Canius's 'The Night Life' Commentary

This lemon by Red Rover contains adult concepts from the television show Digimon. Do not proceed if you are under eighteen or the material is illegal in you jurisdiction.

A comedy spin-off inspired by Digistar DBZ. Thanks to Sonimon, Christine, Togashi, Metal Mikemon, Tank Cop, Hellravenmon, and Boss Reo for letting me write it. This one takes places after we all watch Dark Jester's 'Sora's Return';

The Critics Series #14

Canius’ The Night Life Commentary

By Red Rover and Madman

(All the lemon writers are still in the Mad Man’s base, Red Rover strapped to the traditional James Bond Table.)

RED ROVER- Nobody knows the trouble I’ve seen….

TANK COP- Please stop singing!

RED ROVER- Too depressing?

LORD ARCHIVE- No you are just a horrible singer!
RED ROVER- How can you tell?! It’s a lemon!

SONIMON- It’s just that bad.

RED ROVER- Hilarious. Did you all forget I am the lemon writer- remember... absolute power?

TOGASHI- Correct me if I am wrong, but Madman is in power now?

METAL MIKEMON- You could stop sending him your lemons you know.

RED ROVER- He edits the lemon after I send them in, so how can I stop him?

CHRISTINE- How about you stop writing?

RED ROVER- Then we cease to exist.

BOSS REO- Bad idea then.

LORD ARCHIVE- Well, I am going to watch another lemon then.

HELLRAVENMON- When we are facing certain death?

LORD ARCHIVE- You have a better idea to pass the time?

HELLRAVENMON- Not particularly.

RED ROVER- We could listen to my singing.

ALL- NOT GONNA HAPPEN!!!

LORD ARCHIVE- (Turns on TV Screen.) Canius’ The night Life. From an author who villianize's himself.

TANK COP- What does that mean?

CANIUS- You’ll see. (Lemon starts playing.)

This is a work fiction based on the show digimon. It may contain yoai
(gay), yuri (lesbian), and/or sex between minors.

METAL MIKEMON- Whoa, all that in one lemon? Joy!

CANIUS- No, it’s just the standard warning.

You must (I don't really care if you are but the gov't does so oh well) be 18 to read this.

TANK COP- Ah, a real scary warning to all the minors.

If this kind of stuff bothers you, then get out of town!!! I'd like to
thank the Infamous Boss Reo for all his help.

BOSS REO- Woot! Recognition!

Here's the story hope you like it.

TOGASHI- And if you don’t like it, die horribly.

The Night Life

HELLRAVENMON- Nice title. Sounds like a bad nightclub.

Canius sat at a round table in a comfortable leather chair. He was growing impatient. He had been called in for some sort of job by an unknown employer. 'Kept in the dark as usual', he thought. This time it was literal. There was only one light in the whole room that was above the center table. Canius drummed his fingers on the table. It had been over an hour. If it had been any other job, he would have left 59 minutes ago. He would have this employer and cut their face off for making him wait so long.

SONIMON- I am guessing you don’t get too many repeat customers, Canius.

He rested his head on the table and let out a long sigh. The door opened suddenly and someone walked in. Canius couldn't see their face, it was so dark. "So sorry." he said, "I was attending to matters that required my direct attention."
"Yeah, whatever." Canius said, "Do you have a job for me or not?"
"Straight to the point. I like that." The employer said as he pulled a large envelope from his bag. The employer slid it across the table. Canius opened it and removed a photo of 8 children and 8 creatures from it. "Kids?"
"Is that a problem?" the employer asked.
Canius sighed, "No, it just costs more. Who are they?"
"They're called the digidestined. " the employer said.
"What do you want me to do?"
"Just capture them and bring them back here. If they put up a fight, do what you want. Have some fun." he said.

BOSS REO- Sounds like an open invitation for a lemon rape scene there.

"What are these creatures and what do you want me to do with them?" Canius asked.
"They're called digimon, they're controlled by the humans by digivices. They do most of the fighting. Kill them or capture them; your pick."

METALMIKEMON- A possible third option with the female digimon?

"Are they formidable?"

SONIMON- Let’s see, they almost destroyed the world numerous times. I think they are tough.

"For you, no."

HELLRAVENMON- Whoa, someone is full of himself!

RED ROVER- And he had others believeing it as well. I might have to take notes on this guy... Oh, wait- that would imply I am full of myself, and we know I'm not.

BOSS REO- You keep right on thinking that. Jackass.

"Okay listen, this is by far the weirdest job I've ever taken, plus we're dealing with kids and weird little digi-thingies, so this is going to run you a pretty penny." Canius told him.
"Name it."
"500 million US. Cash. All upon completion."

