This is not a lemon, but it sure comes close. I mean, like, *real* close. It's mere millimeters from lemonry--but it remains on the clean side of the line...well, the slightly clean side, anyway.

This story contains strange, unconventional things. You have been forewarned.

I do not own Digimon. I do, however, own a large plot of land in Antarctica. Or so my lawyer tells me. ^_^

This is Season 01, or, rather, shortly thereafter.

And on with the show!

~~

_agz_

~~

He stumbled out of the bathroom five minutes later, eyes rimmed with red, and bumped right into the lady with the long nails. He backed up a foot or so and peered at her. She gave him a pitying look and pointed with a single clawed finger.

Tai stared at the finger, then pushed past the lady without so much as an "excuse me" to grease his departure. He heard her make a sound somewhere between a sniff and a snort (a sound somehow reminiscent of a sneezing elephant) behind his back, then the click of her heels as she walked away.

Tai had to fight the urge to turn and scream at her. Just a good, long, incoherent scream, for maybe thirty seconds or so. Maybe then she wouldn't be so apt to try to tell people what to do, the uppity little bi--

*That's enough, Tai, we get it, you're mad and confused and exhausted. Now stop pissing and moaning about it and go home.*

But he didn't *want* to go home, because home was where his sister was. And if *he* was where his *sister* was, eventually he'd have to look into her eyes again, and if he did, he didn't know what he would do. Explode, maybe? Just go "KABOOM!" and splatter himself all over the walls? Doubtful, but it would sure make things easier.

He couldn't go home. Not yet.

Tai walked--no, *shuffled*, his feet dragging across the concrete in long, hoarse scrapes--past the various booths, cutting a path through the people crowding the area. He could feel their eyes on him, taking in his red eyes, pale face, sagging shoulders, limp arms and leaden feet. He knew their thoughts, their oh-so-discourteous thoughts: that boy is stoned, that boy is smashed, that boy is dangerous, that boy will mug and beat you if you give him the chance, he is oh-so-dangerous and oh-so-epitomizing of his generation. Watch out for that boy, he's crazy.

He didn't care what they thought of him. As long as they left him alone, he didn't give a damn about their thoughts or opinions. They could all go to hell.

So he made his slow, noisy way through the accusatory mob, his head full of buzzing, bumbling bees, clouding his thoughts and numbing his senses. The lids of his eyes flickered up and down as he fought to stay conscious, and his upper body was beginning to slump forward. Something in the corner of his mind kept telling him to stand up straight, open your eyes up a bit more, you look like a zombie. He heard the words, but was helpless to do anything about it.

Which is why when he came to the centipede on the path, he thought nothing of just stepping right in in his drained state.

He regretted it instantly, for as soon as he entered some random body bumped into him, sending him careening into someone else, who pushed him away with their elbow, knocking him into a hefty woman, whom he bounced off of and was sent spinning into another person, from which he began all over again. He was like a pinball caught between a series of bumpers, bouncing from one to the other, moving fast but going nowhere. His head lolled wildly on the axis of his neck as he shot from person to person, feet stumbling across the pavement, trying to find purchase even as he tumbled through the crowd--

--and then out, as one final shove tossed him out of the centipede's guts. He landed flat on his back on the pavement, eyes wide, gazing up at the darkening sky. Stunned, he laid there, unmoving, and contemplated the meaning of life, the universe, and everything--everything and *anything* except what he needed to be thinking about.

*Kari*.

*Screw Kari,* he thought, scowling.

*Oh, is that what you want?* said a little voice in a sing-song rhythm. *Is that what you meant? You want to screw Kari?*

Tai's eyes widened with panic. *No! That's not what I meant!*

*Oh, really?*

*Yes, really! I meant--*

*You meant what? You meant "forget Kari, she's not important"? Is that what you meant?*

*No!*

*Then what?*

*I--*

*Maybe you meant that you should screw Kari, because she's not important; you can do whatever you want with her. Is that it?*

*No, no, no!*

*I think it is.*

*Well, no one gives a damn what you think!*

*You do.*

*No I don't!*

*Sure you do.*

Tai's eyes narrowed; orange-red clouds were reflected in his eyes. *Why would I?*

*Because I'm* you, *dummy. I'm the voice of instinct. I'm all your impulses given speech. All the things you want to do at the spur of the moment are whispered into your ear by me. I cannot be ignored.*

*Oh, really?* Tai grinned a dead man's grin. *Well, watch this.*

He laid there, staring up at the sky, with that lifeless grin plastered on his face, and he ignored the voice of impetus.

In its place, another voice spoke up.

*So, what're you going to do?*

*About what?*

*You know what.*

*Yeah, I do.* His eyes darted to the side for a moment, then returned to the burning sky. *What* do *I do? What* can *do?*

*Well...it's all relative to one thing: whether you love her like she wants you to love her, or not.*

*But how can that be what she wants? She's eight! She doesn't know love from a good case of gas! And neither do I! I'm barely a teenager! A kid! We're both kids! And related!*

*She knows what she wants because she knows. Love knows no bounds, as they say.*

*Fuck what they say. It'll never work.*

*How do you know?*

*Because it won't! Something like this could never work!*

*Ah, and there you're wrong. Things like this work all the time.*

*What? No they don't!*

*Yes, they do. You've just never noticed them in action, because, at the time you witnessed them, you weren't paying attention.*

*Whatever.*

*You'll see in time. But right now, you have to get home. Get up, dust yourself off, and follow her. She's alone, and it's getting dark. You don't want to leave her unprotected like that, do you? You've been pretty stupid, just sitting in that bathroom, and just laying here on the ground doing jack squat. You should've followed her out.*

*You're right. I should go.* He got up, brushed gray dust off himself, and headed for the exit. As he walked, he tentatively reached out to speak to that last voice. *You're not going to leave me, or anything, right?* He had no desire to be left alone with the voice of impetus again; he'd begun to despise that voice.

*Never. I'm you, after all. I'm not going anywhere.*

*Good, because that other voice is a pain in the ass.*

* * *

She heard him coming. It was hard not to; he was running, and his shoes were flopping against the cement, their redundant *flop-flop*ing echoing off the buildings. Besides, who else would be so eager to catch up with her? There weren't any major perverts in this part of town; no one ever got snatched from the streets around here. This was a nice place to live.

So it was him. It could be no one else.

The flopping noises neared her, and she focused her gaze on the sidewalk. She didn't want to look at him, just in case she ended up looking at his face. If she looked in his face, she'd end up looking in his eyes, and she didn't know if she could stand to see what was in there.

*Don't look,* she told herself. *Don't look, don't look, don't look.*

He was right behind her. He was pulling up beside her. Kari kept her eyes on a long, winding crack that traveled along the length of the sidewalk. She would not look. She would *not*.

He was just to her left. He was right next to her.

He was passing her. He was going on ahead, still running, shoes still flopping.

Kari stopped, and looked up. She just barely caught a glimpse of the man in the jogging shorts before he disappeared around the corner. Stunned, she stood there, completely unnerved.

*Maybe he's not coming. What if he's still back there in the bathroom? What if he ends up in there all night?*

She turned and looked back down the way she came. All she saw was an endless concrete path, dimly lit by the flickering yellow-orange streetlights. The sun had come and gone, the day was done, and little Kari was all alone.

All alone.

Suddenly she was scared. Sure it was a nice neighborhood, but shit *still* happened from time to time. She couldn't possibly be as safe as she thought she was; surely someone would come along, grab her up and carry her away. Then that someone would take her to some shady part of town and--

She ran. She couldn't stay, she had to go, go, *go*. She had to get out of this inky night and into the safety of her well-lit home. So she ran, her legs pumping, her hands balled into swinging fists. Her eyes jumped from left to right, searching her surroundings for dark men in long coats with hands like tarantulas: hairy, and full of twitchy, sticky appendages. This man, with his spider-hands, was in every dark corner that caught her eye. His grin was wide and his teeth were bright and shining.

