Season 4: Wisemon’s Alternate Ending Series
Part 15: Dare To Be Stupid
By Wisemon
Digimon is the property of Toei Animation. This story contains lyrics by Rage Against The Machine and modified quoted lyrics by Disturbed, Stone Temple Pilots, and 311. Also, there’s a partial parody of “Interstate Love Song”. Along the lines of the title, this story has references to Dumb and Dumber and other Jim Carrey movies. Last time, Kerpymon lured the legendary warriors into the digital hell with a challenge for a final battle. Then he DNA digivolved with Lucemon to form HellDiaboromon. The fused digimon was too much for MagnaGarurumon, and Kouji lost his fractal code. Kouji realized that his only real purpose in life was fighting, and since he couldn’t even fight properly without another purpose, he killed himself. HellDiaboromon picked Takuya as his next victim. Kouji chose to go out fighting; now it’s Takuya’s turn to choose. There’s a whole lot of symbolism and allusions in this one; get ready to look for them. This story contains sex, mortal violence, drug references, some possibly controversial religious references (they attack the majority), and bad language. If you’re under 18, stop reading now.
“What’s it going to be, the easy way, or the hard way?” HellDiaboromon asked Takuya. “I’m probing your mind…your greatest fear is…Junpei? You’re more afraid of him than you are of me?”
“You haven’t seen Junpei’s sick side,” Takuya explained. “Madness is the gift that has been given to him.”
HellDiaboromon ignored Takuya’s warning. “Your deepest desire is…”
“I’ll bet it’s a big fat joint,” Junpei hypothesized to himself.
“…a girl called Hazy. The form of your fear is already visible; he’s your friend. To help you decide, I’ll become your desire, at least for now.” HellDiaboromon morphed into an orange haired girl. Instead of her usual blue jean shorts, yellow shirt, and red suspenders, Hazy was wearing her birthday suit.
Junpei immediately closed his eyes. As always, he refused to look at any girl but Izumi; it was a vow that he made to himself.
Oddly enough, Izumi didn’t close her eyes or look away. She was comfortable enough in her sexuality, and she wanted to see what Takuya’s girlfriend had that she didn’t. Two things were immediately noticeable (two of the same thing, like in Junpei’s riddle), but they were counteracted by a bizarre hairstyle. “Takuya, don’t take this the wrong way, but your girlfriend kind of looks like Conan O’Brien.”
Takuya had the perfect comeback. “Well, your boyfriend looks exactly like Andy Richter.”
Izumi turned towards Junpei. “Junpei does not look like…huh, you’re right. He’s a dead ringer for Andy Richter.”
“Thanks a lot, Takuya,” Junpei said sarcastically. “Man, she never would’ve noticed if you hadn’t said something.”
“So, have you decided?” Hazy asked Takuya.
“Not so fast, Takuya won’t be making any decisions without consulting us,” Junpei told the fake Hazy.
“Fine, I’ll give you some time to discuss this. While you’re at it, you might want to say your goodbyes. Another nightmare about to come true will manifest pretty soon. Another love will be taken from you, lost in flame, on the edge of smoldering. Another taste of the evil I scheme will level you completely. I bring to life everything that you fear, or if you’re smart, I’m the girl and sex type thing.” Hazy watched as the four remaining legendary warriors got into a huddle.
Since he was no longer facing Hazy, Junpei opened his eyes. “Takuya, you’ve got to fight him. Step up, because you’re the next one in line for the kill. You don’t believe me? Let’s ask Kouji.” Junpei broke out of the huddle, picked up Kouji’s severed head, and held it like Hamlet holding the skull. “So, are you breathing? No, you’re separated from your respiratory system. Anyway, I’m going to talk about some freaky shit now. Someone else is going to die, namely Takuya. He’s guaranteed to die…if he chooses not to fight. I know that’s what he’s leaning towards, because like you said when you were alive, he’s a pussy. He should reconsider; after all, you knocked my body out. How hard can it be? Granted, he wouldn’t stand a chance as a human, but EmperorGreymon should be able to clobber a clone of me. Of course, HellDiaboromon will probably morph back into his regular form if the battle starts to go in Takuya’s favor. Still, even if we have to play another game, maybe we can win this time.”
“Um, would you mind dropping Kouji’s head? I can’t watch that; it’s too disturbing,” Takuya commented. Junpei relinquished the unresponsive other end of his recent conversation. “Buddy, you know me pretty well. You know that I plan on taking the easy way out, but I want you to know why. What you call ‘ignoring fear’, I call ‘optimism’. If it wasn’t for my positive attitude rubbing off on everyone, you all would’ve given up a long time ago. You would’ve given up the fight, but what are we fighting for? We’re fighting for the peace of this world. Fighting for peace, it’s a contradiction. We’ve had four casualties, and none of them were directly caused by Kerpymon, Lucemon, or HellDiaboromon. When Kouji shot himself…when the Silver Gun Superman lost his head…I lost my optimism. Whether I’m fighting HellDiaboromon, or HellDiaboromon disguised as you, my chances of winning are pretty much nonexistent. I feel I’ve come of age; I never would’ve admitted the actual odds to myself before.”
“Just because the odds are next to impossible, that doesn’t give you the right to take the easy way out,” Junpei responded. “I was ready to die because of your plan in the castle, and I was going to kill myself. Fortunately, Tomoki knew how to use music as a weapon. I heard ‘Gotta Get Away’, and I think I thought too much. I decided that I wanted to go out with a bang. If you recall, this Big Bang Baby almost broke you in half. Do you remember our debate last night? There was an argument that I didn’t use. Those lead singers didn’t die from marijuana overdoses, although that is medically possible. They died from overdosing on the hard drugs, because marijuana leads to harder drugs. You might be wondering why I didn’t use that argument. In my opinion, the gateway factor isn’t necessarily a bad thing. If you’re going to use illegal drugs, you might as well go all the way. Who needs lava lamps when you can be train spotting? You can take an obscene amount of everything illegal and use it to go out in a blaze of glory, like Kurt Cobain, or you can stick with the same drug and waste away as a living joke, like Scott Weiland. Even if you’re sure that you’re going to die, use your spirit of flame, and go out with a blaze of glory.”