TANK COP- You are an idiot. I would have asked for a harem if I could have anything.

CANIUS- You can GET a harem with that money!

TANK COP- So ask for both!

"Agreed."
Canius sighed again. "Tell me the location."
"Now that's the tricky part, you see they’re in another world. The digital world."
"I knew there was a catch. How do I get there?"
"Take this," he slid an electronic device across the table. Canius looked at it. There where 3 buttons DIGITAL, REAL, and RECIEVE.

HELLRAVENMON- I see someone is making the Digital World the next tourist trap.

"Digiport," he read aloud, "Digimon, digidestined, digital world, digivices, now a digiport. Your on a little digi- kick aren't you?"

METAL MIKEMON- Wait till he gets to the ten thousand names that end in -mon.

His employer laughed and said, "Just a little."
"How do I work this thing?"
"Push digital to open a tunnel to the digital world and real for the real world. The receive button is for when I contact for updates." Canius stood up and stretched his legs. "Gotcha. But how do I contact you?"
"You don’t. How long should this take?"
"Kids; 3 to 5 days."
"Do not underestimate them. They are strong."
"Okay, okay. 6 days." Canius pressed the DIGITAL button. A large multi colored tunnel opened in front of him. Canius bared his fangs and looked over at his employer, "See ya soon!" he walked through the tunnel and it closed behind him.
"Good luck." the employer said as he stood and left the room.

The tunnel opened on the other side. In mid air.

CHRISITINE- Well that’s the end of the villain.

TOGASHI- That'd make for eiter 1. One boring lemon, or 2. Sex with a de-

ALL- Ewwwww...

Canius fell screaming, "SHHIIIITTTT!" A loud crash followed as he hit the ground.

SONIMON- Oh, master of tact I can see.

"Did you hear that?" Tai asked. "Hear what, Tai?" Agumon replied. Tai listened again. He heard nothing. "Nothing. Sorry." he said.

DARKMON- They don’t hear a swearing screaming man fall from the sky. Sad.

METAL MIKEMON- Although fairly accurate.

Canius looked at his broken arm. The skin was ripped and the bone was sticking out. Blood was running down his arm.

CHRISTINE- Oh, real tough. Already he’s shattered his arm.

RED ROVER- What next? Will he trip over a rock that the digidestined secretly planted to foil him, and... well, lets just hope not.

"Damnit! Compound fracture of the forearm. I'll have to set it before I can regenerate." He grabbed his wrist. He pushed his arm back in to position, hissing in pain. He held the bone in place with his other hand. He concentrated, "Heal..." he said calmly. A black aura wrapped around his hand and arm. Canius felt the skin, bone, and muscle mending together. He removed his hand and stretched his newly regenerated arm.

SONIMON- I guess you don’t have that power in real life?

CANIUS- Maybe, maybe not. (Foolish mortals. I will soon overthrow the governments and take over this pathetic planet! HAHAHAHA!!!!!!)

TANK COP- Hey Canius, we can read your thoughts. It is a lemon here, remember?

CANIUS- Ah. Then just forget that. (For Now! HAHAHAHA!!!)

BOSS REO- Canius?!

CANIUS- Sorry.

He stood up, dusted himself off and smelled the air. The air smelled different in this world. The air in the real world reeked of humans; here it smelled of unknown creatures. 'Must be the digimon.' There was a faint human smell but he could get a fix on it. 'I can't track them down in this form,' he thought, "I'll have to go wolfie." He closed his eyes. He envisioned his other form. Hair began to sprout all over his body, his muscles grew, his bones cracked and bent, and he grew to be at least 7 foot. He looked over his new form and silently approved. 'Good as always.' he thought. He smelled the air again. This time, he immediately found the direction of the smell. His eyes only saw heat, but he could smell a human a 100 miles away. He bent down on all fours, "Ready or not, humans. Here I come!" and took off into the forest at full speed.

HELLRAVENMON- All fours? Let me guess, you are a dog.

CANIUS- Sort of.

CHRISTINE- Well with a name like Canius it kind of tips us off about your canine heritage.

BOSS REO- Red Rover, Canius. A lot of dogs in the lemon writing community.

"I hate forests!" Mimi complained.
"We've only been walking through it for 2 minutes, Mimi." Matt replied.
"But they mess up my hair and my dress. Can't we go around?" she whined.
"Stop complaining. This is the only way." said Sora. The gang continued walking for about an hour, when they came to a small clearing. A stream ran right through the middle of it. "Okay everybody, it's getting dark and this looks too good to pass up, so let's rest here 'till morning." Tai said. Everyone agreed and began to settle in for the night.
"So where do we go now Tai?" Agumon asked.
Tai looked over at Agumon and shrugged. "I have no idea and I'm open to any suggestions that anyone has." he replied.