*If he catches me, he'll have a mouth full of red instead of white,* Kari thought dazedly. *Wait...where have I seen that before?*

She looked left, and saw him again--only now he had two oversized canines, dangling from his upper gums. The teeth parted, and a bright red tongue danced over their surface. Kari screamed, and turned away--

Hands grabbed her. She tried to break away, but the hands--hairy and sticky, just as she'd imagined--held her effortlessly. She tugged and twisted, pulling with her all her weight, trying to escape the creature's grip. She began to cry when she realized it was hopeless--

"Stop!" someone yelled. "Stop!"

*It's Tai,* Kari thought, still struggling to free herself. *Tai's come to save me.*

"Stop!" The voice was even closer now. "Stop, damn it!"

Kari let her knees unlock, and she dropped to the ground and began to twist her arms and kick out with her legs. One of her feet hit home, and she heard the man with the spider-hands and the dangling fangs cry out. His hands loosened, and she was free. She scrambled away across the concrete--

--and the hands pulled her back again. She closed her eyes, and started to cry.

"Stop it! *Stop*!" she heard Tai say. "Just stop!"

She turned and looked at her captor with eyes full of tears. It was a man with pale blue skin, sleek blonde hair, and dark eyes full of hunger. His free hand stretched out towards her, the over-long nails poised to claw her face to shreds--

Then, in the blink of an eye, the man began to disintegrate, falling away to reveal a boy with big hair underneath.

It was Tai. This whole time, it had been Tai. The blue man had been a hallucination, a fantasy. A figment of fear and the shadows.

"Stop it, Kari," Tai whispered. "Settle down. It's just me..."

She stared at him, tears pouring out of her eyes, then pushed herself close, wrapping her arms around his waist. He locked his arms around her, and felt her shake and jerk as she began to cry. Looking down at the top of her head, he found he wanted to cry, too. He fought it off; he had to remain composed. For her. If only for her.

Gently, he peeled her arms away from his body, and scooped her up in his arms. She laid her head on his shoulder and, still crying and trembling, slid her arms around his neck. Tai hooked an arm under her, to hold her in place, and patted her back with his free hand.

"We're gonna go home, okay?" he whispered to her. "We're gonna go home, alright?"

He felt her whole body shudder, and then she nodded, warm tears dripping onto his neck. Tai began to walk, whispering consoling words to his sister, holding her the way he'd hold a baby, making his way home.

Right up until she fell asleep, he could hear her apologizing to him.

* * *

Fifteen minutes later, Tai stumbled through the door to the Kamiya apartment, his arms and legs aching under the dead weight of young Kari. He'd had to carry her two blocks to the building, up several flights of clanging metal stairs, and down the catwalk to the door itself, where he'd fumbled and struggled for three minutes to unlock and open the door. All in the dark, and after an unnaturally exhausting day.

Once the door had been opened, he'd staggered in, stumbling and nearly falling forward, his sister's body flopping in his arms, then tensing and gripping him around his neck and torso. He regained balance quickly, but that didn't stop his brain from panicking and his heart from hammering. He took a couple seconds to compose himself, flicked a few locks of brown hair (his sister's and his own) out of his eyes, and closed the door with his foot. He then edged over to the light switch by the door, and tried to flip it up with his elbow.

After a few frustrating minutes of blind fumbling, Tai gave it up and peered into the darkness. He could just barely make out one large, long, rounded shape and a smaller, boxy shape just opposite it. A few seconds of peering later, he realized they were the couch and the television, respectively. There was a clear path between them, and beyond was the mouth to the hallway that lead to their room.

He shifted Kari in his arms, and made his way through the family room. On the other side of it, he walked until he bumped into a wall, then made his way over to the hallway in the dark, keeping one elbow touching the wall to help guide him. He bumped into a few hanging pictures, sending them swinging and scraping against the wall, but otherwise he made it through without hassle.

Of course, the door to his room was closed. He had to let one arm slip under Kari, hooking her against his body, to free his hand to turn the knob. He pushed the door all the way open with his knee, then wobbled in.

He had to pry her off himself. Even in her sleep, her limbs had locked themselves around him, and they weren't willing to unlock. And she was sweaty, too; she always was when she fell asleep in someone's arms. This made for a sticky, trying situation. And sometimes she woke up, and restored her grip, and that wasn't helping, either. Tai'd had to dodge her arms and legs several times before she was finally off.

As soon as she was on the bed, she rolled over, curled up into a loose fetal position, shivered, and settled back into a world of dreams. A couple minutes later she was snoring lightly.

Tai pulled the blanket up to her neck, and tucked it underneath her body.

Standing there in the dark, looking at her sleeping, he was overcome by a swell of déjà vu. He'd done this before. He'd been in this *position* before. It was a long time ago, but...

He shook his head. He knew when he'd done this before, and he didn't want to think about it. He was a different person now. He was *grown up*. He didn't think thoughts like that anymore.

*Oh?* said the voice of impetus, who'd apparently awoken and was ready to spread some doubt. *That's not what all those doujinshis in your mattress say. You have all that kinky porn in there, I know. You're a* pervert, *Tai. You'll never change, you know that.*

Tai didn't even have to argue with the voice this time. Sleep, arriving in a much bigger and much faster wave than déjà vu, washed over him, and his eyelids drooped instantly. The voice faded in the face of deadly sleep, which was slaying what alertness he had left.

He climbed up into his bunk, dropped onto the bed, shuffled under the blanket, and let sleep take him down.

As he slipped away from wakefulness, he knew that the next day would be very, very strange.

* * *

In the lower bunk, Kari gazed into the darkness, listening to the sound of her brother snoring in the bunk above her.

She laid there, staring at nothing, knowing that her night would be sleepless.

* * *

Tai was wrong. The next day wasn't simply very, very strange, it was also very, very frustrating.

Things were going wrong even before he woke up. He was only just peeling his eyes apart and batting away sleep from his brain when he noticed Kari sneaking out of their room on tiptoe. He couldn't see her face from where he lay--and probably wouldn't have been able to see her expression through his blurred eyes--but he didn't need to see it to know there was no smile there. Yesterday had been the single most socially disruptive day of either of their lives; recovery was not going to be quick in the coming.

With one eye half-open, he watched Kari carefully close the door. He waited until it had shut with the barest of *click*s before kicking away his comforter and sitting up on his bed.

Sitting there, staring blearily at the closed door, he realized he was already irritated, even though he'd only been awake for a minute and a half.

* * *

Breakfast held no improvements for the situation.

Kari sat opposite Tai at the table, carefully nibbling her food and staring stalwartly at her plate. She did this for the entirety of the meal. She only responded to their mother, who remained oblivious to what was going on (or so she let herself appear; in truth, Mrs. Kamiya was very concerned about Kari's uncharacteristic silence. She just didn't want to make a scene of it at the table, of all places).

Mr. Kamiya just sat and read the paper while he ate (he actually *was* completely oblivious). He barely glanced at either of his children. There was no noisy fuss, so he sensed no problems between them.

Tai did his best to ignore the fact that Kari was ignoring him, but found himself unable to resist glancing at her occasionally. He had to wonder--was she just embarrassed, or was she planning on avoiding him like this forever? He knew Kari could be stubborn when she wanted to be; and who could say just how stubborn she'd be about *this*?

He mentally shook himself. Surely she wouldn't make things *too* difficult. It wasn't as if she'd never talk to him again if he didn't love her like she wanted to be loved. She'd get over it, they'd forget the events of yesterday, all would be well, and life would go on.

Right?

He glanced up at Kari again, and found what little surety he'd mustered seep out of his pores. Her eyes were still locked unshakingly on her plate. She continued to eat her food like a robot, her hands going up and down in stilted, mechanical jerks. And whenever she spoke, she did so in mumbled whispers that only Mrs. Kamiya seemed to catch.