“What’s so glorious about getting killed by a devil disguised as my friend?” Takuya asked. “Buddy, I think you have a violence fetish. I, on the other hand, just want peace. That’s all I’ve ever wanted for this world, but you and Kouji corrupted the dreams of peace with your own agendas. Still, this world cannot be forsaken, because I’m not the only one. Are you ever going to surrender? Do you even care that it’s pointless? No, you’ll continue the contradictory fight for peace. I’ll take my peace in my method of death.”
“Aren’t you forgetting someone? There’s definitely a very slim chance you’ll survive. For Hazy’s sake, the real Hazy, you need to fight.” Junpei decided to use his relationship with Izumi as an example. “If and when I have to make your choice, I’m choosing to fight. My future with Izumi will give me the charge I need to fight to the end.”
“We’re waiting for our modern messiah, and you could be him, but it won’t be me,” Takuya told Junpei. “I love Hazy more than you realize. That’s why this decision was surprisingly difficult. Still, I don’t love her as much as you love Izumi; that would be impossible. I don’t think anyone can love somebody as much as you love Izumi, so it’s not fair for you to make that comparison. I love Hazy as much as I possibly can.” Takuya glanced at the counterfeit Hazy. “I know this will conquer me. If I can just try to escape into her…that’d be my version of ‘going out with a bang’. Since I’ve been here, I’ve been waiting this whole time for just one fuck, and all I need now is just one fuck.”
“Let me say that I don’t give a fuck,” Junpei responded. “I find you’re a stupid guy who won’t be coming back again.”
“Don’t deny me,” Takuya pleaded. “Look in my face, and you’ll figure out what I want. Kouji pulled the trigger with his popgun; I’ll have a love pop suicide.”
Another one of Izumi’s old fantasies was shattered. It was just like when she figured out that Kouji was an asshole. Takuya’s refusal to fight for his love, his cowardice, suddenly made him ugly. “I used to think you were kind of neat,” Izumi told Takuya. “Now I think you’re a creep. In my eyes, you’re half the man you used to be.”
Takuya’s decision was final. He didn’t need his executioner’s advice; he knew that the goodbyes were all that were left. “Alright guys, I have a special message for each of you, so I want to do this individually. In other words, keep your distance, wait your turn, and give your peers some privacy. I have nothing to say to Angewomon, other than I hope you rot in here. I guess I’ll start with Bokomon.” Bokomon approached Takuya, and everybody else backed away.
“First, I want to apologize,” Takuya told Bokomon. “You needed the pot more than me last night; I’m sorry for bogarting.”
“I’m glad that you didn’t let me smoke too much,” Bokomon said. “I realized afterward that as much as I wanted to escape from my pain, it wasn’t worth the brain damage.”
“I know what you mean; after a few hits, I’m all mixed up, and I don’t know what to do,” Takuya admitted. “Bokomon, I know you’re still angry at Angewomon, but with Kouji gone, you have a golden opportunity to get laid. If anyone needs to get laid, it’s you. Actually, Junpei and Izumi do too, but for some reason, they’re waiting. Buddy, you’ve got to trust your instinct, and let go of revenge.” Takuya looked at “the family”, and he chose a member. “Izumi, you’re next.”
Izumi removed Takuya’s left glove as she approached him. “Here, you wanted this back,” Izumi reminded Takuya.
“You can keep it; I won’t need it where I’m going,” Takuya replied. “Speaking of clothes, I left your vest in the castle. I was only wearing it to carry it. I don’t know how I went that whole time without Kouji calling me a fag. I know you’re worried about the smell, but trust me; it only takes one wash at a Laundromat. After that, your parents won’t be able to tell.”
“Okay, but I have a hunch that I’m not going to see a Laundromat or my parents ever again…even if we win.” Junpei had left the clues, and Izumi had solved the puzzle. They were freakishly good at the Riddler and Batman game, a potentially unbeatable couple in Charades.
“Junpei wants to stay here?” Takuya questioned. “When we started, he was the one who couldn’t
wait to leave. You’re the only reason he
stayed. If you want to go home, you know
he’ll follow you. If you want to go to
“I
thought I wanted to go home, but I’m not so sure anymore. When I was in the
“Okay, don’t go home; if you don’t have to and you don’t want to, don’t go home when it’s time.” Takuya knew it would be an awkward topic, but he decided to give Izumi the idea that he’d gotten from Bokomon. “Junpei told me to make sure that my cable guy was coated, and unless you want a ton of kids, you’re going to need some protection too. Obviously, you won’t have access to condoms in this world. Fortunately, you have an alternate method of birth control available to you. According to Bokomon, although a human and a digimon can fuck each other, as Kouji and Angewomon thoroughly proved, they can’t reproduce together. If you evolve into Kazemon before Junpei blows his load, there’s a pretty good chance that you won’t have any accidents. Actually, because of the pre-ejaculate, it’s probably safer to just go the whole way as Kazemon. Personally, I find Kazemon a lot more attractive than you, but Junpei probably doesn’t, and he’s probably going to be disappointed when he has to accept this method. Junpei told me; he wants to be the father of your children, and he’s ready. So, there’s no real harm in making the first time special.”
Izumi was stunned by the generosity and maturity of Takuya’s advice. Then she remembered that she’d gotten the last laugh in the castle, and she thought that Takuya might be telling one last majestic lie. “Tell the truth, are you bullshitting me? If you aren’t, why are you helping me?”
Takuya was somewhat offended. “I have all these things I’m thinking about in my last minutes, and I’m letting them come unglued. I got this feeling coming over me, and I couldn’t lie if I wanted to. That’s going to make my conversation with Tomoki really difficult. I’m helping you because we’re friends. We didn’t always get along, but Junpei held us together. Also, I’ve always believed that we’re in The Iliad scenario. As the leader in this war against the Trojans, I know that the only way to beat them is to not use them. Okay, it’s a bad joke, but subconsciously, I think that’s why I never used one with Hazy. Anyway, I realize now that my plan in the castle almost destroyed something perfect, and I don’t mean my spine. I’m trying to make amends by helping you guys live as happily as possible.”