DARK JESTER- How about an orgy as a suggestion?

CANIUS- Those lemons take way to long to write.

Everyone else shrugged their shoulders and said in unison, "I dunno."
Tai rubbed his eyes and yawned. "Well, let's just get some shut eye and talk it over in the morning."

DARK JESTER- Should have taken my orgy idea.

"Sounds good to us." Matt said speaking for Gabumon as well.
"Us too." Sora said speaking for her digimon now.
"Matt, I'm not tired. Can I stay up?" TK asked his big brother.
"I guess. Just not too late, okay?" Matt replied.
"Okay." TK said.
"Can I stay up too, Tai?" Kari asked, "PLEEAAZZ."
"Fine by me." Tai said. Matt and Tai looked over at each other. "Youth." they both said.
"I'm going to stay up for a while too. I have work to get done." Izzy told them.
"And I have to comb out these knots in my hair." Mimi whined.
"Whatever, see ya in the morning." the ones going to bed said their good nights and nodded off.

METAL MIKEMON- Well I hope some people stay awake, other wise this will be a boring lemon.

Izzy was sitting with his one and only love, his laptop.

HELLRAVENMON- I'm surprised that it isn't his right hand. Or a hole in the laptop. Or both.

Slaving away as always. He glanced up from his work to see what everyone else was up to. They were all doing their usual stuff, Mimi was brushing her hair and talking to Palmon; Matt, Tai, Gabumon, Agumon, and Sora were all asleep;

LORD ARCHIVE- Looks like they’re out of the lemon for now.

Kari, TK, Gatomon, Patamon and Tentomon off to the side playing Truth or Dare;

SONIMON- Sounds like another lemon possibility right there.

TANK COP- Ah, yes. The classic truth or dare game goes too far.

Joe and Gomamon were off collecting firewood, but where was Biyomon? He looked all around but still didn't see her. Where could she be? He was about to ask Mimi or Palmon but just as he opened his mouth, he heard something behind him, "Psst! Psst!" he turned around and there was Biyomon, “Come ‘er!” she said. Izzy thought he could use a break from his laptop, so he set it down and walked over.

HELLRAVENMON- Probably downloading porn.

RED ROVER- Indeed.

Biyomon watched Izzy come towards her, she was nervous and wondering how to
tell him how she truly felt. She loved him with all her heart and soul
but couldn't find the words to tell him. As he walked closer, she knew
it was time to just out right say it.

"What's up Biyomon?" asked Izzy.
Biyomon looked into his sweet, brown eyes and was overwhelmed with
emotions. All she could do was say was, "Izzy, I…I love you Izzy, I've
always loved you, I could never find it in me to tell you." Biyomon
could see the surprise in Izzy's eyes.

HELL RAVENMON- Biyomon professing her undying love for you out of the blue and he is surprised? No wonder.

Izzy was shocked by Biyomon's sudden display of emotions. He also
loved Biyomon, and that was why he was so worried about her back at the
campsite when she was missing. "I love you too, Biyomon."

SONIMON- I hope so, otherwise it would be a short lemon.

That was all that needed to be said as he and Biyomon joined in a deep, passionate kiss. Their tongues met and sent waves of pleasure down their spines. Izzy started to rub Biyomon feathered chest making her coo with delight. His hands started to move down to her already moist pussy.
"Whoa, Izzy, calm down boy" Biyomon moaned.
"Can't. Too horny." Izzy said in return.

METAL MIKEMON- I see he’s great at sweet talk.

CHRISTINE- I am sure this will give a whole new meaning to "Flipping the Bird".

"Okay theeeen....oh god..."

CHRISTINE- Whoa, she submitted quick.

DARK JESTER- Just the way it is in lemons, and the way it should be in real life.

CHRISTINE- Pig.

Canius was close now. He could smell them individually now. 3 female humans and 5 males. The creatures were with them now, each one smelled different. He kept moving forward for about 5 more meters at a slow pace. He looked through some of the bushes. 'Peek-a-boo, I see you.' he thought as he saw them in the clearing.

DARK JESTER- Peek-a-boo?

TOGASHI- Hardly heart stopping dialogue.

CANIUS- When you are a flesh-rendering creature, dialogue is the least of your worries.