*She could keep this up for a long time,* said a nice, quiet voice in his head. He smirked bitterly; it was the good voice, back again to help him out. *She could hate you for the rest of her life, or at least until she grows up, and even then she might still be bitter. You're going to have to take care of this with some sort of grace, or you two will be at odds for a long while.*

Tai pushed his food around on his plate, suddenly unable to finish his breakfast. *So...what do I do? What* can *I do?* he thought to himself. His eyes jumped up to catch a quick glimpse of Kari before dropping back down again. *I'm in a real bind here, little voice. I could use some advice right about now...*

*I can't tell you what to do,* the voice said. *You're going to have to figure it out yourself. All I can tell you is that you don't have much time to make a decision--five days, at the most, counting today. Any more than that and the chance of her slipping away from you increases. You're going to have to make it quick; otherwise...shit may fly.*

Tai nodded, then glanced around nervously to see if anyone had seen him do so. His mother was in the kitchen, and had her back to him, his father was hidden behind the paper, and Kari was busy pretending to not know he was there. No one had seen him nodding to himself. His shoulders slumped with relief.

The relief was temporary; a couple minutes later, Kari pushed away from the table, her eyes still aimed downwards, and made her way over to her mother's side. She tugged on Mrs. Kamiya's shirt to get her attention, then muttered something to her. Mrs. Kamiya listened intently, her face set in a decidedly motherly look of concern, then nodded.

Tai watched Kari leave the apartment. He winced when the door shut. He knew there was no way he was going to get to talk to her today--and maybe that was best, for now. It would probably only aggravate the situation if he tried to push Kari too hard.

He nodded to himself again, his eyes immediately dancing around to make sure there'd been no witnesses to the action, and excused himself from the table.

* * *

Tai retreated to his room. He climbed up into his bunk, folded his arms behind his head, and stared up at the ceiling.

His mind just barely approached the subject at hand--

--Tai's eyes glazed over as his brain went into sudden shutdown. If his head had been a clock, the sound of grinding gears coming to an ugly, screaming halt would have been heard.

*Can't comprehend it, can you?* taunted that nasty little voice. *Can't wrap your head around it, huh? It's still completely impossible, isn't it? Denial has set in, and it isn't letting go. You'll never be able to make a decision about this.

*You're a failure, Tai. A screw-up. You're going to fail both yourself and your sister. You're going to mess it all up. You're a disgrace.*

*No!* he protested, even as he felt hope and comprehension slip away. *No! I can do this! I can make a good decision! I can keep this from getting out of hand! I can do this!* His eyes glazed further, and he felt the hand of dread squeeze his heart. *I can do this...I can do it...I can make a good decision...* His eyelids dropped down to half-mast. *There's hope...there's always hope...*

*Nope. You're all out.*

*Nuh-uh! I've got some right here!*

Tai's mind was suddenly filled with the image of himself, with both hands cupped and held before him. Both hands were filled with a pile of fine pink powder, in which there stood a sign with the word "HOPE" printed on it in gold.

His lids leapt up, his eyes regained their luster, and he began to laugh.

When he was done, he knew the voice was gone. Grinning, he sat up in his bed and began to ponder his situation.

He continued to ponder until the sun had set, and darkness had fallen upon Japan.

* * *

Outside, in a nearby playground, Kari sat under a slide and stared at the ground. Children of all ages jumped and ran and laughed all around her. None of them noticed her. And if any of them had, they would've gone on running and jumping and laughing, because no one likes a sourpuss--especially not children; anything that ruins a child's good time is something to be ignored and disposed of as quickly as possible.

Kari didn't mind being ignored; it's what she *wanted*. As long as he remained hidden behind this wall of senseless, childish noise she felt safe. Tai wouldn't find her, Tai probably wouldn't even come and *look* for her. He would stay at home and just waste the day away playing video games, or something just as stupid.

So. She was *safe*.

But she wasn't *happy*.

As if to prove this point, a tear slid out of her eye, down her cheek and down onto her shirt. She wiped at the trail it left, then shook her head. She couldn't cry. She couldn't despair. There was hope.

There was *always* hope.

* * *

That night, Tai waited until the night was dead in the dark, and not even the wind could be heard slapping against the building. He waited until he saw the sun peek over the edge of the horizon, and then he let his weary body drop into sleep.

He slipped into somnolence wondering why Kari hadn't come to bed.

* * *

The next day was no better than the first. In fact, it might have been worse. *Might* have been. The good and the bad managed to balance themselves out, somehow.

As soon as Tai woke up (which was around noon), he stuck his head over the edge of his bunk to look down at Kari's.

It was still perfectly made. Completely untouched.

*She must be sleeping with Mom and Dad,* he thought. *She's still avoiding me.* Anger poked at him at that thought, but he poked it back with enough force to send it wheeling in the other direction. *It's understandable. It really is. She's embarrassed. She'll get over it in time.*

Some smarter part of his mind was screaming at him that, *No*, she *wouldn't* be getting over it any time soon. It bellowed at Tai, trying to get through to the boy, trying to tell him that he couldn't try to wait it out. *Something* had to be done. And *soon*.

Tai ignored this part. He didn't feel like being smart right now. He wanted to be *stupid*. Being stupid was easier. A stupid person wasn't expected to make any crucial, life-changing decisions. A stupid person wasn't someone who was held responsible for anything. A stupid person didn't have to do anything important. A stupid person just sat around and did stupid shit.

So on Day Two, Tai decided to be stupid. *Really* stupid.

First he tried to pretend nothing had changed. He tried to have a humorous conversation with his mother. He tried to watch television with Kari. He tried to cheer her up with all his usual tricks--acting dumb, talking dumb, hurting himself (dumbly). He tried to get her to play video games with him.

Frustrating failure forced a change in tactics. His second volley of stupidity involved simply ignoring the fact that Kari was ignoring him. Unfortunately, he tried to do this while he was in the same room as his sister, and the chilly atmosphere generated by two people not saying things that should be said creeped him out. He could almost *hear* the things Kari wanted to say to him, whispered on the edge of his hearing.

Tactic Number Three involved confrontation. This tactic only lasted six minutes, because that's how long it took for Tai to start yelling and bellowing at Kari. Mrs. Kamiya spent another four minutes scolding Tai before shoving him outside, where he could "go yell and scream at the birds."

*Further* frustrated, Tai made his way up to the top of the apartment building. Echoes of his half-muttered curses and grumbling could be heard all throughout the stairwell as he trudged up, stamping his feet on each step in childish anger.

By the time he stepped out onto the roof, he'd realized that *all* his behavior that day had been childish. And, even though he technically *was* a child, he knew that he had absolutely no excuse for his actions. He was in a tough spot. He *knew* that. He also knew that he shouldn't make it any tougher. Additionally, he knew that he'd really screwed things up for himself so far.

"At least she didn't cry when I yelled at her," he said to himself as he walked over to the edge, where he draped his upper body over the railing. "She just stared and let me scream. She could've started bawling. I guess she knew I was just being stupid."

He stared glumly at the city before him. He scowled when he realized that the sun was already setting--had he really wasted that much of the day being so *stupid*? He had to fight the urge to smack himself.

He really didn't want to go back downstairs; he'd get dirty looks from his mother, blank, empty looks from his sister--and hopeless, dreadful looks from the bathroom mirror.

*Hopeless. That's my problem. I've got no hope. Even though I tell myself there's hope, I don't actually have any for myself. I can't* make *any for myself. I just don't have the will.*

"Yup. That's right. I've got no will.

"Now, what am I gonna *do* about that?"

* * *

His question, spoken but not heard by any other than himself, went unanswered until the middle of the third day--which is when he wised up, pulled his head out of his nether parts and stopped wallowing in his indecision.

He almost didn't do it. He might not have, if he hadn't been seeing Kari's blank face in his mind's eye all day. He did *not* like seeing it like that. He wanted *emotion*. Happy or sad, it didn't matter which. As long as there was *something* there.

He had to disconnect the phone in his parents bedroom and sneak it into his; he wasn't keen on this particular conversation being heard.

Once the phone was all hooked up and the door all blockaded, he dialed the number--one that was all-too-familiar to him. The tone rang six times before someone picked up.

"Matt?"

"Tai?" said the phone. "Hey, man! What's up? It's been a while."

Tai chuckled. It felt refreshing. "Yeah, it has--if you can call *four days* a while."

It was Matt's turn to chuckle. "Well, it seemed like it was a long time. Hold on." Tai heard Matt cough just to the side of the phone. "Sorry 'bout that. So, how's life?"

"Bad," Tai admitted. "Very bad."