“I appreciate your hypocritical birth control tip, but if you really wanted to help us, you’d evolve into EmperorGreymon,” Izumi reminded Takuya in a frustrated tone.
Takuya ignored Izumi’s nag; he had already justified his decision. “Well, this seems like a good time to burn a bridge or two. I could’ve been vengeance seeking, for when my hair was doused with goo. I try to be not like that; some people really suck.” As usual, Takuya would be the bigger man, because Izumi never figured out that she was the immature one in their arguments. “I wish you all the luck, butterfly in the wind.”
Junpei didn’t give Takuya a choice; Tomoki was going last. As Junpei made his approach, Izumi put Takuya’s glove into her skirt pocket and walked away.
“Hey man, before you say your shit to me, I’m going to give you a few more orders,” Junpei told Takuya. “First of all, hand over your D-Tector.”
“I guess you’ve accepted my decision,” Takuya said as he relinquished his only chance for survival. “You’ve always been hungry, not just for food, but also for power. Now that you have the two most powerful D-Tectors, not to mention your own, are you full?”
“Not quite yet, but I’m getting there.” Junpei looked back at Izumi. “You forgot one; I was also hungry for love. Speaking of forgetting, I want you to tell Tomoki about what you did to your mind. More importantly, tell him who pressured you into it.”
“Um, I planned to do that anyway,” Takuya replied. “However, I’m not going to bash the hash. Like I said before, despite its many drawbacks, pot gets rid of inhibitions, which helped me. It also lessens pain, which helped Bokomon. Then there’s medicinal marijuana for glaucoma patients; does your dad ever prescribe that?”
“No, it goes against the oath. While the drug might ease the pain, inhaling the smoke harms the lungs,” Junpei explained. “That’s just one of the many arguments against it. So, to be fair, you should tell Tomoki objectively about the time you spent with Yutaka, and yeah, with Hazy too. We’ll let him make his own decision about it; I know he’ll make the right one, like he did in the vote.”
“Lay off the cheap shots, buddy. Is there anything else you want me to do?” Takuya asked sarcastically.
“Yeah, there’s one more thing.” Junpei didn’t pick up on the sarcasm; he was used to Kouji’s unsubtle style. “Although you’re not fighting HellDiaboromon, you can still help us defeat him…I mean her. If you can tire her out, I might stand a chance as Beetlemon. Unfortunately, nothing will make MetalKabuterimon a match for speed with that guy. Do you understand what I’m saying? Buddy, I want you to fuck the hell out of her.”
“Did you just call me ‘buddy’?” Takuya was shocked, but it made sense, since Junpei knew that this was their last man to man talk. “I’ll do what I can, but to be honest, I’m a little quick on the draw.”
“Izumi’s hand job certainly seemed to last an eternity, but I guess that’s because of the glove, and because you were never physically attracted to her.” Deep down, Junpei knew that the last part wasn’t true, but because he said it in his intimidating tone, Takuya was forced to nod in agreement. “Hey, she never said that there was a limit. If you can’t wear her out on the first try, get it up and try again. Go out with multiple bangs…fireworks.”
“There’s an order I’m going to enjoy following,” Takuya commented. “Once she’s worn down, you should have no trouble mauling her, you crazy bi-polar bear. Actually, I get a little out there myself, sometimes. I go off, sometimes. I go a little crazy, just like you; I do.”
“You do, really?” Junpei questioned.
“No, not really, I’m a pothead; I’m not a steroid abuser,” Takuya replied.
Junpei didn’t like what he thought Takuya was implying. “I’ve never taken any illegal drugs, and I stopped taking the prescription pills months ago. No synthesizers were used to create the rage that I unleashed on you in the castle.”
“I know, buddy. You went from gentle to mental like the guy in Me, Myself & Irene. You probably should’ve stayed on the prescriptions,” Takuya reasoned.
“I
didn’t bring my pills with me, and even if I had, I would’ve run out
eventually,” Junpei explained. “Me, Myself &
Irene, there’s something special about the soundtrack to that movie. The soundtrack to
“Okay, what did me and Kouji tell you about the obscure references?” Takuya asked rhetorically. “Well, maybe it’s only obscure to me; I don’t buy soundtracks, just albums. Buddy, these conversations kill; I want to finish this one. It’s been a wild ride; I wouldn’t change a minute, except for the wet dream, the pants pissing, and Izumi’s crowning ceremony. In general, I wet myself…wet my bed, my pants, and my head. You have a birthday coming up in a few days, don’t you?”
Junpei didn’t see the relevance, but he answered anyway. “Yeah, by my count, today is the twelfth of June; my birthday is in two days. If I recall correctly, Kouji’s was in April, Izumi’s was in May, Tomoki’s is next month, and you would’ve turned twelve this August.”
“Your memory never ceases to amaze me,” Takuya commented. “I guess it’s all relative; like you’ve said so many times, I fucked up my head. It wouldn’t have been long until I had no memory. In case I don’t see you, happy birthday, I’d like to propose a toast to Junpei and Izumi, and congratulations on the baby. Oh, one more thing, emerald is the color of your energy.”
Finally, it was Tomoki’s turn. Junpei considered Takuya’s last remark as he walked away, and he shrugged it off as the ranting of a man with no way out.
Tomoki made his approach, and Takuya got ready for the last painful step before he could enjoy his dumb love. “Buddy, there’s something that I need to tell you.”
“Alright, what is it?” Tomoki asked.
“Your older brother, Yutaka, was a close friend of mine. That’s the real reason why I did such a good job taking care of you.” It wasn’t easy for Takuya to reveal that his compassion wasn’t pure.
“Don’t flatter yourself; in the past month, I mostly took care of myself. I’ve changed a lot and then some. When I ran into something I couldn’t handle, Junpei was usually there for me.” Tomoki realized that he might’ve hurt Takuya’s feelings. “Still, you did a good job in the beginning. If I ever didn’t thank you, then just let me do it now.”