4 were sleeping, but there were still 4 more wake. Canius didn't notice the fact that one of the digimon was missing. "Keen eyes." he said softly. His eyes changed so that he could now see in color. The 4 that were sleeping were grouped together to tightly to capture them one at a time. He looked at the other 4 that were awake. Two young ones were sitting together talking. One was working intensely on his laptop.

DARKMON- Excuse me? One on a laptop? I thought Izzy was gone all ready.

CANIUS- Okay, so I messed up a bit on the time frame. Shoot me.

DARKMON- No silver bullets.

Then she was here; sitting alone, her digimon was asleep next to her. 'What an ugly dress.' Canius thought. He thought for a moment, 'I could grab her before she or anyone else could even notice. Then when they split up to look for her, I'll grab them one by one.' he smiled to himself. 'I am a genius!'

GABUMATIC- Oh yeah, the oldest trick in the book. Kidnap someone and have the heroes look for her.

Biyomon had removed all of Izzy's clothing and started to suck him off. Izzy was squirming under Biyomon, "If you don't cut that out," said Biyomon.

"I'm going to turn it up a notch." needless to say Izzy started to squirm even more.

HELLRAVENMON- Oh, god no! Madman has transported us to that cooking show with that Cajun guy!

SONIMON- I hope not, because that would only make today worse than it already has been.

"Okay, you asked for it!" she said and start to rub Izzy's balls with a feather hand and go even faster along his 5 inches. Izzy stopped squirming but started to moan loudly as this pleasure continued. She knew he was getting close to an orgasm and started to go even faster. Izzy hit his climax and sent wave after wave of cum into Biyomon's hungry mouth. Izzy sat up, "That was very prodigious, Biyomon!"

SONIMON- Man, he always uses that word!

RED ROVER- You are indeed a master of the obvious. Good job.

Canius silently moved around the clearing. He was right behind her. He neglected to notice once again that the boy with the laptop was gone.

CANIUS- See now Izzy’s gone. Happy?

He moved forward; a twig snapped under his foot. 'SHIT'

TOGASHI- Oh, some master of stealth you are.

BOSS REO- The twig was bad enough, but you don’t swear afterwards.

CANIUS- Ah, shut up.

The digimon sat up quickly. He sank back into the shadows. "What is it Palmon?" the girl asked.
"I thought I heard something...." the creature said. Canius thought quickly. He flashed back to the conversation with the employer. He said they were not formidable. 'Here goes nothing.' Canius stood on all fours and let out a deep-throated growl. Both the girl and the digimon stood up quickly. "What was that?!?!" the girl said. The girl was scared. Her fear was making him stronger. He growled again.

DARK JESTER- Come on. They’ve seen everything from vampires, cyborgs, giants, dinosaurs, and alien type digimon. Mimi would see a werewolf and go, 'oh, look, another one'.

'1... 2...3' He quickly jumped from bushes landing right on top of the girl. He looked deeply into her eyes. "Sleep." Before she could even scream she was asleep. He stood up. "Mimi!" the plant digimon yelled. Everyone in the clearing looked over in her direction. Kari let out a scream, "It's a werewolf!!!"

TANK COP- Ah, I see you are a werewolf, Canius.

HELLRAVENMON- You think they’d be used to all sorts of bugs, monsters, and creatures attacking them. A werewolf would be old hat by now.

Izzy looked away from Biyomon and listened again, "Did you hear that?" he asked. Biyomon place her hand on his chin and turn his head back towards her, "Shhhh, this is about us, just us, no one else okay?" and kissed him deeply again.

BOSS REO- Hands? She has wings.

CANIUS- Let us not get into semantics.

TANKCOP- And who would want to kiss a girl after she just gave you a BJ? I mean, really?

CANIUS- Shut up, dammit.

"Okay," he said "but I think it's time we go all the way."

DARKMON- For a male, it’s always time to go all the way.

"I think so too," she said and laid down in a small grass patch. Her pussy was already soaking wet and some of it was running down her ass which immediately made Izzy hard again. He positioned himself above her as he lowered himself in to her soaked pussy. She was so tight that Izzy was afraid he'd hurt her. He could see Biyomon was clenching her beak tightly together, but Izzy knew he was to far to go back now.

TOGASHI- Or, he was just too horny to turn back, period.

"Hang on Biyomon, this might hurt a little," he said as he
trust his whole member deep into her. "AHHHH!" screamed Biyomon as Izzy
popped her hymen. "OH MY GOD! IM SO SORRY!" Izzy said "I just thought
I'd be easier if we got the bad part over with first."

GABUMATIC- He was just horny.

"No … I'm okay Izzy… Keep going." "Okay," he said.