"Oh?" Concern dropped right into Matt's voice, and suddenly Tai knew he'd done the right thing. If there was *anyone* who could help him right now, it was going to be Matt. "How so?"

"Well..." Tai bit the inside of his cheek. He hadn't exactly planned this out. "...I'm having girl troubles."

There was a pregnant pause, then Matt laughed. "Is that all?"

Tai let out a shaky snicker. "Yeah, I guess."

His friend laughed again. "You sounded like Kari had died, or something. Full of dread, y'know?"

"Yeah..." Tai had had to swallow a squeak at the mention of Kari's name. "It's just...things are difficult."

"Well, they kinda are with girls." Tai could *feel* Matt grinning on the other side of the phone, and couldn't help but grin himself. "So...what's your problem, exactly? It can't possibly be as bad as you think."

*If only you knew,* Tai thought. *Scratch that, actually. I hope you* never *find out about this, Matt. Never.*

"Well...this girl likes me, right? And I don't know what to do."

"What do you mean, you don't know what to do? C'mon, Tai, you're not becoming shy on me, are you?"

"No, but--"

"Then I don't see the problem--unless you don't like her back."

"Well, see, that's the problem. I don't *know* whether I like her or not."

Another pause. "Wow, Tai. I don't think I'd ever imagined you making so little sense."

Tai rolled his eyes. "I know, I know. It sounds pretty stupid--"

"Yup."

"--but that's the way it is."

"How can you not know?"

"I just--" Tai's mouth snapped shut, then opened again. "--I just *don't*. If I go ahead and be with her, and make her happy...well, things could get tricky."

"Tai, Sora's mom doesn't dislike you *that* much."

Tai blinked. Then he blinked again. Then he blinked one more time.

"*What*?"

Matt sighed, his breath blowing across the receiver and sending a burst of static into Tai's ear. "Look, it's obvious you're talking about Sora. Let's cut the crap, okay?"

Tai, stunned into silence, could only nod. Then he realized that nods did *not* translate over the phone, and managed to mumble an "okay" in reply.

"All right, now that *that's* out of the way...we both know that Sora has a thing for you. And I'll be damned if I didn't think you had one for her, too--only I guess you're not sure, or something." Matt's tone now spoke of a frown instead of a grin. "Look, if you're not going to grow some guts when it comes to girls, you're never going to get *anywhere* in life. You've got to learn how to handle these kinds of things."

"Okay," Tai mumbled again.

"And Sora's mom wouldn't mind you and Sora being together. I know she doesn't like Sora playing soccer all the time, and she doesn't like that her little girl plays with *you*, but she doesn't *despise* you or anything. Just don't bring up soccer, or wear the uniform around her, and you'll be fine. All right?"

"Okay. I'll...I'll grow some guts."

"Good. That's what I want to hear."

They spent the next ten minutes discussing video games. Then Tai lied and said he had to go eat dinner. He hung up the phone with the feeling that all the dread that had washed away at the sound of Matt's voice was slowly rushing back at him. Matt hadn't understood at *all*--although that really wasn't surprising. He hadn't told him everything. And if he had...things would have only gotten more complicated.

*Grow some guts,* his mind repeated. *That doesn't sound like a bad idea, now does it?*

Suddenly, dams were erected around Tai, and the dread was halted.

"No, it doesn't sound bad at all..."

* * *

Day four. The Apocalypse neared.

Tai could feel the pressure pressing down on him. In the apartment, it was completely inescapable. He wasn't even safe in his bedroom--he felt the crush of indecision and isolation there, too.

So he left the house, ignoring the queries of his mother and the unnervingly quiet presence of his sister as he exited. He *had* to get out. If he stuck around, he wouldn't get anywhere, and he wouldn't be able to salvage his situation.

He tried not to think of anything as he wound his way down to street level. It seemed to work, because when he blinked he was walking down a sidewalk. He decided to continue this tactic, and just let his feet take him wherever they pleased.

When he arrived at the entrance to Kichigaisakka Park, he was almost surprised. Almost. Somehow, in a twisted way, it was just what he'd been expecting.

He entered the park--which was empty today, not a person in sight--and let his feet lead the way again.

*A date...* he thought. *She was trying to take me on a date...no, she* did *take me on a date...I just didn't realize it...*

He walked through the area where the game booths had been. Even though it was just a stretch of blank concrete now, he could still remember where the water gun game had stood. He grinned as he remembered the way Kari had looked like a little warrior when she'd played...and then he grinned even wider when he remembered how he'd taken care of little Davie after the little snot had assaulted his precious sibling.

Then he remembered something else, and he sent his feet into overdrive. There was something he'd forgotten...something they'd *both* forgotten...

He slipped right onto the path--the same path that had been so bustling and full and violent less than a week ago--and began to run.

He took a hard right, almost tipping over with the speed of the turn, and dashed into the food court.

Twelve seconds later he was standing next to the table he and Kari had dined at. Amusingly enough, their plates were still there, his empty, hers half-covered by a petrified piece of pizza. A couple flies had settled onto the crust and were happily nibbling on it.

Tai ducked down to look under the table.

Nothing.

He pushed the chairs aside, almost knocking one over.

Nothing.

He stood, examined his surroundings, spied the nearby foliage, and nearly dived in. His hands groped blindly in the greenery, earning himself cuts and scratches across his forearms. He flailed, and groped, and searched, and hunted--

Nothing.

No, wait, there it was. Just under the branches.

He dug it out, trying to be as gentle as he could. He didn't want to damage it.

After a minute of careful extraction, he finally pulled it out of the bushes. He knocked a few twigs and leaves and burrs off it, and held it at arm's length.

He frowned as he examined it. The noxious pink bear appeared to have taken quite a beating in the past few days. Someone had stepped on it--several someones, if all the different shoe treads were any evidence--and it was tattered around the edges. Some of the lace on the too-bright yellow dress had become stretched and undone, and its back was lightly coated with mud.

*But it's still in one piece. There aren't even any holes. The stitching's still good. All it needs is a good washing.*

"Which is *exactly* what I'm going to give you, little bear." Tai grinned at it. "I'm going to give you a good washing, and then I'll give you back to *her*.

"And maybe it'll make things just a little bit better..."

* * *

"What are you doing with my laundry?"

Tai's head popped up from behind the pile of damp clothes that was heaped in his arms. When he saw his mother standing at the door of the washroom, his eyes widened.

"Um...helping?"

Mrs. Kamiya's eyebrows rose slightly as her face formed a look of incredulous disbelief. "Are you, now?"

"Um...yes," Tai said. It wasn't *quite* a lie...he hoped.

Her look became stern, and it held for a couple seconds before it faded. She could read her son like a book, and right now he read: I'm doing something I don't want you to know about. It's nothing bad, but it's embarrassing. Please go away. Right now. Please.

"Finish what you're doing and meet me in your room, all right? We need to talk."

Tai nodded eagerly, his chin bouncing off a pair of pink shorts. *Anything* to get his mother out of there; thank God he'd left the bear on the floor behind him. "I'll be there in a second!" he said to her back as he rushed to close the door. "Just a second!"

Once it was shut, he shoved the heap into the dryer, turned it on, and dashed over to the bear. He needed to do this fast; he wasn't keen on getting caught again. He quickly read the washing instructions on the bear's tag, adjusted the washer accordingly, and tossed the bear in.

That done, he felt an odd sense of relief. Just hearing the sound of the rushing water seemed to make him feel lighter on his feet. Things were finally coming together.

Nodding to himself, he left the washroom.

* * *

His relief drooped considerably when he entered his bedroom. His mother was giving him one of *those* looks. It was a look with enough force to melt eyeballs and boil blood. She didn't use it much, but when she did...

Tai felt sweat form on his skin. "You wanted to talk?"

Mrs. Kamiya nodded. Her look did not waver--not even as Tai sat down next to her on the bottom bunk.

"So..." Tai ventured, to complete silence. "What are we going to talk ab--"

"What did you do to Kari?"

Tai's eyes widened. "Nothing!"

"Then what did you say to her?"

"Nothing!" Lies. All lies.

"Did you do something and not realize it affected her?"

"No!"