Takuya couldn’t do it. He couldn’t tell Tomoki about Yutaka’s manipulation, or the jam sessions which became joint sessions. Tomoki still had a shred of respect for him, and he couldn’t afford to lose it. “Even if I tell him everything, what will it accomplish?” Takuya asked himself. “He’ll be disillusioned in me and his older brother. Junpei will be his only role model. Actually, Junpei is a pretty good role model, but he’s still a murderer. There’s no excuse for that.” Takuya decided to do his best to follow Junpei’s first order. “I want you to do a favor for me. I know I’m asking a lot, but I want you to tell my girlfriend that I loved her. Tell her to move on; tell her to find someone who’ll take care of her.”
“Why can’t Junpei do it?” Tomoki inquired. “He’s good with the romantic words.”
“Sure, when Izumi’s involved, but I don’t trust him to say the right things to Hazy.” Takuya hoped that Tomoki would believe his excuse. He didn’t want to reveal Junpei’s plan to Tomoki. Takuya removed his open red shirt, leaving his chest covered only in yellow. “I want you to take this shirt. In the left breast pocket is a picture of Hazy…lady picture girl. Her address is on the back of the picture.”
Tomoki tried on Takuya’s shirt; it went more than halfway down his thighs, and the short sleeves went past his elbows. “Uh, it’s a little big on me.”
“You’ll grow into it,” Takuya assured him. “In the meantime, think of it as a robe.”
“Also, it smells like Yutaka’s room, which is also my room, but I think the smell is Yutaka’s,” Tomoki noted.
“Okay buddy, if it’ll seal the deal, take my goggles too.” Takuya took off his goggles and offered them to Tomoki.
“Whoa,
you’re giving me your goggles?” Tomoki
thought that Takuya would die with his goggles on, like how cowboys got buried
with their boots on. Then Tomoki
remembered; Takuya wasn’t the one he called ‘
“Now, you all have a piece of me,” Takuya said. “Izumi has a glove, Junpei has my D-Tector, and you have the largest piece of pie, because you know that we have always been down.” Takuya was ready to go down; he turned to the pilot of his impending plane crash. “You’re all mine now; I’ve been waiting for my Sunday girl.”
Takuya approached the counterfeit. “I’m choosing the easy way; I’m assuming that you’ll use this body to give me my last request.”
“Yes, that’s the idea,” Hazy replied. “Of course, you’ll have to delude yourself into believing that I’m the real thing.”
“I happen to be quite good at deluding myself. Okay, you’re the fuel to the fire; that’s no good. You’re the weapons of war, still no good. You’re the champion of sorrow, no good. You’re the love; there we go.” Takuya wrapped his arms around Hazy and kissed her. “We’ll have one last naked Sunday,” Takuya said to himself.
Izumi watched as Takuya slowly brought Hazy’s body to the ground. She turned to Junpei. “We might not have much time left. You took Takuya’s bag of weed, right? There are so many things that we haven’t done, but we can kill two birds by getting stoned. I know you have a notepad in one of your pockets, and you have those fire starter things. Let’s use the paper to roll a joint, and then let’s get lucky.”
“If we do that, we really won’t have much time left,” Junpei responded. “That’s why we’re not going to do it. You already know what it’s like to be stoned, or have you forgotten your concussion? You told me this morning that the pain was back. As far as getting lucky goes…” Junpei stared deeply into Izumi’s eyes. “…I’m already the luckiest man in the world. I had to make a lot of my own luck, but I think that Kouichi is the only one who would’ve had a problem with that. Anyway, I already told you; if we’re going to survive this, we’ll have to keep our virginity. Yeah, there’s ‘The Power of Sexual Frustration’, but for us, there’s something else. Until we do it, our lives are incomplete, like a Van Gogh painting with a glaring blank space on the canvas. As long as our lives stay incomplete, we can’t die.”
“There’s a flaw in your logic; HellDiaboromon doesn’t give a damn if our lives are incomplete,” Izumi shot back.
“Izumi, I need you to keep your hope alive. I can’t go on without you, which is why he plans to go after you first. So, if you should die before me, ask if you could bring a friend, a best friend.” Junpei realized that he wasn’t sounding like someone that anyone should’ve had confidence in. “Hey, I’m the only legendary warrior who’s never lost a one-on-one battle. Just trust me, if I’m fighting for you, I’ll pull a victory out of my ass if I have to.”
“I appreciate that you’re trying to tone down the mushiness, but I didn’t need that image in my head. Until you lose some weight, your ass still remains your worst feature.” Then Izumi remembered Junpei’s best feature, and she had a brainstorm. “We’ve already gone down on each other, but we’ve never done it at the same time. While Takuya is having a 666, we can have a 69.”
“Her idea is fucking stupid,” Junpei said to himself. “I’m going to wear myself out before the critical battle. Then again, I’m a Japanese beetle, not an army ant. I got a heart, I got blood, and I feel pain. Part of my brain says no, and part says yes. Fortunately, there’s a tiebreaker. Takuya and Kouji wouldn’t like this policy, but Izumi gets the final say.” Junpei brought the zipper on his jumpsuit all the way down. “Yeah, I want to get lucky too. For now, we’ll have to settle for a three leaf clover.”
Tomoki looked away as his “parents” started kissing. Then Angewomon flew over to him. “I know where this is going,” Tomoki said. “I appreciate the offer, but I’m too young for this stuff.”
“Don’t flatter yourself; you couldn’t satisfy me,” Angewomon told him.
“I wouldn’t want to,” Tomoki retorted. “So, if it isn’t that, what do you want from me?”
“As soon as he’s done with Takuya, I think you’re next. If you’re willing to fight him, I might be able to help you. Thanks to Kouji, I have the ability to digivolve to Ophanimon. As a celestial digimon, I could give you the power to do a unified evolution. Unfortunately, in order for me to digivolve and give away my power, the recipients of the power from the original Ophanimon have to die,” Angewomon informed Tomoki.
“That doesn’t make any sense,” Tomoki complained.
“Yes, it does; until the most powerful warriors are gone, there’s no need for celestial interference. Believe it or not, the danger isn’t great enough, at least not yet,” Angewomon explained.
Tomoki asked Angewomon the same question he asked Takuya. “Why can’t Junpei do it? Why are you giving me this responsibility?”
“The prophecy said that hell had to freeze over, and you’re the legendary warrior of ice,” Angewomon stated.
