was telling Junpei why he’d essentially wasted everybody’s time by halting the walk, Izumi was dragging Kouichi’s body next to a tree. “This branch should be able to support me,” Izumi thought as she climbed the tree and got on the branch. She carefully stood up on the branch, using the trunk for balance.
“Izumi, get down from there!” Junpei shouted to her. “We’ve got to get going!”
“Trust me, you’re going to want to see this, and you’re going to like it,” Izumi told Junpei with conviction. “I said I was going to bury Kouichi, and that’s what I’m going to do. I gave you two elbows that you didn’t deserve, so to make it up to you, I’m going to give Kouichi a ‘Flying Double Elbow Drop’ that he seriously deserves.” Izumi leaped off of the branch, crossed her arms 6 inches in front of her chest with her elbows pointed outward, and landed on Kouichi’s torso. She rested on top of him for several seconds, savoring the impact. Satisfied, she pulled her right and left elbows out of Kouichi’s chest and abdomen, respectively, and stood up. “Well, did you like that?” she asked Junpei.
“That was the third most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen, and number one and number two were really the same thing.” Junpei wondered how long it would take Izumi to figure out that riddle, and if she would elbow him or take it as a compliment.
“So the most beautiful things you’ve ever seen were firsts and seconds in the buffet line?” Izumi shot back after figuring out what Junpei really meant.
“Can we go now?” Tomoki pleaded.
When Junpei, Izumi, and Tomoki finally got back to where they should’ve slept for the night, they weren’t too surprised to find that Takuya, Kouji, Bokomon, and Patamon weren’t there. They were surprised to see Neemon. “Where’s everybody else?” Tomoki asked him.
“I don’t remember,” Neemon responded.
“Didn’t they leave you behind so that you could tell us where they went?” Junpei assumed that he’d figured out the plan, and that Neemon just blew it.
“No, they left me behind because they thought that you should take care of me. They left a map to tell you how to get to them.” Neemon explained it to Junpei as if Junpei were the stupid one.
“Let me have that map.” Izumi took the crudely drawn map from Neemon. “This map says that we should head in the northeast direction. The “X” is on a place called the Cloud Terminal. Which way is northeast? Oh wait, there’s a landmark. We want to head over those hills, and we want to keep going in that direction.” Izumi pointed to some moderately high grassy hills in the distance.
“The only thing worse than walking is walking uphill,” Junpei complained.
“It’s good cardiovascular exercise,” Izumi reminded him.
“Can we go now?” Tomoki felt obligated to ask for the second time that day.
Junpei, Izumi, Tomoki, and Neemon walked to the hills, up the hills, and down the hills. When they got to the other side of the hills, they saw a large shack. “Do you think that anyone lives there?” Tomoki asked.
“There’s only one way to find out.” Junpei was looking for an excuse to take a break from walking, and this seemed like a good one. “Maybe someone in there knows something about the Cloud Terminal.”
“This sounds an awful lot like when you suggested that we get information about the Rose Morning Star, and what little we got wasn’t worth what we had to do to get it.” Izumi recalled Junpei’s “scouting mission”.
“We didn’t just get information; we also got some free rides, and a new friend.” Junpei decided to change the subject before Izumi and Tomoki remembered what happened to their friend when he crashed into Kerpymon’s projection. “Tomoki and I both want to see if anybody’s in there, so we’re going. I think that you should come with us.”
“Well, I am a little curious,” Izumi admitted.
As they walked up to the shack, they noticed a sign on it that said “Polkamon’s Music Shop”. “If it’s a shop, we don’t have to knock,” Junpei reasoned as he pushed the door open and made his way inside. Tomoki, Izumi, and Neemon followed. Standing in front of them was a digimon that looked a lot like ShogunGekomon, except his skin was purple instead of red, and instead of tubas on his shoulders, he had accordion halves. “You must be Polkamon,” Junpei guessed.