"Then *what's wrong with her*?" She was crying now, tiny tears sliding down her cheeks. "She's not talking to anyone but me, she's hardly eating, she sleeps with your father and I but she doesn't do any *sleeping*, there's no expression on her face anymore and and and and *don't you have any idea what's wrong with her*?!" This last was half-moan, half-scream, and sent Tai scrabbling to the other side of the bed. "Don't you have *any clue*?!"

Tai stared at her, frightened, his mind scrambling to assemble a lie, something misleading, deceptive, underhanded--whatever it took to get her off his back.

But then something inside of him shook its head, swept all that aside, and told him to just fess up. It was likely Common Sense that did it.

"Yes," he whispered.

"Yes? *Yes*? Yes *what*?"

"I know what's wrong."

His mother stared at him.

"You do?"

"Yes."

There was a pause.

Then--

"Can you tell me?"

Tai's gaze slid to the side. "No."

"Why not?"

"I can't."

"Why?"

"Because..." Tai swallowed, and kept his eyes averted. "Because Kari wouldn't want me to."

She was supposed to scream at him, tell him off, maybe slap him for being stupid--any little angry thing would do.

Instead, she nodded. Tai saw it at the very edge of his vision. She nodded, and bit her lip, and wiped at her leaky eyes.

"Well, that's alright, then. If Kari wouldn't want you to, you shouldn't." She picked at the edge of her shirt for a couple seconds, then said "Is there anything you can do to help her?"

Tai's expression soured. He'd been wondering that himself. "I'm going to do my best."

Another nod. "That's all anyone should expect from you, Tai. Your very best." She gave him a small smile. His gaze was drawn back to her face by it. It almost made him burst into tears; it was full of hope and sadness and *love*--things he felt he was greatly lacking--and it was just *erupting* from her smile. "Is there anything your father and I could do to help you?"

"Probably not. Just...just leave us alone. I--" He licked his lips; when had they become so *dry*? "I think we can handle this."

Mrs. Kamiya nodded. "And if you can't...?"

"Then we'll come to you."

She patted his shoulder. "That's a good boy." She stood up, wiping her eyes, which had started to drip again. "You do your best, Tai. Don't let your sister down, all right? I *hate* seeing her like this."

Tai's voice was hardly there. "So do I..."

His mother walked over to the door, then spun around suddenly, the doorknob locked in her shaking grip.

"You'll let me know if anything happens, won't you?"

He nodded.

She returned the nod, her lip caught between her teeth, and left the room.

Tai, alone again, just stared at his hands.

* * *

He continued to stare until he heard the blare of the washer's buzzer. Startled out of his still and silent activity, he rushed out of his room, down the hall, and into the washroom.

Tai pulled the heap of clothes back out and piled them on top of the dryer, wrinkling his nose at the smell of the wet clothing, and at the slimy way it felt in his arms; sixteen minutes in the machine hadn't done much in the way of actual drying.

He gingerly drew the bear out of the washer. It was sopping wet, its neon-pink fur matted down in clumps. It seemed to weigh about thirty pounds now, and Tai almost dropped it a couple times on his way to the dryer.

Once the bear was safely tumbling around in the dryer, he let out a huge, wispy sigh and sat down on the top of the machine. He felt exhausted, mind, body and soul. The past couple of days seemed to have drained him of energy, and he was only now feeling the effects.

*It'll be all over tomorrow,* he told himself. *You only have to hold on until tomorrow. You can do it, and you know it. You can hold on 'til then. You can do it. You know it. It'll all be over tomorrow...* He closed his eyes. *Just hold on, don't slip up now. Everything will be alright. As long as you keep your head, nothing will go wrong. So hold on, Tai. Hold on.*

The dryer's buzzer screamed behind him, and he jumped right off the appliance and landed hard on the linoleum. Startled and shaken, he stared at the machine. Surely time hadn't passed *that* quickly...

But it had. He knew it as soon as he opened the dryer door, and hot air spilled out onto his face. Somehow he'd passed an hour telling himself to keep calm and hold on. It had felt like five minutes, but it had been so much longer...

"I must be going nuts," he muttered to himself. "I must be going *crazy*."

Crazy or not, the bear *was* dry. The fur was soft and fluffy again, and the yellow dress seemed to glow. Light shone off all the little sequins and sparkles, nearly blinding Tai.

*It's beautiful again,* he thought.

Grinning, he tucked the bear under his arm and left the washroom.

* * *

Back in his room, he propped the bear up at one end of his bed and sat down cross-legged at the other.

He stared at the bear.

It stared back with its ^ eyes and blank grin.

Tai's mouth screwed up into a half-scowl, and he crossed his arms over his chest. He continued to stare at the bear, waiting for some Divine Influence to smack him over the head and give him the answers.

The bear continued to stare back--and Divine Influence kept quiet.

Tai sighed. The bear tilted, then flopped onto its side.

"Well, this is going *nowhere*," he muttered. "But that's no surprise, is it? I haven't gone *anywhere* in the last few days--why should anything happen today?" He glared at the bear. "The only thing I have to show for my time is a great big ugly bear--and it *hasn't done me any good*!" He was yelling now, his hands crooked into claws, his eyes fierce with anger. "It hasn't done me any good! *Nothing's* done me any good! I can't do *anything* good! I can't--"

He clutched at his face with his hands, and toppled forward, his head pushing down into the mattress. He began to toss his head from side to side, trying to shake all the shit out of his brain. His hair flopped madly in the air and splayed across the bed.

"I've got to stop this, I've got to *think*." He forced his head to stop moving, and was startled to find his heart was hammering and his breath was short. He took a few thick gasps, then pushed himself back into a sitting position.

"Alright, enough messing around. I've defeated monsters made of *computer data* who wanted to *kill me*, I've traveled through a world that *doesn't actually exist* and returned home just fine, and one time, I had my sister's angel protector shoot an *arrow of light* through *my body* so *my* dinosaur protector could transform into a *super-powerful creature* to defeat another super-powerful creature who was bent on *destroying the world*. If I can go through all that with hardly a scratch, I can do *this*. I can make a *decision*."

His eyes fell on the bear. He reached over and sat it up again.

"I can *do* this," he said to it. "I can."

And he did.

* * *

The fifth day arrived, and the sun rose--then it peaked, hanging high in the sky. Then it dropped, and began to sink behind the horizon, the world slowly became dark and tinged with blue.

Tai hardly left his room that day. He came out for breakfast, and a shower, and then he retreated back inside, and closed the door. He just sat on his bed and held the bear, and waited for the courage he needed to manifest in his soul.

It was a slow build-up, and it wasn't helped by how aware Tai had become of Kari's presence in the apartment. The floor just outside his door would squeak a certain way, and he would know it was her. He knew when she went to the bathroom; she was the only one who closed and locked the door every time she went in. And he knew when she was eating, because now she ate alone, after their parents had eaten. He knew even more--he swore he could track her every movement in the building--but he couldn't explain *how* he knew.

And knowing was certainly not helping. Every time he became aware of her, his slowly-growing stockpile of courage leaked a little, and his heart became just a little bit heavier. He knew, too, that the heavier it got, the harder it would be to get up off his bed and do what he had to do--what he'd *decided* to do.

He tried to distract himself, keep his mind off his sister, but she was always there, wherever he turned. He turned to outside influences--but looking at hentai doujinshi only made him more nervous about what could happen later, and reading regular manga was just as annoying.

*Why do these things have to be so full of relationships?* he thought grumpily, tossing his copy of *Negima!* across the room. *Stupid manga writers and their stupid loneliness...*

Irked, he looked out the window. The sky was dark blue slowly fading to black--*nighttime*. Around the time when Kari left their parents' room and had dinner.

Tai checked his courage stockpile, and nodded. This was as good as he was going to get. It was now or never.

The sound of feet on floor filled his ears, and his eyes jumped to the bottom of the door, where yellow light spilled into his darkened room in a long, thin rectangle. He listened to the sound of the feet, and watched the light. His breath sucked in when he saw the rectangle broken by shafts of shadow, which shuttered the light before disappearing completely.

He continued to listen, because, despite the demands he put on his body, it would not move. He wasn't even breathing anymore.