“Alright,
that makes sense,” Tomoki thought. “This
Takuya had his body on Hazy’s and his tongue in her mouth. He grabbed her left breast with his right hand and used his left hand to undo his cargo pants. He got his right shoe off with his left foot, and vice versa. He quickly stood up, removed his hat, pants, and briefs, and returned to kissing and fondling Hazy.
“Why didn’t you take off that yellow shirt?” Hazy asked.
“You can have my body, but my heart will always belong to the real Hazy.” Takuya lined up his cock with Hazy’s entrance, and he plunged all the way into her core.
“Damn you, that hurt!” Hazy yelled. “I hope this isn’t how you screwed your real girlfriend. You ever hear of foreplay?”
“I’m just following orders,” Takuya replied. He drove his meat plow into Hazy with an increasing speed. Eventually, he reached his fastest pace, which still wasn’t anywhere near Kouji’s superhuman thrusting. Takuya could feel Hazy’s plush walls gripping him, milking his regeneration juice. “I can’t hold out any longer, but it’s alright. I’ve got plenty of energy; I’ll take another stab at it,” Takuya told himself. He released his adhesive into Hazy.
“Is that all you got?” Hazy asked.
“No, you’re going to have to wear the mask I found for a little while longer,” Takuya told her.
Junpei and Izumi kissed until they had to break for air. “How long did we go that time?” Izumi asked while she caught her breath.
“I don’t know; my brain didn’t have enough oxygen to count past two minutes. You don’t have a stopwatch, do you?” Junpei asked.
“I figured you had one; you seem to have everything else in your jumpsuit,” Izumi noted. “It’s all in the suit that you wear. You got kitchenware, candy bars, a notepad, a pen, first aid supplies, handkerchiefs, cards, three D-Tectors, and probably some stuff that I’ve either forgotten or I don’t know about yet.”
“I have kitchenware?” Junpei questioned.
“Yeah, you do…Takuya’s pot.” Izumi had been waiting to hit the punch line, but she could tell from the expression on Junpei’s face that he wasn’t impressed.
“Allllrighty then, no offense, but leave the comedy to the professionals. That pun was about as bad as bending over and pretending to talk out of your…” Junpei’s thoughts went back to that familiar gutter. Without warning, he wrapped his arms around Izumi’s midsection and they tumbled to the rough ground. Of course, Junpei made sure that he landed on the bottom.
“Didn’t that hurt your back?” Izumi asked him.
“Yeah, what’s your point? I’ll tell you mine; I can handle physical pain. I will keep you safe, even if it costs me my life, because I can’t handle anymore emotional pain.” Junpei gave Izumi a relatively quick kiss (twenty seconds). “Please, believe in me like I believe in us.
“Shut the fuck up!” Izumi wailed as tears formed in the corners of her eyes. “I already believe in you. You always have a trick up your sleeve. It doesn’t matter if you’re telling jokes, singing, or wrestling; there’s always a surprise…like the one between your legs.” Izumi got up, unzipped her purple skirt, and pulled it down along with her panties. She stepped out of her bottom garments and kneeled around Junpei’s face. Then she fell forward onto his body.
Junpei’s head was caught between Izumi’s legs, and her
pussy was hovering mere inches above him.
It still scared the shit out of him.
He tried to think about something else.
A question popped into his head.
“Hey Izumi, does The
Izumi started pulling down Junpei’s briefs. The jumpsuit only allowed Junpei’s briefs to go down about six inches, but that was enough for Izumi to fish out his sushi roll and mountain oysters. “There’s no official gift shop, but there are a bunch of t-shirt stands all around St. Peter’s. You can also buy animals for ritual sacrifices. When I was there, some crazy carpenter with a beard vandalized the stands. Fortunately, the police apprehended him and gave him a serious beating. He swore he’d be back, but he never showed his face in public again.”
“That anecdote helped a little,” Junpei thought. “Still, it wasn’t enough to soothe my nervousness. I think I’ll sing the ‘Interstate 69 Love Song’ to myself. Waiting, for a chance to eat some poon. Her cunt is right before my eyes. I’ll try. Feeling, like a hand is on my cane. Oh will you wrap and suck my guy? Oh my. Feeding on her southern trail. Only yesterday, I tried. Delicious, is what it seemed to me. If they sold the slime, I’d buy. All her sweet things she fed to me.”
Izumi didn’t wait for Junpei to start. She grabbed his rod with her left hand and cupped his balls with her right hand. She stirred his cock like a spoon in yogurt with the fruit on the bottom. She mixed him until he was as long and hard as the aforementioned stainless steel utensil. Meanwhile, her right hand used petting motions to gather the jam from his berries.
Junpei was ready. He reached around and clutched Izumi’s ass. He used the hold to pull his face up, right into her lucky lane. He pushed his tongue into her box, and she moaned with excitement. Junpei licked back and forth along her slit, and then he switched to swirling his tongue. Izumi’s juices were starting to drizzle, and Junpei was licking up whatever came out.
Izumi
moved her left hand down to the base of Junpei’s
dick, and she brought her mouth down onto his head. She felt Junpei
dropping a muffled f-bomb into her vagina.
The lapse in his tongue action allowed her to briefly switch from
moaning to giggling. “I don’t why that’s
so funny,” Izumi pondered. “When nature
calls, I guess I have to accept the charges.
Speaking of charges, the ‘
“Hey, there it is,” Junpei thought as he attached his lips to Izumi’s clit. He stroked it with his tongue for a while, and then he began sucking it. He felt more of Izumi’s juices hitting his face. “She’s almost there; I could finger her again, but I have a better idea.” Junpei removed his mouth from Izumi’s clit and brought it back to the center of her hole. He started to glide his tongue in and out of Izumi’s pussy, the good old tongue fuck.
“Keep it coming; I’m going all the way,” Izumi thought. She began sucking, and she was immediately rewarded with Junpei’s pre-cum. She sucked as hard as she could; it was the only way she could keep herself from screaming due to her own impending orgasm.
It was simultaneous. They filled each others’ mouths with their pleasure sauces, and they swallowed each others’ entire batch. Junpei licked Izumi’s pussy clean, and Izumi did the same for his cock.