POLARIS- Like he'd need encouragement. If you put a naked chick in front of a guy, it's a trillion to one that he won't fuck her.

Izzy start to pump in and out of Biyomon. Slowly her small gasps of pain turned into loud moans and coos of pleasure. Izzy started to near his climax just as Biyomon started to moan to him, "Keep going… Izzy ….I'm right there…ooohhhh….Izzzzyy!"
"I'm going to cum Biyomon" "Me tt…tooo Izzy….mmmee…toooo," she moaned
"OOOOHHHH IZZZZYY IMMM CUMMINNGGG!!!!!!!" "MEEEE TOOOO BIYOMON." As they both hit their climax at the same time.

SONIMON- Oh, you are lucky no one heard that.

METAL MIKEMON- Luckily they are being attacked by a werewolf right now.

Completely worn out, Izzy rolled off of Biyomon and stared up at the sky. "What a beautiful half-moon," Izzy said before passing out.

TANK COP- Half moon? Attempt at a bad pun?

CANIUS- Okay, I admit it.

Biyomon only groaned in response as she too fell asleep.

CHRISTINE- That’s odd, usually the woman likes to complain about the man falling asleep.

"Now look what you did. You woke everyone up." Canius said to Palmon.
"What did you do to Mimi?! Poison Ivy!!" Palmon grabbed a large fallen tree and threw it at Canius. He caught it with both hands and broke it in two like a toothpick. "Is that all you've got? If so, you’re done for!" He started walking towards her.

GABUMATIC- Oh yeah, the traditional hit me with your best shot speech. Usually ends with the villain dying horribly.

RED ROVER- Unless you include today... at least thus far.

"Blue Blaster!"
"Pepper Breath!"
Canius looked in back of him. He moved aside quickly. "My turn! Violent Storm!" 100 mile per hour winds sent the digimon flying into a big tree. They were knocked out instantly.

TANK COP- Why do fighters insist on calling the names of their attacks?

"Gabumon!" a blond haired male yelled.
"Agumon!" another male with brown hair yelled.

Canius laughed, "You digimon are a joke!"
"Poison Ivy!" Vines wrapped around Canius' arms.
"What do we have here? A sneak attack perhaps?" Canius flexed his arms and flipped Palmon over top of him, slamming her into the ground. She too was now in the realm of the unconscious.
"I have no time for these games!" Canius stood up tall. "Sleep" His eyes grew red and a white aura surrounded him. The aura shot into everyone not already asleep. Within seconds everyone was asleep.

METAL MIKEMON- Oh, cheap way of ending a fight quickly.

CANIUS- Hey, cheap works.

He looked around, "My boss was right, you aren't formidable." Canius fell to his knees. 'All my energy is gone. Should have known better than to use my sleep technique on that many people.' He changed back into his vampire form. He stood up and looked at them, 'Won't last long, have to work quick.' He ran back into the forest. He found some good, strong vines and ripped them out of the tree.

TANK COP- Conveniently placed vines.

On his way back, he smelled something in the air. Out of place in a way. He sniffed the air again. 'Sexual pheromones? Must be mating season for digimon."

LORD ARCHIVE- A future lemon reference or does he smell Biyomon and Izzy?

CANIUS- Pick one.

He laughed and walked back to the group still sound asleep. 'Captured in less than 24 hours. Pathetic.' he thought.

METALMIKEMON- Well that’s the end of Canius series. Quick.

To Be Continued

BOSS REO- Nope, doesn’t sound like the end.

Hope u liked it. I know it's kind of long but it was worth it, right? Right? heh...heh. ewww boy. If u have any ideas, requests, feel free to email me at hybrid924@hotmail.com. Thanks for reading.

CHRISTINE- Nice werewolf form buddy.

CANIUS- Thanks.

TANK COP- Hey Red, something wrong? Beside the obvious strapped to table thing.

RED ROVER- I am just curious where Madman is at.

HELLRAVENMON- Well, we aren't being executed at this point in time, so it works for me.

RED ROVER- True. But now it is time to escape.

NARRATOR- Will the lemon writers escape before the Madman returns? Or will they more likely die horrible deaths? Tune in next time for The Critics’ Series!

RED ROVER- Damn, does he not stay dead?!

And that was the continuation of what is now called Madman's Critics series. Thanks to Dark Jester, Sonimon, Togashi, Metal Mikemon, Tank Cop, Hellravenmon, Darkmon, Lord Archive, Christine, Canius, Gabumatic, and Boss Reo. Any comments, requests, question, writing tips, etc, e-mail me at mrredrover@hotmail.com.

When in doubt: Madman