“Humans…you must be the legendary warriors.” Polkamon made an even better guess. “I knew it was only a matter of time until you came into my shop. I’ve heard many stories about how you kids have helped countless digimon by evolving yourselves into the fiercest, most powerful creatures that this world has ever seen. I’ve also heard that you’ve defeated all five of Kerpymon’s evil legendary warriors. Your heroics should be rewarded, but there isn’t much that we digimon can give you. I’m an exception; I can give you something that you will enjoy. Not only will you enjoy it, you’ll also find that it helps you. You might have noticed that there aren’t any records, cassettes, or compact discs in this music store. The only thing in here is this computer.” Polkamon placed his webbed hand on a gigantic machine that took up more than half of the store. “All of the music files on the Earth’s internet are stored in the digital world, specifically in this computer. Basically, I have every song that’s ever been made. Datamon gave me his analysis of your D-Tectors, and I believe that there’s a way to get them to play music. Each D-Tector will only be able to hold two songs, but you can choose any two songs that you want. I’d advise you to choose songs that inspire you to fight. I suggest picking one song for your spirit and another for yourself. This is how music can be useful to you.”
“Can you repeat everything that you just said?” Neemon asked.
Polkamon ignored the annoying digimon. “Who has the first requests?”
“I do,” Junpei said. “Back when I was teaching myself how to fight, the song that I listened to the most while I was training was ‘Gotta Get Away’ by The Offspring.” Junpei didn’t tell the others the reason why he listened to the song. It was because the lyrics described exactly how he felt, and the personality change that he was driven to make, by the peers that were picking on him. “That’s the song I want for my personal fight song.”
“Hand me your D-Tector and I’ll download it for you.” Polkamon accepted Junpei’s D-Tector, plugged a wire from the computer into it, pressed a few buttons on the computer, and pressed a button on the D-Tector. “Now, what do you want for your spirit song?”
“I
have the spirit of thunder. Where
there’s thunder, there’s lightning. I
could choose ‘Ride The Lightning’, but that song,
actually that whole album, is for the dominated. ‘Master Of Puppets’
is the album for the dominating. Where
there’s lightning, there’s electricity.
Electricity comes from a battery.
I want my spirit song to be ‘
“When I said that you could choose any songs that you wanted, I meant that you could choose any songs that aren’t Metallica songs. I’m doing you a favor,” Polkamon spoke in a decreasingly friendly tone, “and I don’t need any legal trouble.”
“Stop being a pussy,” Junpei told him. “You’re a digimon in the digital world; they can’t get to you.”
“I guess you’re right.” Polkamon gave Junpei the spirit song that he requested.
“Now do me.” Izumi had to name her songs quickly, before Junpei made a remark about the way she phrased her demand for a turn. “I have the spirit of wind, and I do a lot of flying with both my human and beast spirits. I want ‘Learn To Fly’ by Foo Fighters for my spirit song. As far as fighting goes, I’m the ‘Italian Stallion’. I want ‘Eye Of The Tiger’ by Survivor for my fight song.” Izumi handed Polkamon her D-Tector and Polkamon gave her the tracks.
“It’s my turn,” Tomoki announced impatiently. “For my spirit song, I want ‘Heaven Beside You’ by Alice In Chains.”
“Hold on,” Junpei said, “what does ‘Heaven Beside You’ have to do with the spirit of ice?”
“You know that part in the chorus, ‘Like the coldest winter chill’,” Tomoki explained.
“Oh that’s right, I haven’t heard that song in a while, good choice,” Junpei corrected himself.
“For my fight song,” Tomoki continued, “I want the band that got their name from an Alice In Chains song, and a comment about a pimple; I want ‘Whatever’ by Godsmack.”
Polkamon took Tomoki’s D-Tector and gave him the songs that he wanted. “What about the other two legendary warriors? When do you think they’ll come by to get their songs?”
“According to the map that they gave us,” Izumi told Polkamon, “I’m afraid that they already passed your store. Takuya and Kouji are the only ones who can beat Kerpymon, so they really don’t have time to backtrack. I guess they won’t be getting any music.”
Junpei disagreed with almost everything that Izumi just said, but he didn’t want to get into an argument with her. He decided to simply state his opinions without looking in her direction. “We don’t know why Takuya and Kouji went to the Cloud Terminal. I doubt that they went there to fight Kerpymon, because they can’t do a unified evolution without us. Therefore, there’s probably no harm in having them backtrack. Anyway, they don’t need to come here to get their music. We can bring it to them; we have a spare D-Tector.”
“That’s brilliant!” Tomoki exclaimed. He took out Kouichi’s dark D-Tector. “I know the perfect song for Takuya. He’s the warrior of flame, and he dresses like a protester. His song should be ‘Sleep Now In The Fire’ by Rage Against The Machine.”