“Okay, that was rather lucky,” Izumi said. “In fact, I feel like I just ate a bowl of Lucky Charms. Fortunately, I didn’t have to chase a leprechaun. Speaking of leprechauns, I wonder how Takuya is doing with Conan O’Brien.
“Conan is a good O’Brien, but Brendan O’Brien produces the best stuff,” Junpei irrelevantly commented.
Izumi hoped that Junpei’s obscure referencing quirk would go away with some encouragement. “You know, I like you better when you have your mouth full…of me.”
While Takuya was waiting for his dick to come back to life, he used his mouth to explore Hazy’s body for the last time. He started by kissing her neck, and then he moved down to her relatively developed tits. He groped the left one while he sucked on the right one, and then he switched. He was pleasantly surprised to find that Hazy’s nipples were getting hard from the stimulation.
HellDiaboromon was also surprised. “My powers are too strong; I never meant to copy the girl’s sensitivities along with her body. It must be a package deal. Last time, he hurt me a little, but I think this time will be different. I could just change back and kill him now, but I want to see where this leads. Besides, once I kill him, it will be impossible for the rest of them to beat me anyway,” HellDiaboromon told himself.
Takuya kissed his way down to Hazy’s hellhole, and he started to eat out her spicy taco. When her juices came out, Takuya felt like he was eating straight wasabi. “Well, I think you’re ready to go,” Takuya said as he pulled his face away and replaced it with his tool. He slipped into Hazy and started thrusting, slowly at first, but he built up to his top speed.
“Hell…yes…yes…damn,” Hazy grunted. HellDiaboromon couldn’t believe it; he was actually going to get off, but just then, it was over.
“If you count the wet dream, that’s orgasm number four for the day for me,” Takuya commented.
Hazy was pissed. “That does it; you’re going to die, right now!”
Tomoki had been watching Takuya and Hazy’s activity. His eyes were no longer innocent, so he figured that Takuya wouldn’t mind if he observed. “Actually, since Takuya is failing miserably, he probably doesn’t want me to see this,” Tomoki reasoned.
Angewomon had been watching Junpei and Izumi’s activity. “It’s not fair; that sour girl gets a man with a rod that’s bigger than both Angemon’s and Kouji’s. Worst of all, he’s still a boy; he’s not done growing. Hey, wait, I could kill the girl and take the big boy. No, that’s a bad idea. If I kill her, the boy will go psycho on me. I’ll find somebody else,” Angewomon told herself.
“Man, I’m tired,” Junpei said as he tucked his junk back into his briefs and zipped up his jumpsuit.
“Yeah, me too, but you relieved the pain in my head again.” Izumi put her panties and skirt back on, and then she made a move to kiss Junpei, but she reconsidered.
Junpei nodded. “I’m not really comfortable with doing that right now either. I love your stuff, but I don’t want to try my own. We’ll wash our mouths out as soon as we can find a fresh water source.”
“I seriously doubt that we’ll find one here,” Izumi said.
“What
about the River
Izumi bowed to the almighty joke master. “Like I said, there’s always a trick up your sleeve.”
Tomoki watched as Hazy grabbed Takuya by his shoulders and switched positions with him. Takuya was thrown back first against the stony ground. “He needs my help, and I can help him, just like I helped Junpei,” Tomoki said to himself. He took out Kouichi’s D-Tector and started up “Sleep Now In The Fire”.
“Do you have any idea who I am?” Hazy asked Takuya. “Obviously you don’t. I’m the most evil and sadistic creature in this world, and I have no tolerance for premature ejaculators.
[Yeahhhh.]
Takuya heard the song that Tomoki chose for him, and a little bit of his old optimism returned. “Just because I’m not fighting, it doesn’t mean that I’m giving up,” Takuya thought. “I’ll make love and war at the same time, and I’ll have that blaze of glory.” Takuya grabbed Hazy by her hips and forced her all the way down on his cock again.
[The world is my expense, the cost of my desire.]
“What are you doing?” Hazy asked. “It’s over; you’re done. In fact, you’re about to be well done.”
[Jesus blessed me with its future, and I protect it with fire.]
Takuya couldn’t let her know the real reason, so he had a credible lie prepared. “This is part of my delusion; one last time, I want to see that joyful expression on my girl’s face. I want you to ride me; it’ll be just like my first time.” Of course, Takuya knew that if Hazy rode him, she’d be doing all the work; it was a clever plan.
[So raise your fists and march around, just don’t take what you need.]
“Fine, I’ll give you another chance, but if you fail me again, I’m making your death a painful one.” Hazy raised her body and squatted back down on Takuya’s pole. She repeated the process, and she got a rhythm going.
[I’ll jail and bury those committed and smother the rest in greed.]
Since his cock had never left its wonderful pit of sin, Takuya had remained hard despite blowing his load. “I shouldn’t have any problem staying hard,” Takuya said to himself. “Actually, I think I’ve got one more load in me. This time, I’ve got to hold out. It won’t be easy, but my friends are counting on me. Besides, the longer I hold it, the better it’ll feel when I let it out.”
[Crawl with me into tomorrow, or I’ll drag you to your grave.]
Hazy started bouncing faster; she was enjoying herself. “Normally, I take my pleasure in the pain of others’, but for once, I’m taking pleasure in pleasure,” HellDiaboromon thought.
[I’m deep inside your children. They’ll betray you in my name.]
Izumi, Angewomon, and Tomoki observed both bodies in the scene, while Junpei tried desperately to keep his focus on Takuya’s face. “You can do it, man; hang in there!”
[Hey, hey, sleep now in the fire.]
“I know you boys like to congratulate each other on sexual conquests, but I didn’t think that you actually cheered each other during the fucking,” Izumi said.
[Hey, hey, sleep now in the fire.]
“Takuya is trying to help us. You’re pretty tired right now, right? Takuya is trying to tire out HellDiaboromon in the same way,” Junpei explained. “Yeah, it was my plan, but Takuya is the one who has to pull it off. He knows that even if he succeeds, he’ll still be killed. It’s a completely unselfish act. Alright, it’s not completely unselfish. In fact, the only sins he’s dying for are his own. Still, cut the guy some slack.” Junpei felt his left hand being placed over Izumi’s crotch. “You’re kidding…again? You must really like to watch.”