*Get* up, *you idiot! This is it! This is the end! Go! GO!* screamed the little voice and the voice of impetus all at once. *GO! This is your one and only chance! GET UP YOU IDIOT!*

He stood, moving stiffly, his body in turmoil--to move, or not to move, what a damned silly little question. If thou dost not move, thou shalt not get anywhere, thou dumb bastard! Get thou ass in gear!

Once he was standing, he stuffed the bear under his pillow, carefully tucked it out of sight, and headed for the door.

It was hard to open. His wrist wouldn't turn. In fact, it seemed he didn't have a wrist. The bones there had fused together. He couldn't open the door.

*Just open the door, wuss.*

His wrist turned--oh my, the bones *hadn't* fused!--he pushed the door open, and slipped out into the hallway.

Squinting in the light, he slowly made his way down the hall. The living room at the other end was pitch black except for a faint, fuzzy blob of soft yellow light, coming from the door to the kitchen. He moved with a purpose, his every step launching him closer and closer to his goal--and his fate.

He slid into the dark, and disappeared. Seconds later, he reappeared on the edge of the light, his features cast in soft, deep shadows. He hesitated at the kitchen entrance, then pulled himself together and stepped through.

Her back was to him, and for that he was grateful. He didn't think he would've been able to do what he'd come to do if she'd caught sight of him immediately.

The room was lit with a couple candles--the scented kind Mrs. Kamiya kept around the kitchen to counter the smell of trash, rotten food, a smelly sink or Mr. Kamiya's cooking. Their light flickered and wavered, and the room was alive with shuddering shadows. The smell of flowers wafted through the room, present but not overpowering.

Tai was just thinking how surreal it all seemed--the ominous shadows and the welcoming odor--when she turned around and saw him.

He saw her, and he laughed. He couldn't help it--and he knew she almost couldn't, either. He could see her trying desperately to keep her face stony and expressionless. She wanted to laugh, but she also wanted to keep her composure.

Her face eventually settled into irritation. She just looked at him, her eyes and face and mouth pulled into annoyance.

"Jelly," Tai finally said. "On your chin. And both of your cheeks. And on your upper lip." He had to cover his mouth to keep from laughing again.

Kari rolled her eyes, grabbed her napkin off the kitchen counter and wiped her face clean. Then she turned her back to him again, and returned to her peanut-butter-and-jelly sandwich.

Tai stared at her back, his eyes taking in her brown hair, ruffled and unbrushed, and her pink pajamas--her favorite pair--which were equally ruffled, as if she'd been wearing them for a while. All day, maybe.

"We have to talk."

Kari froze. She turned to look at him, her eyes wide. There was jelly on her face again, but Tai didn't laugh at it. Now was not the time for laughing.

"We do?" Kari said, absently wiping the jelly off her chin. Her eyes never left her brother.

Tai nodded. "It's very important."

Kari's eyes dropped to the floor, then bounced back up to Tai's face.

"Right now?"

Tai almost said 'you can finish your sandwich first,' but he knew he shouldn't. He wouldn't. Because he couldn't wait any longer. And neither could she. He knew it.

"Right now." He turned half-way away from her, and gestured with two fingers. "Come on. Let's go to our room." He saw her hesitation, and pounced on it immediately. "If we talk here, Mom and Dad might hear us. C'mon."

He could see her trying to escape. She didn't know if she wanted to stay or to go--to hear or to ignore.

Then her eyes settled on him, and she nodded, and stepped up next to him.

"Let's go," she whispered.

* * *

Tai's room was bright with moonlight when they entered. Turning on the light would have been a redundancy.

Tai sat on the bottom bunk. He gently sat Kari next to him. She edged away from him a little, but he didn't mind. It was understandable. He was beyond being irritated by such little things right now. All he saw was the big picture; he was blind to all else.

Silence ruled for a minute and a day. Awkwardness plagued the air.

"Kari, I've been thinking about what you said to me a few days ago..." he began. He saw Kari cringe in the corner of his eye, and paused, letting her fear and unease wane a little, then continued. "You know, I *say* thinking, but that really doesn't cut it. I've been..." He licked his lips. "I've been *considering* it." He frowned. "That doesn't sound much better, does it? Dammit..." He shook his head, and noticed, with great happiness, that Kari was looking at him almost normally now. "Alright. I guess 'considering' will have to do. I've been considering what you said...you know...about...you...*you* know..."

He wanted her to say it, because he knew he couldn't. She disappointed him.

"Well, um, I've sorta come to a decision. Kind of. Okay, I sorta came to *two* decisions. One of 'em is...like, *different* from the other, and--" He shut his mouth and scowled. Dammit. He was screwing it all up. He looked at Kari, and her face was full of confusion.

Tai let out a big sigh, and shook his head. "Alright, I know I'm not making much sense right now, but hang with me, okay? I've got a decision to make, and there's two ways I can do it, and what I need, what I need from *you*, Kari, is the answer to a question. Just one question. It has to be the most honest and truthful answer you *EVER* make in your *entire* life, alright?

"And *then* I can make a decision."

More silence. Evil, evil silence.

Which was broken by Kari's own sigh.

Tai looked at her, and now *he* was the one trying to keep his face blank. Hers was full of emotions--fear, anxiety, indecision, but also lots and lots of hope.

There was always hope.

"What..." Kari cleared her throat. Tai watched her expressionlessly. "What's the question?"

"The question is..." He closed his eyes and bowed his head. "The question...the question is--"

Time slowed. Kari kept her eyes on Tai, watching his lips and waiting for his words.

"--the question is: 'Just how exactly do you love me, Kari?'"

Time came back to full speed, and now brother and sister were staring at each other, neither blinking, both thinking. Both could feel the weight of whatever Kari would say next.

After several minutes, she spoke.

"Tai...I love you because you're my brother, and I love you because you're always there for me--even if you're a little late sometimes--and I love you because you're funny, and I love you because you're strong, and courageous, and smart, and you never give up on your friends. I love you because you never let anything get in the way of protecting people you love, and because you're always so happy when other people are happy." She smiled, and Tai had to fight fiercely to keep from smiling right with her. "And I love you because I know you'll never stop protecting me, and loving me, even if this whole situation goes wrong. I love you because I know you'll never stop caring.

"But, really, I think I just love you because you're Tai."

Silence, for half a minute. Then Tai sniffed, and wiped the tears off his face. Kari, smiling gently, took his hand and patted it--which only sent the waterworks back into gear.

It took Tai two minutes to stop crying. When he was done, he squeezed his sister's hand and let it go.

"Well," he began, "I guess that's that." He smiled at Kari--it was an odd smile, full of restraint--and bit his lip. "Kari, in the bathroom at the park, you asked me a question--sort of--and I said I couldn't give an answer. Do you remember what you asked?"

Kari slowly shook her head, and licked her dry lips. "No, I'm sorry, I don't."

Tai grinned again, and this time his teeth showed. "Well, I do. You said 'You don't love me, either, right?'. Those were your *exact* words. And I mumbled something about not knowing, not being sure, something stupid like that. I didn't have an answer for you, then." He looked into her eyes, and he could see the anticipation there--and the fear.

"But I do now, Kari. I've got an answer for you." He let out a chuckle. "Kind of. Sort of."

Kari said nothing. She was waiting for him to continue.

"Well, Kari, I love you. I think I love you in almost every way that you love me--*almost*. I say 'almost' because...because I don't think I really understand just how deep your love for me goes."

Deep breath.

"But I wouldn't mind finding out."

There it was. Decision made. There was no turning back now.

Kari was just sitting there on the edge of the bed, staring at him. She wasn't breathing, or blinking, or even thinking. She was only *absorbing*, and trying to understand all the information that was rushing into her brain.

When it clicked, she pounced him.

They laughed together, Tai trying--not too hard--to keep Kari from crushing him with hugs, Kari with her arms flailing and her fingers clutching at his shirt, unintentionally tickling him and making him squirm and giggle. He let his own fingers waggle in her armpits--and Kari's whole body curled up on itself, and she kicked him, and he pushed her away and they both fell off the bed.

The drop to the floor seemed to knock the sense back into both of them, and when they got back onto the bed they were just a little more serious.