“I think that song suits him.” Junpei considered the issue of how Takuya dressed. “I wonder what he keeps in the pockets of his cargo pants,” Junpei thought to himself. “It can’t be any worse than keeping chocolate bars in a jumpsuit, unless Takuya really is a ‘protester’.” Junpei decided to settle for getting some information that he wanted from Tomoki. “How does a kid like you know about and listen to alternative rock music?”
“My brother, Yutaka, listened to it all the time when he was in high school. Since we shared a room, I listened to it too.” Tomoki told Junpei about Yutaka’s favorite bands. Yutaka’s tastes didn’t stay the same; there was a pattern. Tomoki’s tone became a little sadder. “He’s in college now; I don’t see him very much. Whenever he comes home, he doesn’t play the music that I liked, that we liked. He plays something called Phish, and he only does that when he’s not hanging out with older kids. Some of the kids he does stuff with are as young as you guys. He doesn’t do stuff with me, his own brother…” Tomoki began to cry softly.
“I seem to have that effect on people,” Junpei said to himself. “I also made Izumi cry, and I damn sure made Kouichi cry, or scream, like a little girl.” That reminded Junpei; he had to come up with a spirit song for Kouji. “Let’s give Kouji ‘Hungry Like The Wolf’ by Duran Duran.”
Tomoki wiped his eyes on his arm and handed Kouichi’s D-Tector to Polkamon. Polkamon put the songs into the D-Tector. He was about to say goodbye to them, until he remembered that he didn’t tell them how to play their songs. “The ‘Music’ option is now available in the main menu when you hit the ‘A’ button. Hit the ‘B’ button to select it. Hit the ‘A’ button to toggle between songs, and hit the ‘B’ button to play the song. Transferring songs from one D-Tector to another is a little trickier, so if you want your friends to have their music, pay attention to this…”
“Slow down!” Izumi told him. “We don’t even know which button is ‘A’ and which one is ‘B’. We’ve pretty much been pressing random buttons for as long as we’ve been here. I managed to figure out a combination that turns our D-Tectors into communicators.”
“There’s no point in pressing random buttons if we can find out how we should be pressing them.” Junpei hadn’t been to school in months, but he was about to put himself into a classroom-like situation. “You’ve done a lot for us already, Polkamon. We are very grateful, but we would be even more grateful, the entire digital world would be grateful, if you would give us a training course in how to use our D-Tectors.”
Polkamon contemplated the legendary warriors’ desires to learn how to use the buttons on their D-Tectors. “I know evolving doesn’t require any buttons, and fractal code gathering only requires the ‘D’ button on the side, but I’m still surprised that you made it this far without knowing how to use the special features on your D-Tectors. I will teach you.”
I’m sorry that this story didn’t have any good stuff in it, but this one was written as a plot mover. I had to get them out of that clearing and on their way. I promise that the next story will have some nice scenes. In fact, the next story will have pretty much everything. Here’s some stuff from this story to remember for it:
Junpei has a strange dream after having the “good dream”. What does the strange dream mean?
Junpei tells Izumi that she might have a “good dream” like the one that she gave him.
Junpei starts his diet by skipping lunch.
Izumi premieres her “Flying Double Elbow Drop”. It goes perfectly with Junpei’s double knee drop, or a series of double knee drops that he calls the “Defibrillator Charge”.
Junpei wonders what Takuya keeps in his cargo pants. He has a hunch, or perhaps, he has the hunchies. Yutaka seems to be involved in similar suspicious behavior. Do Takuya and Yutaka know each other? Do you realize that their names are anagrams of each other? Do you realize that Yutaka and Takuya have the same English voiceovers as Taichi and Yamato, respectively?
What are the “special features” that the D-Tectors can perform?
Why did Takuya, Kouji, Patamon, and Bokomon go to the Cloud Terminal? I’ll give you a clue; it has nothing to do with Kerpymon.
Will Takuya and Kouji like their songs?
Junpei disagrees with everything that Izumi says in her reasons why Takuya and Kouji won’t get music. Part of that statement includes, “Takuya and Kouji are the only ones who can beat Kerpymon.”
©2003 By Benjamin Wiseman