Out of the corner of her eye, Angewomon saw Izumi lift her skirt, and she saw Junpei’s hand going into Izumi’s panties. “Because she’s human, I’ll have to fire my Holy Arrow from close range, like I would’ve with Kouji. No, I’ll get myself crushed,” Angewomon reminded herself. “What does he see in her? These humans and their love; it makes me sick.”
[The lie is my expense, the scope of my desire.]
“Damn…damn…hell…yes,” Hazy moaned. She grabbed her breasts and started massaging them, occasionally giving her nipples a light pinch.
[The Party blessed me with its future, and I protect it with fire.]
Takuya could feel the wasabi leaking onto his crotch. “She’s almost there,” Takuya thought. “It’s time to take her home; her Hazy head is getting laid. She likes it; I knew she would. That’s always been my philosophy; everybody needs to get laid.”
[I
am The Nina, The Pinta, The
“Damn…damn…damn…damn…yes!” Hazy screamed as her riding reached a supernatural pace that matched Kouji’s float fucking.
[The noose and the rapist, the fields’ overseer.]
The change in velocity accelerated Takuya’s orgasm (the physics of fucking). “I can’t hold it. No, I can hold it; I have to hold it,” Takuya told himself.
[The agents of orange, the priests of
Watching Hazy’s speed demon thrills turned Izumi on even more, and she clenched her vaginal muscles around the fingers that were exploring her.
[The cost of my desire.]
“If I’m not careful, I’ll end up with blue fingers on both hands,” Junpei said to himself. “Yeah, but it’ll be worth it.” He stroked Izumi’s inner walls, and he delighted in the soft moans that escaped from her.
[Sleep now in the fire.]
“Damn…damn…yes…yes…yes…yes…yes…yes!” Hazy had a hellacious orgasm, and Takuya’s crotch was soaked with her private lava.
[Hey, hey, sleep now in the fire.]
“I made it,” Takuya thought to himself. “Alright guys, it’s up to you now.” Takuya exploded into Hazy’s wicked garden, and he achieved his own personal Shangri-la dee da. Then he looked up into Hazy’s face, and he smiled contentedly at her.
[Hey, hey, sleep now in the fire.]
Hazy smiled back; it was genuine. “I can see why you chose this as your last request. I never would’ve guessed that an activity could bring someone pleasure without being at the expense of someone else. So, was it as good for you as it was for me?”
[For it’s the end of history. It’s caged and frozen still.]
“It was even better for me. I guess it wasn’t a lie; my last time was just like my first time. Under the circumstances, this was the best I could’ve hoped for…thank you.” Takuya was spent, and none of the spectators were surprised when he fell asleep.
[There is no other pill to take, so swallow the one that made you ill.]
Actually, one of the spectators was a little surprised. “Takuya, despite the name, ‘Sleep Now In The Fire’ isn’t a song for sleeping,” Tomoki said.
[The
Nina, The Pinta, The
“Hey, if you had three orgasms in less than an hour, and five for the day, you’d want to sleep too,” Junpei told him. While Junpei’s left hand continued its glorious task, his right hand took out his D-Tector. “I’d call this ‘defeated’, Execute: Energy Drain!” A beam of yellow light went from Takuya’s body into Junpei’s D-Tector.
[The noose and the rapist, the fields’ overseer.]
Takuya was having an interesting dream. He was in a band with Kouji and Junpei. Kouji was playing the lead guitar and doing the vocals, Junpei was playing the drums and doing the backup vocals, and Takuya was playing the bass guitar. “It makes sense,” Takuya’s subconscious mind said to himself. “Yutaka was gradually forgetting how to play the guitar, and Denaka was planning to take over for him. He was going to teach me how to play the bass. I was going to be the fourth member of the band. That’s up in smoke; Denaka will have to get his brother to play the bass instead.”
[The agents of orange, the priests of
“I almost wish that I didn’t have to kill you,” Hazy told the sleeping Takuya. “I think we could have a lot of fun together. Unfortunately, you’re a legendary warrior, and I’m the incarnation of evil. It just wouldn’t work out. As your headless friend recently figured out, it can’t just be about sex.”
[The cost of my desire.]
Takuya’s dream continued; he recognized the song that was being played and the reason for it. “We’re playing ‘Smells Like Teen Spirit’ for Junpei’s thirteenth birthday.” Angewomon, Izumi, and Hazy were rocking out to the song in cheerleader outfits.
[S-sleep now in the fire.]
Hazy morphed back into HellDiaboromon. He stood over Takuya, and he looked down at his face. “I’ll try to make this as painless as possible, Habanero Breath!” The flames surrounded Takuya’s head, but his flesh didn’t burn.
[Yeahhhh.]
“Why isn’t he burning?” Junpei asked Bokomon.
[Sleep now in the fire.]
“The fire is a digital energy attack, just like MagnaGarurumon’s rifle. The fire won’t hurt him, but the heat from it will,” Bokomon explained.
[Sleep now in the fire.]
“He’s going to die from rapid dehydration. Despite HellDiaboromon’s intentions, that’s actually a pretty painful way to go out. In fact, that’s how crucifixions work,” Junpei noted sadly.
[Sleep now in the fire.]
The extreme heat stirred Takuya from his slumber. When he opened his eyes, he saw that he was surrounded by an inferno, and he knew that he was experiencing his final seconds. Before his brain was too dry to function, he had one last thought. “I am smelling like a roast that somebody blazed me ‘cause I’m dead and smokin’.”
[Sleep now in the fire.]
The song was done, so Tomoki put away Kouichi’s D-Tector. He knew that he had to be strong, but when the flames died out, and he saw Takuya’s corpse, he couldn’t stop himself from crying. He walked over to Junpei, and Junpei hugged him with his free arm.
Junpei felt that it was necessary to hug Izumi too, and he started to remove his left hand from her special area, but Izumi clamped down and stopped him. “Yeah, seeing Takuya’s head turn from a grape into a raisin has made me sad too, but if you want to console me, you’ll continue.” Izumi realized that her knees wouldn’t be able to hold out, so she went to the ground, pulling Junpei, and consequently Tomoki, with her.