Kari looked at Tai. Tai looked at Kari.

Kari slid onto Tai's lap and hugged him around the neck. Tai slid an arm around her waist and placed his other hand on her knee. Kari's head dropped onto Tai's chest, and Tai's chin settled in her hair.

They closed their eyes as one, and held one another. Both could feel all the pressure of the last few days evaporate away, leaving them lighthearted and lightheaded. Giddiness overtook them, and they smiled. At that moment, all of Tokyo could have gone up in flames, and neither of them would've cared.

Because they were *happy*.

They sat like that for several minutes, basking in each other's bliss, which seemed to radiate from their bodies like heat. Nothing could be sweeter.

*Nothing*.

* * *

Kari's eyes slowly opened, and gazed at the room, which was splashed with blue-white moonlight. She blinked a couple times, squinched her eyes closed, and looked up at her brother--who looked back down at her with a smile on his lips.

She smiled back. "I love you, Tai."

"I love you, too, Kari." He grinned. "Dunno what that means anymore, but I know it's what I feel."

Kari giggled. "Same here."

A bit of silence--but a good silence, full of warmth.

"You know, we can't take this too far. There are...you know...some things that...y'know, some things that we can't do...*you* know..." He looked at her with a sheepish grin on his face. "Catch my drift?"

Kari rolled her eyes. "You mean sex, right?" She laughed when her brother's whole body stiffened--everything but a very specific, very special part, which remained limp. "I know we can't do *that*. That'd be *silly*."

Tai relaxed. "Just, you know, just making sure. Can't be too careful." He was blushing, Kari could see it, and he knew she knew. "Besides, that kiss you gave me was kinda...I don't know, suspicious. Kinda." His eyes traveled away from his sister's--

--and were promptly brought back by her fingers gripping his nose. His eyes rolled around, focused on his nose, and crossed. Then he looked up at Kari, blinking slowly.

"Woulb you blease led go ub my nobe?"

She gave him an impish smile. "Only if you'll forget that I kissed you."

Tai's forehead wrinkled with confusion. "Forgeb aboud id? Why?"

"Because I shouldn't have done it."

"Bud..." He looked at her a little longer, then nodded. "Alrighd. I'll forgeb aboud id. Now can you blease led go? It's starting to hurb."

She let go--and kissed him on the cheek. "Thank you."

Tai gave her a Look, then shook his head. "You're confusing."

"Nuh-uh."

"Uh-huh."

"Nuh-uh."

"Uh-huh."

"Meanie."

"Brat."

"Snot."

"Idiot."

"Silly little girl."

"Stupid old man."

"I'm not old!"

She stuck her tongue out at him--and he grabbed it.

"Listen, Kari--hey, stop struggling, I'm trying to talk here!" He poked her nose with a finger, then waggled it in her face. She stopped trying to free her tongue from his hand and just sat their and listened--albeit grudgingly. "Kari, there's only so far we can go with this. You know? And...and eventually it'll have to end." There. He'd said it. He hadn't wanted to, but he had, because it was important. Now, for the terrible and destructive backlash--

--which didn't come.

Kari pried his fingers off her tongue, spat a few times, then gave him an impatient look. "Let's not think about that, okay, Tai? Let's just try to do this as long as we can, okay?" She gave him another hug, and he could *feel* the happiness pulsing through his body. "I just want to be happy..."

Tai smiled, and placed his hand on her head. "Alright. Just so you know--oh! Get up a sec, I gotta get something for you." He waited until Kari had pulled away before rolling over to his pillow and dragging the bear out into the air.

Kari's eyes widened. "You...you found it?"

Tai nodded. "Went back to the park yesterday and got it. I had to wash the dirt out, and it's a bit scruffy now, but--oof!" He bent over, the force of Kari's glomp having knocked the air out of him.

"Tai, you're so *sweet*!" She unlocked her arms and carefully drew the bear from his hands--then crushed it in a hug. "I can't believe you remembered it! I thought it was gone for good!" She gave him another hug, this time with only one arm (the other was full of stuffed bear). "You're the greatest!"

Tai's sense of self worth: 177% and rising. He hugged her back--

--just as he caught sight of his clock. '11:02' was displayed in bright green liquid crystal. His eyes widened.

"Kari...it's almost midnight. We should get to bed."

Kari pouted. "But I wanna stay up and--" Her next word was cut off by a massive yawn; exhaustion was quickly catching up with her. When she came back out of the yawn, her eyelids were drooping. She gave Tai a tired smile. "I guess it'll have to wait 'til tomorrooooooow..." She fought the yawn back down and took her brother's hand. "C'mon, let's sleep together tonight. We haven't done that since I was..." She closed one eye and stuck her tongue between her teeth as she thought. "...four, or five, or somethiiiiiii..." She let the yawn run its course while Tai slid under the covers. "...ing. Scoot over a little." She rolled across the mattress until her back came to rest against Tai's chest. She snuggled up against him, and his arms slid around her almost automatically.

Five minutes later Kari was snoring and Tai was on the brink of sleep. He didn't want to go just yet, though; his brain was only now catching up with what had happened in the last hour.

*Kari and I are...* The words "boyfriend" and "girlfriend" came to mind, but were promptly deemed unsuitable and banished. *We're closer. We love each other very much. We...* Sleep pulled at him, and his eyelids fluttered. *We started something new today. I don't think either of us know what we're in for, or what we're doing, but I know that, no matter what, we'll always love each other.*

*Because that's what brothers and sisters do.*

Sleep swept him away, and he drifted into dreamland with a smile on his face.

~~

~~

Dread and Kari

And to The One

Angel

An Idiot

Anonymous

anon.

AnironUndomiel

A Voice In Tai's Head

Aya

Chibi-Cute Nekomon

ChibiRenamon

CyberDramon

Daniel/Ruhe/Floramon/Mewtwo/Et cetera, et cetera

DarkEdge

Duce

Hazan Z

Hentai-yuri03

Inferno66

Keaton the Black Jackal

Keeper of Time

Jean

Jiece18

J.K.

Lar-Lar

Matelk

me

Mistic-knight

more

Mr. Faramir

Ms. Pumpermelon

NekoDramon

Peter Kim

Razzie

Red Knight3

Samantha-1434

Slash the Donut-Eating Freak

Sonimon

Stranger

Sugar Snaps a lot

Taichi Kamiya/The Digital Dragon

Tazer

the dreaded blah

TheReclaimer

TheRumorWeed/Shinya Kyoto

ThunderEchoes

Tiamat/Ancient Veemon

Trunks49203

Trupan234

UnknownH

urban dream

Vigatus

Waru the Magnificently Meh

Anyone Who Cared

And

Whoever I May Have Forgotten

Mwaaaaaaaaaaah! The story is finished! Finished! Ended! Concluded! Completed! And other words with similar meanings!

Now for Author's Notes! Which will be really long, too! Because, after all the time I've taken to write this, I've naturally got a lot to say! So, if you wanna hear my thoughts, keep on reading. If not...close the browser, go back a page, whatever. Just get outta here.

...gyah! It's finished! ^_________^

~This Took Me *Forever*~

Oh. My. Gentle. Jesus.

*holds up a Word file* This here is the original IJLY file. It contains the original plot outline for the story you have just read--the very very *VERY* first inklings of this 75-page monstrosity.

This Genesis File is dated July 14, 2003.

Today, the day I have finally completed the story that I have considered, at various times, to be both a bane and a blessing, is May 16, 2004.

That means that it took me approximately *297 days* to write IJLY. Two hundred. Ninety. Seven. *Days*. A little over two months short of a full year.

"What does this all mean?" you ask. "What the hell is your point, you crazy-ass writer-type person?" you say.

I'll tell you what it means.

It means I'm a really. Really. *REALLY* slow writer.

