Disclaimer: The authors makes no stake or claim on any characters mentioned.

A/N: Got this in my mind while taking a walk, actually. I take my walks every night and was just thinking, "Hey, there's not much KouichixTakuya out there." so this came along after me thinking about it for an hour long walk (because my CD player isn't working anymore and I have nothing better to do >>') and here we are. For the record, I hate overly feminized males. It kills the whole point of it being TWO MEN. But alcohol does strange things to you...so, yeah, let's just put it that way.
May seem pathetically cliché at first, but give it a shot, ne? You might find it...interesting. Or at least you'll just be happy with the porn. ...Yes, yes porn is always happy. 2nd Disclaimer: The story should only be viewable on Mediaminer.org and Digiartistsdomain.com. If this story is ever seen elsewhere, please quickly send me an e-mail at Sazreazhyu@aol.com.

(Kouichi POV)

Takuya hid to no one that he was drunk at the funeral, and somehow, few people noticed. Luckily, he wasn't one of those raging, brawling bull types, but one of those sulky drunks who leans on your shoulder and cries the world away. He leaned on mine throughout the whole ordeal, and so most people simply assumed that he was merely grieving for the deceased rather than stumbling around completely smashed. Sad music began to play, and he clutched at my shoulder harder and sobbed louder, earning a few awkward glances from those sitting near us. As everyone stood up, I patted his hand pathetically and tried to help him pick himself up, but he fell forward and I had to grab onto his shirt collar at the last second to help him keep his balance. I heard a very audible "RIP!" and could only pray the tear wouldn't be noticeable.
Not even taking notice that his collar was now torn, he simply fell back into the pew, sobbing and hiding his face with his hands, whimpering my brother's name over, and over, and over again. I was about to reach down and start comforting him again.
"Kouichi-chan?" I saw my mother coming at me from the corner of my eye. I turned to her, and she hugged me hard, taking up the occupancy of my shoulder. She kept saying how she felt so guilty for his death, and in reality, it wasn't her fault at all. It was just another curve ball of fate from a pitcher who seems to like throwing them at us. She only felt guilty because he had died on mother's day, one of many days he would bring her flowers and visit me, since I still lived with Kaa-san. An eighteen-wheeler ran a red light and rammed the driver's side, completely destroying the car and everything inside it, except, ironically, the flowers. The driver who hit him was fine, and the flowers were fine, but Kouji never had a chance. They struggled and fought to retrieve his body from the twisted wreckage for an hour, but those fragile flowers made it to Kaa-san just fine. Just another one of those damn curve balls. He died at twenty-two, two months before our next birthday, July 22. Maybe it's just me, but I thought the sudden appearance of so many twos was eerie, also considering we were twins, a pair of two.
I felt horrible. I was noting pointlessly how often the number '2' appeared while my mother was a nervous wreck. My father, both devastated and ballistic at Kouji's death, was suing the drunk driver who hit him and making a nice big fuss about his death. One of my best friends who might as well have been a brother to me was having a breakdown and was drinking himself to an early grave. And I couldn't even shed a tear for my own brother, whom I loved, but somehow couldn't cry for. I'll cry for any made-for-TV movie and I'll cry at any chick-flick, hands down, and hey, I'll cry at a good Disney movie and I even cried when I finished Kingdom Hearts, but I can't cry for my own dead brother. Kaa-san told me I was just in shock, but I couldn't help but feel guilty that Takuya appeared to be more hurt by his death than I was. We were twins, and I barely felt he was really gone for good.
My poor mother was led away by Satomi-san to watch him be buried; one mother's tears to another's. I went to follow along after them, but my brother's grieving boyfriend grabbed my arm. I sighed and tried to get him to stand again, but he just fell right back down.

Takuya made another gasping sob, and I had to shake my head at the pitiful sight. A year earlier, when he'd reached the legal drinking age, he'd managed to get only slightly drunk enough to throw up and then get a whanging headache afterwards, and vowed to never take any sort of drink again. If he did, he gave us his official permission to kick his ass. He hasn't been sober since he heard of the accident. I've yet to kick his ass.
"Come on, Takuya-kun," I said gently, "Let's get going."
He made another pitiful crying sound. His voice changes pitch when he's wasted; it gets higher, childish, and whiney. He sounded like a kid, and it was really irritating. My brother was about to be buried forever, and his own boyfriend couldn't stumble along enough to see him one last time while his own brother couldn't seem to even cry.
An uncle looked at me disdainfully; he was probably aware of the scenario of his nephew's relationship with this drunken idiot, and mentally noting he'd made a poor choice in life. Our parents had gotten over the fact that Kouji was gay, maybe, but the rest of our family was just finding out. Apparently we come from a tree of homophobes.
I managed to pull Takuya's arm over my shoulders and sort of slung him half on my back, and I guided him towards the grave site. Takuya apparently forgot how to put one foot in front of the other and walk, and in the end I mostly dragged him, with him clinging to my hand-me-down jacket and leaving me praying that it wouldn't tear as well.

