"Wanting What I Can't Have" (Part 1)

    By Reaper T. Bone

 

(This may not follow the true storyline, but work with me please.)

 

        How I lusted for that blondie...hair so soft and smooth, body so fit,

I think I am in love. Never before have I been stricken with these feelings

of such love. I have always liked the skinny types, of course with a bit of

muscle, they can't be frail. I also loved shorter hair...how I lust...The

problem here is I don't think this person feels the same way. They we are

friends, and I fear that it will be nothing more, but how I want it to be

more. My emotions are bursting within me; I don't know how much longer I can

resist. If only there was a sign...Hey there! I'm Davis. You may know me from

a TV show that I'm sure many of you may have watched. Yeah, it was pretty

good. I've heard things about how many people have altered the story to fit

certain...fantasies, but that's ok, to each his own. If you were reading my

thoughts earlier, you know that I am in love. I have never felt this way for

anyone before. I know that it seems like a physical lust, but I know it's

more than that. We have a lot in common. I just wish they could give me a

sign on how they feel, but I think I already know the answer. Hold on, I

hear the phone... "Hello?" "Hi, do you wanna go catch a flick?" Oh my god,

this is the perfect opportunity...my heart is racing...I have to say yes! "Sure,

that would be sweet!" "Awesome, I'll meet you there tonight at seven." My

god, this is amazing, my chance to finally tell this person how I feel...

        The day wore on so slow. The anticipation was killing me. I would have been

much better off if I had said something earlier, but I didn't want to make a

move and lose a cool friend. Six-thirty, better get ready...I looked in my

closet to find some...intriguing clothes. Yes, those pants are awesome, a

little tight on the crotch, enough to see a bulge, that might turn them on.

This shirt will be awesome too, tight enough to see my chest...I love it. I

made my way to the theater. It wasn't a great distance, but it felt like

it...I wanted to see my friend, to talk, to tell. "Yo Davis, wassup?" "Hey

Matt! I've been waiting all day to see you..." "Dude, I know. I heard this

movie is killer." Well, glad to see someone takes notice to me...not. Bastard

only wants to see the movie, but I want much more. "Davis dude, I'm thinking

of asking this chick out tomorrow, what do you think?" He shows me a picture

of her. She's very attractive, at least to someone who likes girls... "Maybe

you should wait; it might be too soon..." Good call; buy some time to get a

little more acquainted with Matt. "Sure dude, I'll wait a few, give me some

time to think of what to say." I look down at his pants, nothing. "Dude

those pants are too tight...you trying to get some or something?" "Yeah Matt,

something like that." "Cool." We bought our tickets and made our way in. As

we went into the dark theater I tripped on something and looked blindly for

something to support my fall. I accidentally laid my hand on Matt's ass to

recover my balance. "Dude, watch where you're going..." Matt chuckles. We find

an empty row and Matt seats himself. I sit next to him, of course. "Matt,

you look awesome tonight..." "Thanks man, I actually did my hair tonight."

Damn it, he just doesn't take a hint. I look at him and he smiles back,

emotionlessly though. "Davis, I've been waiting to see this movie all week,

I couldn't wait to see it with you." Oh god, my face is getting warm...should

I say something? No, not yet. I place my cool hands over my blood-filled

cheeks hoping to cool them a bit. The movie began. It was ok, but I was a

little more interested in Matt than the movie itself. I would occasionally

look over at him and smile, but he was entranced in the film. I have to do

something...I pretend to reach over to get some candy (coincidentally placed

right beside Matt's hand). I place my hand over his and smile. "You want

some candy dude? Here, I don't want anymore." This is ridiculous! This guy

must be retarded or something. I touch his ass, grab his hand...what more does

he need to get the picture. I knew I was good at hiding my homosexuality,

but I never thought I could appear this straight...I have to do something

drastic. I leaned close to Matt; I'm going to kiss him. Instantly, Matt

stood up. "I have to go to the washroom dude." He left me hanging. I just

can't win him over. He got up right before I could reach his cheek. Well,

maybe the washroom is a better place? "I'll come with; I have to go really

bad too." "Ok, whatever." I followed Matt the whole way, occasionally taking

glances at his ass. Nice. Matt made his way to the urinal, I did the same.

As I was relieving myself I tried to peek over at Matt, but his body was

facing the other direction. Does he not trust me? This is really not going

my way. We finished up and went to watch the rest of the movie. I had given

up hope on Matt. Maybe I could never have him, he's too straight. I didn't

say a thing to Matt for the rest of the film...

        The movie ended and we left the theater. He could tell I was disappointed

but he had no clue what the problem was. "Dude, you're looking kind of down?

What's happening?" "Nothing, you wouldn't understand." "Oh, guy PMS or

something? I dig, it's cool. Listen, what are you doing tomorrow?" "Me,

nothing, it's Saturday. I don't even know what I'm going to do tonight." I

lied. I did know what I was going to do. I was going to go on

Digiartistsdomain.com and look up some hentai, relieve myself and watch TV.

"Cool buddy, listen, since you have no plans you should come over to my

place tonight, we can chill." Well how could I resist that? The perfect

chance to tell him how I feel, in the privacy of his house too. "That would

be sweet."

         We walked down to Matt's place, talking about cars and girls. I like cars

but chicks don't interest me very much. Matt was my only real interest now.

I knew I felt this way since I was twelve. I am now fifteen (same age as

Matt) and I still have never told him the truth. I thought he would have

caught on, especially when he found what I looked at on the internet

(snooping through the history list). He must be too naïve. He found me

looking at Glenn's artwork (only the male section) and didn't think anything

of it. I found that strange. We got into Matt's room and he flopped down on

his bed. "Dude I'm so tired, I played basketball for three hours before I

saw you today, and I'm just swamped." "Oh, cool." There was a hint of

boredom in my voice, I wasn't sure if Matt picked it up. Just then T.K.

walked into the room. "Matt, mom said you have to do chores!" "Well tell

here I'll do it tomorrow. I have a friend over right now, so get the hell

out of here." "I hate you Matt!" T.K left and slammed the door. "Man Davis,

T.K is such a whiner. He always has been and always will be, but I've never

told him. He pisses me off so much sometimes." "Yeah..." "Dude, you sound

bored, is there something you want to do?" If only you knew, I wish it could

be the way I fantasize it. I kiss you and you become passionate and kiss me

back, but I now know this will never happen. I could lose him as a friend,

but this is it, I'm going to take a chance. If I lose him as a friend I will

go on. I don't know how but I will, there are plenty of gay dudes out there

I can make out with. I move close to him. He is lying on his bed again. I

move my head above his head and hold his one shoulder with one hand and kiss

him on the lips. He doesn't move at first (due to his surprise), but he soon

pushes my chest and I hit the wall hard. I can feel tears flowing in my

eyes, but not tears of pain, they are tears of agony, agony of a love that

could never be. Matt shakes his head and looks at me with a solemn glare.

"Dude..." he wipes his lips with is forearm, "we need to talk...".........