*watches as everybody reading facefaults*

Okay, it's not just that. ^^;;; I *am* slow, though. I mean...297 days? For 75 pages? My initial reaction after calculating the days was "What the *fuck*?!" But, then I looked back on those ten months, and I realized a couple things:

1) I was writing a *helluva* lot. There was this story, another story that's presently at 62 pages, two short stories (one 11 pages, the other 14), "On the Edge of Silence" (17 pages), a failed story (1/3 of a page, and several days of frustration), the beginning of yet *another* story (3 and a 1/2 pages), a lemon (11 pages) and the start of a request fic that has to be rewritten (3 pages). That's approximately 197 pages, and I'm not counting other, even *less* successful stories, nor school assignments and random scribbles/notes/what-have-you (if I did count them, the number would likely double). That's a lot of writing, and sometimes I'd switch from IJLY to these other projects and let dust gather on the pages. No wonder it took me forever to get this finished.

2) I was in a couple of relationships while I was writing this. Those things tend to do funny things to you--especially when they end, and you sink into a depression, and stop writing. Delays, delays, delays.

3) Coloring. Sometimes I'd switch from writing to coloring, mostly when I was frustrated, and felt I couldn't get anywhere with the writing. Coloring is a good way to break away from the written word and focus on something entirely different. Every now and then I would have to go through "Color Therapy" before I could return to writing.

4) Sheer, utter laziness. Terrible thing, very evil. And sneaky. Very sneaky. >_>

Conclusion: writing IJLY took me forever, but it's because of outside forces, and not, I repeat, NOT, because I am slow writer. This is what I will tell myself until the day I die. *nods*

~Story Origins~

Okay, enough rambling! Let's focus! If anyone's reading, that is... >_<

Back to that Genesis File! It went a little (or a lot) like this:

~Begin Genesis File~

[Establisher: Tai looking at pornography. Kari bursts into the room and he is forced to hide it. Kari asks him if he'll take her to the park, because there is a carnival being held there. Tai says whatever, just get out of my room! Kari leaves, smiling to herself. Tai breathes a sigh of relief and stashes the porn in the hole in his mattress.]

It should be 01 Kari romancing 01 Tai by taking him out on a date without him actually knowing. Then, when they're in private near the end, she kisses him (tongue and all), simultaneously stunning and arousing him. He gets hard and breaks the kiss, wondering what the hell is wrong with him.

Kari, frightened that she'd gone too far, runs away from a shellshocked Tai. It takes the boy three minutes to realize that A) his sister has run away, B) she could have been kidnapped or raped or...or...ANYTHING by now, and C) he has to find her, and fast.

Tai runs after Kari, looking for her all over, his head snapping this way and that, looking for her every which way. He gets paranoid, seeing child molesters everywhere, brutal murderers in the nooks and crannies and behind him. He runs around, pushing people out of the way as he searches desperately for his sister.

Tai finds Kari inside the girl's bathroom. He gets weird looks when he enters, but he ignores them.

Kari is crying when Tai finds her. She enters his embrace almost immediately, apologizing profusely. Tai asks her why she did what she did, and she replies with "I just love you so much, Tai, I j-j-j-just LOVE YOU!" She screams these last two words, and they echo in the confines of the bathroom.

~End Genesis File~

...and, as you can see, the story followed this original outline pretty closely, but new and more interesting things developed over the course of the actual writing, and I just let things flow, as usual. Things like June and Davis's cameo, the water gun game, the bear, and pretty much all of Act III were generated during the writing. I am very friendly with spontaneity. ^^

Spontaneity is probably also guilty of making IJLY so damn long. God bless it. This story wouldn't be half the tale that it is without it. ^^

~Story Mood Swings~

After a good re-reading of the story, I've come to realize that it suffers from story mood swings (SMS).

SMS is where the story seems to jump from happy to sad to happy to sad and on and on. This occurs constantly throughout the story, but it can be measured on a grander scale. If you were, for instance, to look hard at each act, you'd notice that Act I is bright and happy, Act II is slightly darker and very frantic, and Act III is thoughtful and emotional (at least, I'd like to think so). Clearly, the story suffered from major mood swings--which may or not be a bad/good thing. I haven't quite figured it all out. Yet. ^^;;;;;;;;;;

~Why There's No Lemon~

I couldn't do it. It didn't seem right to make this a lemon.

And that is all I have to say about that.

~Musical Influence~

You may have noticed the White Stripes song lyrics at the end of each act, and the fact that each act is named after these songs. This is because the Stripes heavily influenced me during the writing, and I wanted to acknowledge that by christening each act with the song I felt best suited the specific material. They don't fit perfectly to the story, but they *do* represent overall themes.

Unfortunately, the Stripes can get pretty old sometimes, and I've had to break away from them from time to time. Over the course of writing the story, I've also listened to Alien Ant Farm, The Offspring, Linkin Park, Tool, and Daft Punk. An eclectic choice of music for an eclectic writer writing an eclectic story. ^^

~References~

I make lots of references to lots of things. Now I'll point them out, because no one really seems to notice 'em. ^^;

1) Submission Saturn: one of those Black Dog hentai doujins where one of the Sailor Scouts gets molested (and much much more) by tentacles and various other creepy things. If you can't guess which Scout gets it in this specific doujin, you must be rock stupid.

2) Kichigaisakka Park: "kichigaisakka" means, loosely, "crazy writer"--which is something you'd have to be to write a story like this for this many pages. ^^;;;; Originally just a reference to the silliness of the author for writing about such odd subject matter.

3) Final Fantasy VIII: my first FF game, and the best on the PSOne--in spots, at least. It had a real sucky Chocobo game, but the Junction system rocked. ^^;;;

4) The bear: Ugh. I've seen/held/carried a bear that looked exactly like this one, and when I did, I felt exactly like Tai did--really, really embarrassed. It was really creepy bear, too; its face was so...weird. O_O;;;;

5) The clown in the silver suit (with the orange pompoms): this is a horribly obvious reference to Stephen King's *It*. The clown, known as Pennywise (and It, and Robert Gray, and...), looked exactly like the clown described in this story. The major difference between them? The clown from the King book would've bitten Tai's nose off or something, then changed into Myotismon and scared the piss out of him. Something like that.

6) The blue-skinned man: this apparition, which Kari thinks she sees, is supposed to be a post-traumatic reference to Myotismon. I didn't quite pull it off very well, but it served its purpose. ^^;;;

~Thank You's~

I'd like to thank anyone who's read this story and enjoyed it. I do this for you--and myself, but mostly for you. And myself. :P

Fanfiction.net people: I love you. Every one of you. Even the guy who said "a lemon is sex stupid" (coincidentally my first reviewer). But I'd especially like to thank Lar-Lar and and Samantha-1434. You guys have said some of the nicest things about my work. Thank you!

Mediaminer.org people: you amuse me. Overall rating: 10?! You must be nuts! :P Seriously, though, thank you guys, too--particularly An Idiot, Mistic-Knight, and Atkinboy. You stuck with me from pretty early in the game, and I'm glad that you made it to the end. ^^ Hope it wasn't disappointing... >_>

DHZ people: bless ya, every one o' ya. 'specially Duce, Waru, urban and the Digital Dragon. I know I'm a bit odd sometimes, but you seem to have dealt with it well. ^^

DaD people: bless youse guys, too. Primarily AnironUndomiel--who gave me the single most flattering compliment EVER. *frames compliment, puts it on wall* Thank youuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!

People in General: ThunderEchoes, for giving me advice. Hazan, for liking (parts of) it despite its content, and for a little more advice. Waru (again) for being a bastard (I mean this in the nicest way possible, I swear). And to Dread Demon, who helped.

~Sayo-fucking-nara, Sweet Story~

Goodbye, IJLY. I will miss you dearly.

~~

I saw you standing in the corner

On the edge of a burning light

I saw you standing in the corner

Come to me again, in the cold, cold night

In the cold, cold night

You make me feel a little older,

Like a full grown woman might

But when you're gone I grow colder,

Come to me again, in the cold, cold night

I see you walking by my front door

I hear the creaking of the kitchen floor

I don't care what other people say

I'm going to love you, anyway

Come to me again, in the cold, cold night

I can't stand it any longer

I need the fuel to make my fire bright

So don't fight it any longer

Come to me again, in the cold, cold night

And I know that you feel it too,

When my skin turns into glue

You will know that it's warm inside

You'll come run to me

In the cold, cold, night

--"In the Cold, Cold, Night" by