It was another hour that was both the longest, most drawn out hour and the shortest, most rapid-fire hour I've ever experienced. It felt like it took so long to get through, and then it was over in a blink. Mourners were all around; friends, all familiar because Kouji's acquaintances were few and far between, and family I'd never seen before, and who didn't want to see me. I was used to that. They, my father's side of the family, considered me the illegitimate son because I didn't live with our father. Very few family members would show up at my funeral, while at Kouji's, it was packed. I was used to that, too. The same uncle gave me another look as Takuya started sobbing into my neck again. I could imagine the nasty comments floating around in his mind; 'Guess the slut just jumps from one to the next', things like that, (I've heard them say them, though I'm appalled at how they could do so while dealing with a death in the family) and I tried to ignore his piercing gray eyes to comfort my brother's boyfriend before he caught more attention to himself or started falling on top of himself. Kouji sure could pick 'em.
Don't think me as bitter towards my brother for this at all; I loved him with all my heart. I couldn't explain why I couldn't cry. Perhaps Takuya was just keeping me too busy.
When it was all over, and people began to leave, I remained in front of the stone, staring dumbly at it.

My eyes welled up with tears, unable to get any farther than the most basic inscription, though there was a lovely poem at the bottom that I might've liked to read. I might've finally broken down and cried if Takuya hadn't gotten in my way, kneeling before the tombstone and wrapping his arms around it. His chest heaved powerfully, but I don't think he was still crying; he was just sobbing dryly in his grief. My mother put her hand on my shoulder, and whispered in my ear that I should probably drive the poor boy home. She must've really been concerned about him; she had barely let me touch a car since the accident.
Takuya's parents weren't here. Kouji was not their son and they had no relationship to him, so they decided there was no need for them to be here. I wondered how Takuya had driven here if he was as drunk as he was when he showed up. I was lucky not to find out I'd also be burying Takuya on the day I was burying my brother.
I swallowed hard to keep my composure. I was always the responsible one; if anyone had to take care of Takuya, it would be me. And I couldn't do that if I was crying and being a disgusting mess myself. I agreed to take him home. Kaa-san left me with a kiss and a warning to be careful.
As soon as I dragged Takuya back to his car, more than an hour after the ceremony had finished, the first thing he reached for was an unfinished can of beer. I smacked his hand away from it.
"Don't you remember that part about me kicking your ass if you ever got drunk again?"
Takuya just looked at me, not comprehending a word. He probably had no idea what I was talking about, but I continued as if it had been the topic of a recent conversation.
"I thought you'd only need to heave up organs once for you to get the point- drinking doesn't do a damn thing for you. And to top it all off, I'll be kicking your ass later, considering I already have your permission and am ticked off at you enough to do so."
Takuya just slumped in his seat.
"And well, now that... that Kouji's not here, I'll have to kick your ass twice for every time it happens. Remember that next time you pick up anything alcoholic."
Completely ignoring everything I said but catching the word 'Kouji', he burst into tears again for the entire ride.

I still lived with my mother, for she lived close enough to my job and school and I'd rather live with her than be forced to shell out big bucks for my own place, but Kouji and Takuya were splitting the rent at a very snazzy apartment. As I was struggling to hold his dead body up and jam a key into the door at the same time, I wondered how Takuya was going to afford it now. Tou-san might send him a little money from the lawsuit, since he was his son's boyfriend, and perhaps Kouji, paranoid as he is, saved a little money away, but I doubted he could keep up this place for long. Especially if he kept up this constant drinking and he quit school and his job because of it.
As soon as I opened the door, he slid off my shoulder and walked right in, not even bothering to take his shoes off. He went right to the fridge, and I had a fairly good guess what he was going for.
"Takuya-kun?"
No response. Shuffling through the fridge.
"Should I call your parents to tell them you made it home alright?"
The 'pop' of opening a beer can top. I contemplated going in and staying with him, but I figured he'd be better on his own. He was too drunk to even hear a word I was saying; staying and talking with him for four hours would do practically nothing. And hey, my mother needed comforting too.
"I'll come back in a little bit, okay? Please, call us if anything happens."
Silence, then the sudden obligatory sigh after drinking something.
"I'll take your car home." I would've added, "So you can't go out and buy more beer," but I thought better of it.
The screech of a chair as he sat down in it. I heard him whimpering.
I left him to deal with his demons himself, and quickly forgot about him as I got into his car, prepared to start it, and for the first time since Kouji's death, started crying.