“That was really stupid,” Tomoki told her in between sobs.
Junpei sat up and looked at Takuya. Then he stared into HellDiaboromon’s eyes. “He didn’t deserve this! He had something to live for; someone else was relying on his safe return to the real world.” The tears that Junpei hadn’t used on Takuya’s plan started flowing. “Gone…he was loved, and we all will miss him.”
Despite the fingers in her pussy, Izumi also started crying.
“Hey, wait, none of you cried when Kouji died,” Angewomon recalled.
“You didn’t cry either,” Junpei reminded her. “He wouldn’t cry when his brother died, so we couldn’t cry when he died; it’s that simple. Takuya, on the other hand, wasn’t an asshole. Yeah, he was a little irresponsible and sleazy, but he was also generous, compassionate, peaceful, and a lot of fun to be around.” Junpei’s eyes remained fixed on HellDiaboromon’s. “Takuya’s death will be avenged.”
“His death will be avenged? Way to ride the cliché,” HellDiaboromon commented. “You’d sound a lot more threatening if you didn’t have your hand in that girl’s panties. Besides, you’re going last, and you won’t be doing any ‘avenging’ until then.” HellDiaboromon pointed to Tomoki. “Since the girl is occupied, you will go next.”
Tomoki stopped crying. “You think that I’m going to die easily, but you’re thinking wrong.”
“Ha, you can’t swallow what I’m thinking,” HellDiaboromon replied. “It’s too damn sinister.”
Izumi paused from her half moaning and half weeping. “Okay Junpei, now we’re in a horror movie.”
That
story had a rather interesting plot. The
moral of the story, at least from Takuya’s perspective, is that the penis is
mightier than the sword. There was
double the sex of any previous story. It
wasn’t easy to come up with all of those sexual metaphors, even with the aid of
Stone Temple Pilots song names. I hope
you’re satisfied for a while. I featured
Nirvana, Stone Temple Pilots, or illegal drugs in half of the stories. Finally, Junpei
tied them together with Kouji and Takuya, and he did
it in one sentence. In Takuya’s dream,
they were split back into two bands.
Yutaka’s band was Stone Temple Pilots (which should’ve been obvious by
the names in “Everything You Know Is Wrong”), and Kouji’s
band was Nirvana. Takuya doesn’t buy
soundtracks. In “Generic Blues”, Junpei quoted “No Shelter” after he hit Takuya with the
“Helicopter Blade”. “No Shelter” is a
Rage Against The Machine song from “Godzilla: The
Album”. Another song from that
soundtrack will be quoted in the next story (actually, it’s a remix with sound
effects). Those birthdays came partially
from an actual episode. Takuya’s
birthday is known to be in August, and Izumi’s is known to be in May. With a name like Junpei,
Junpei’s birthday should be in June. Yes, my birthday is also in June. I gave Junpei my
birthday, which happens to be my parents’ wedding anniversary. There’s one more reason; my version of Junpei is truly a Gemini.
My little brother’s birthday is in July, just like Tomoki’s. Kouji’s birthday
had to be in April in order to finish off the spectrum. This is my latest symbolic technique; the
legendary warriors have a range of personalities, with Takuya on one end, and Kouji on the other.
Izumi is a little on the uncaring side, and Tomoki is a little on the
pussy side; Junpei is in the middle. The personality spectrum is reflected in the
birthday months. As promised, there were
a lot of religious references in this one (I’m including the Disturbed
quote). In case you couldn’t tell, the
kindhearted Takuya was Jesus (Krist). He passed on his goggles and his shirt to his
disciple, Tomoki. The devil and the
angel had a temporary switch. HellDiaboromon had some good thoughts, and Angewomon had some evil ones. Takuya’s last word, “smokin’”,
had several meanings. It sounds a little
like “bloated” from the song he was quoting, and he was getting torched, but
there’s more. I was using Jim Carrey
movies, and “smokin’” was inexplicably his most
famous quote from The Mask. The
last reason is, of course, because Takuya smoked pot. Why did I choose Van Gogh for my
metaphor? He used multiple layers of
paint, so the slightest blank spot would be very noticeable. Also, Junpei
contemplated suicide, and he’s still mentally unstable. Did you find all of the Jim Carrey movie
references? I used memorable plots,
quotes, and pieces of titles. I quoted
Stone Temple Pilots throughout the story, but I separated the Disturbed and the
311. You probably noticed that except
for part of “Down”, only Takuya quoted 311; they’re an admitted pot band. The last 311 quote was from “Down”, and the
next quote was from “Down” by Stone Temple Pilots. I’m pretty proud of that. I quoted a lot of Stone Temple Pilots songs
that weren’t singles, but I was nice enough to always sneak in the title near
the quote. Mostly, I just used names of
Stone Temple Pilots songs. All of their
songs have cool (though sometimes hard to understand) titles. I don’t know how I managed to get in “
Will Bokomon and Angewomon get together?
Tomoki has to pay a visit to Hazy. That will be in the next series, if I ever get to it.
Is Junpei a cowboy, or is he a hero from another historical period? If he isn’t the cowboy, then who is?
Angewomon plans to digivolve to Ophanimon, and then she’ll give Tomoki the ability to do a unified evolution.
Junpei is willing to sacrifice himself to protect Izumi.
The clover metaphor will be expanded upon later.
Junpei still has his hand in Izumi.
Kouji has the blue light; Takuya has the yellow light. Emerald is the color of Junpei’s energy.
If Takuya is Jesus, which prophet is Junpei? He likes Metallica; he must be “Creeping Death” (it’s the only dominating song on “Ride The Lightning”; I think it should’ve been on “Master Of Puppets”, switched for “Disposable Heroes”).
Kouji’s band is Nirvana, and Junpei is the drummer. Izumi will definitely like Junpei’s band.
Is Tomoki next, or is HellDiaboromon next?
No matter what, I’ll continue with these transmissions from a lonely room. Still, it would be nice to know that somebody is reading them. If you’d like to comment on my stories, you can email me at benjamin.wiseman@uconn.edu.
My university email address expires in May 2006, so I’ll also give you an alternate email address (I check it about twice per month):
©2003 By Benjamin Wiseman